[azirajai]

My Husband died 10 months ago. He is in my thought from dawn to dusk. Many times I do not have concentration on my worksh and I don't feel like doing anything. I try to not show when my children are at home but when alone I can't help it. Some friends say that it is my own empathy and I have to get over it.
Is it really unusual? Is my grieving lasting too long?(sorry for bad english, hope my words make sense).
Azi

[ballengerb1]

The lost of a close person, or even a pet for that matter, can cause great saddness in someone. Prolonged saddness can become depression which may not go away on its own. I attended family grief counseling for 4 months after a loss and it help. Something to consider.

[Wondergirl]

Everyone grieves at a different rate and in a different way. No, you are not grieving too long. In fact, most formal grieving lasts at least a year as the grieving goes through all the anniversaries and memories that can occur during a twelve-month period.

And grieving has nothing to do with empathy. In fact, your friends are not showing good empathy ("feeling with you") by telling you how to grieve.

My best-ever and favorite cat died March 5, 2009. I am still grieving for him.

[troublemakerman]

Don't listen to your friends, only people that have had a loss could express feelings, and they won't even say anything to you about getting over it. Find yourself a bereavement group to go to. I don't know your age but you can read some loss stories at this site. http://www.aarp.org/online-community/groups/index.action?slGroupKey=Group362
My wife and I were together over 50 years, married only 46 years. My wife passed on Jan. 5, 09 so 2 years just passed. I still wear my wedding band and I wear hers on a neck chain. I have my wife's pictures all over, in my pocket, in the car, on the phone, around the house. I write poems, http://www.lovejoey-poems.blogspot.com I read them and I share when I can. I miss her so much it's killing me. I look at her pictures and think about her all the time.
Good luck to you.

[azirajai]

Thanks for your advise and really sorry for your loss. My husbnd was only 43 when died and we were married for nearly 14 years. I have two children, 10.5 and 6.5. We were very dependent to each other as we were always away from family.

[JudyKayTee]

I was widowed in 2007 following my husband's long, painful illness. As prepared as I thought I was - I was not prepared.

I got no help from a bereavement group.

I think there is a difference between grieving and obsessing. It was my husand's express wish that my life go on - and it has. His exact wording was that I would do him no honor if, in effect, my life ended with his.

The first year (as Wondergirl says) was terrible. Every day all I could manage to do was put one foot in front of the other.

There is no proper way to grieve, no time table, no estimate of how long it takes for things to get better. Everyone has a different time frame, different healing time, different coping skills. For a long time all I wanted to do was stare at my late husband's photos. Then all I wanted to do was NOT see his photos.

I still have days when the loss weighs heavy on me.

You have just started down a road, a separate journey, a new journey. If it would help to talk to someone, do that. If your friends or family will listen, that's helpful. I didn't want to know what my friends thought. I wanted them to know what I thought. Their moral support was so important to me.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[jandu]

I also lost my husband 5 jan 09! Two years ago at the tender age of 42. He left behind three children, Me and many who loved him.It was very sudden he had a massive heart attack whilst at the gym. Two years later I'm still running the restaurant we started four years ago! People look at you and think that your coping well because you seem to be getting on with things, but I keep thinking If I crumble so do the kids and the business! I still have my bad days like today! But I miss him so much its painful!
My deepest sympathy to you all who have lost!
Sand

[JudyKayTee]

Well said, Jandu. My sympathies.

I found that people thought I was a lot stronger than I actually was because I cried alone.

I understand your pain.

[heartache14398]

I lost my husband oct. 8,2008 in a traumatic accident! He was my best friend for 11 years too & my girl's best dad! He died at the age of 29! I can't let him go... I am still grieving & I think I will always do. I CAN'T DENY IT IS actually affecting my life & I do need help for the sake of my little girl! I always feel down, sad, & angry! I am really sorry for your loss!

[JudyKayTee]

i lost my husband oct. 8,2008 in a traumatic accident! he was my best friend for 11 years too & my girl's best dad! he died at the age of 29! I can't let him go.....I am still grieving & I think I will always do. i CAN'T DENY IT IS actually affecting my life & I do need help for the sake of my little girl! i always feel down, sad, & angry! I am really sorry for your loss!

Have you done any counselling, tried a group, something else that works for you?

If your child is being affected by this you MUST do something to help yourself feel better and accept his death, as hard as that could be.

[heartache14398]

I haven't tried anything at all yet! My daughter is 3, I am trying to be her friend,mom & dad at the same time! She is the reason that makes me alive & strong. But she can feel when I am sad or have been crying! I get upset when she makes mistakes, I am blessed because she is being a kind girl to her mom! I MISS MY HUSBAND & BEST(ONLY) FRIEND! I see my life dark, stressful, miserable & liveless... I always try to be sociable as before but on the contrary, most of the time I am quite and unfocused in their conversations. Whenever I realize that he actually died and will never come back HURTS a lot, I can feel the crack in my heart. I hope you understand what I mean...

[heartache14398]

Azi, I know how you feel! You are a strong person especially trying not to show your kids how you feel... I am going through this already but it will just take time. I want to really see someone now starting to understand that we may need someone professional to help us. I believe they are there watching over us! They will always be there and I know they want us to have a happy life, they want us to be happy.

[mizzjenni]

I'm in a very similar situation to you. My boyfriend of 6 years and father of my 3 year old daughter was killed in a traumatic accident as well, he was hit by a truck 6 months ago at the age of 28. I hardly remember the week after he died and the funeral. It was the day after the funeral that it hit me. The day he died my dad brought me to the doctor and she gave me valium and anti depressents. On the day after the funeral I took them all at once and some other over the counter medication. It all just got too much, I couldn't comprehend the idea of never seeing him again. My mother found me in my room and I was rushed to hospital, I stayed there for a week, I just cried non stop. When I was released they sent me to bereavment counselling. I suppose it helps. I like talking about him. It makes me feel like he's not so far away. I regret taking the overdose, it was probably a cry for help. Maybe we can help each other.

[moshead]

I just read what you wrote and you are probably the only person yet to seem to get what I feel. For me its only been a couple weeks and I just want to cling to everything. When his company asked for his computer back I threw a fit cause I had personal picture on there and I really thought it was his. MY daughter acted like I was just being a and brought up all this unnecessary things that happened between her and me in the past and it has nothing, even though she thinks so, to do with now. I don't know how to get through even a day. I cling to my little dog we both loved and I can't stop crying or feeling life life is over. Everyone in the family has a life to go back to and I don't. I am 65 been on disability for 10 years and get a small amount from that. His SS will only bring me a little more. A small life insurance policy with help but in the end I will probably sell this house he was so very proud to buy me. If only I could reach out and tell him how much I love him. I too wear his ring he gave me and his in on a chain around my neck. I miss him so much and don't even know how to get through the day. Every thing I do with my daughter just angers her and that makes things even worse cause now I have to put on an act that I don't feel. I just don't know how or what to do except cry.

[8track]

Grieving is a process and it takes a long time. No two people grieve the same way.

My grandmother died over 15 years ago and I still have occasional grief, and dreams a couple times a month. I grieved my cat for over 2 years. Surround yourself with loving sympathetic people.