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gigily · Jan 17, 2011, 04:38 PM

I, I am 29 years old women , actually I am kind of interested in mature guys and I am seeing a 42 years old guy, that has a 3 years old kid from his ex-gf. The kid is not living with him. He is really in love with me and he is very caring. So far I don't have problem with him and he has managed his kid and me very well. But what is bothering me is the fact that he has a kid and I don't have any. So I guess we are not in the same boat? Or if his kid is going to be a problem in my life in future?

Would love hear your advice. Thanks

justjess19 · Jan 17, 2011, 04:48 PM

I think you should talk to him x

Wondergirl · Jan 17, 2011, 04:53 PM

I think the child will be a problem in your life with the father only if you allow it to be.

Are you planning on having children?

talaniman · Jan 17, 2011, 05:11 PM

How long have you been dating? It mat be to early to tell what will be issues in a relationship.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 17, 2011, 06:11 PM

I see all sorts of red flags in your short paragraph.

"not in the same boat"? So he has a child, are you in a contest, if you and he has one, he will have two to your one.

He will love this child the same as one you and he may have, so if you are already jealous, it is a large issue.

He will be talking and you will be seeing his ex sometimes, if this child has school events, music or sports, you may be there and she may be there also.

And of course red flag ONE, you called the child KID, not his child, or son but KID.

gigily · Jan 18, 2011, 08:00 AM

I have been seeing him only for few months. So far he has managed everything very well. He sees his daughter( NoT hIS kID) everyday for few hours. I am totally Ok with that and not jealous at all. I undrstand that he needs to spend time with his daughter and I have enough attention. I just don't know if I am in a right relationship or not. How can I know?

answerme_tender · Jan 18, 2011, 08:39 AM

Have you asked this man what he wants for the future. Does he want to get married, would that make you 2nd or 3rd marriage. Have you any ideas as to what happened to cause him to divorce with such young child involved? Have you ever discussed if he does want marriage in future does he want more children, he is at age were some people would not want anymore.

These are something's that you should be asking yourself. This relationship is going to built on what you both want out of it. His daughter will only enhance this relationship. If you really love him then how could you not love his little girl. If you show that little girl love and acceptance, then think about the love she will give you.

Good luck

gigily · Jan 18, 2011, 08:44 AM

Yea we talked already about this issue many times. He explained to me his reasons of breaking up with his ex-gf. And I accepted that. He wants to settle down again with me and have kids later. I know all these stuff. I just have no experience of such relationship. Sometimes I ask myself , am I making a mistake? Should I find someone in my age and settle down? But he loves me and I am kind of into him. Too much of tinking I guess.

answerme_tender · Jan 18, 2011, 09:05 AM

Gigily,

My friends say that I am way to blunt, so please don't take this as being rude.

I really feel you should move on. You are only 29yrs and you obviously want children of your own. So why settle for this relationship, just because your kind of into him.

You obviously are having doubts about him. I really don't think your even concerned about his little girl at all, I think this man is a nice guy and you like but your just NOT that into him.

Move on. Don't miss the man that you can really have that special future with by trying to be the nice person here.

talaniman · Jan 18, 2011, 10:09 AM

You will know in a year or so if you pay attention, whether you can deal with being an instant part time mommy, and if this fellow can manage his daughter, or his ex. After a few months, you only see the good parts he wants you to see. More will be revealed to you later, after the honeymoon is over and the real work begins. Only then will you know if this can work, or not.

gigily · Jan 18, 2011, 01:26 PM

Yea, you are right. I am still in honeymoon. Just time can prove how wrong or right I am. Thanks

gigily · Jan 18, 2011, 01:26 PM

I am kind of like and dislike your comment actually. I am really into him, but the fact that he has a kid is making me doubt.

answerme_tender · Jan 18, 2011, 01:49 PM

Gigily,

You seem to have good head on your shoulders, I have no doubt that you will make the right decision for what is best for you.

Take care