[brail]

My boyfriend just recently asked me to marry him in December of 2010. We have been together for over 4 years now. I really love him but some things have really changed. For one about a year ago he started getting really suspicious of me cheating, which was really stupid because I literally was with him when I was not working and was not sleep. I literally was with him for at least 12 hours on most days.

Then he started to get worst constantly believing everyone was out to get him and that they were trying to end our interracial relationship (his words not mine). When we first together he was honest with me about him having to take medication to anxiety and I accepted it, but things took a turn for the worst.

A little after the proposal for some reason he got into it with his parents that he were living with and went to go stay in a hotel room for a couple days. He would constantly call me from the hotel screaming about me cheating, which I wasn't. He would scream telling me that the devil was in the room. One of the weirdest things he told me was that the devil came in the room and raped him. I had no words for it. I went over to see him and he took my headset case and put leaves in it and gave it to me and told me to take it. I took and then he told me to throw it down on the floor because the devil told him to put those leaves in my headset case.

Then he drove 100 miles per hour recklessly one time by himself and one time with me in the car. I was so afraid for my life, but I still love him. He finally went home back to his parents, but the next night rather he called me 2a.m screaming that I need to come over to his parents house I felt it was highly inappropriate to come over to his parents house at that time,but I came in fear that he would hurt himself in some kind of way if I didn't. I got a lot of lip about it from my parents about it like saying I need to take care of myself and that I'm doing too much. Am I?

When I made it out there he told me it was a test to see how committed to him and he walked back in the house and locked the door. I was baffled. I just didn't know. Then he called me the next morning like nothing had happened or rather down playing it. Later that week he flipped out on his parents and they had to call the cops. He started throwing things, screaming, pushing them against walls, and more. The end of that was that he was institutionalized for a week because they found out he reduced how much without his doctor's advisory. When he left he was forced to move out. We scrambled to find him a place, but we did. When he moved in I thought everything was fine, but he called me at to a.m. for more than a week daily. Saying that he couldn't sleep and claiming that he was a prophet in his sleep.

I should have known something was wrong, so I started checking him on taking his medicine.

Then one day he flipped on me he asked me to come over and I knocked on the door and he told me to come over. I could tell he was worried so I rubbed his face gently and he moved quickly and I accidentally scratched him. I apologized because I did not mean to do it. Then he flipped grabbed my hair and slammed on the floor. His pupils were really big he started screaming and the door was open. I screamed for him to stop and he pulled my hair harder. I had no choice I hit him in between his legs. That was the only way I could get him to stop. I then ran to the bathroom to try to get myself together. He then came in the bathroom pulled my hair again slammed me against the wall. I got away from him and ran to the big, but he came after me and the last straw was when took his laptop charger cord and whipped it across my back. I had a thick mark across my back for days. After he did that I started crying hysterically. He said that was nothing compared to what he goes through. I went to the bathroom to try to soak my back and to my surprise he threw liquid soap into my hair which ran into my eyes and eye area afterwards I had an irritated black eye. He tried to comfort me, but I left immediately after that.

Later that week he institutionalized once again. He found out that he is bipolar and now he there for the moment. I have visited once and called daily and/or answered his calls from there. He is talking out of his head, screaming at me, and being paranoid half of the time, but the other half of the time I can get a decent conversation. I feel like I have switched position from companion to caretaker. I think maybe because I want to help him. I still love him so much. What should I do?

[talaniman]

You keep doing what your doing an be his victim/caretaker, until you have had enough, then you will leave him alone, and get some mental help for yourself, and live a healthy happy life without him. That's what you will probably do.

What you should do is realize you can't help, and leave him alone right now, and get some counseling, so you can have a happy healthy life.

[acciosnivellus]

Please get out of this situation, for YOURSELF! I understand how much you love and care for him, but playing the caretaker role isn't normal, functional, or healthy in any relationship. I can say this with full confidence because I've played that role in my past relationship, and I will be the first to tell you how relieving it is to be out of the line of fire. It is a dead end relationship. Your efforts are being wasted, you will realize this once you're out, I know I did!

You are starting to lose and forget yourself as your own person. You really shouldn't have to worry about what he trouble he is getting into, if he's going to hurt you, what kind of "test" he's going to put you through next... you can just focus on YOU! And no, that is not selfish, especially given the circumstances. You need to realize that you cannot help him, I thought I could do the same thing, but it just isn't possible. I was in so much denial that I could help him for so long, but I snapped out of it once I reached my breaking point, and you will too. Plus you are not only being mentally abused, but physically as well! You can either let yourself reach your breaking point, which will be inevitable, OR you can take a stand and end this now. It's up to you when you've had enough.

You are extremely caring and devoted no doubt, and these qualities will be great in a healthy and balanced relationship, so save the effort for a relationship that it will count in!

[Alty]

You have to ask yourself if this is what you're willing to live with for the rest of your life. If you marry him, if you stay with him, than this will be your life. You'll never know when he's going to snap. You never know what he's going to do. He's unstable, and every day you'll be walking on egg shells waiting for him to strike again.

You need to get out of this abusive relationship. He needs to take care of himself, whether that means being heavily medicated, or institutionalized. He's a danger to you, and to himself.

Do you really want this to be your life? Love is great, but it can't fix him. You have the power to walk away and save yourself.