[Delow84]

So, it's been awhile since I have posted on here. Got scolded pretty good then for acting childish. But it was a good wake up call, as shortly after I met my future wife. (who was not an ex haha) We dated for a little over a year before we were married on July 31st 2010. Found out she was pregnant shortly after I hade proposed on Valentines Day.
We have had a wonderful relationship, and marriage. Very few arguments, lots of love and affection and understanding. It was everything I could have wanted.
My problems come after our son was born. (and he is a gorgeous little boy)

The first two weeks were great, but after that (when I went back to work) I started feeling neglected, which I realize is pretty inconsiderate of me, given she is taking care of our son all day. It was mostly just because I had to be away from them so much. But the problems came when I would get home, she would spend her time playing on her iPhone or watching TV, and not ever anything with me.

We had a fight recently where I had to stay at my mothers. I found out she called up an old friend (who she swears up and down is just a friend and she misses him so much) but from the little I've spoken with him... he does not think what they have is a simple friendship. And she lied, and hid the talking from me.
We have been up and down since then and I finally said "hey be friends with him, I trust you"... it seems after that, and after being able to talk to him she is just sooo much more happy. And treats me a lot better. My problem is, I don't know if I should be happy she is starting to treat me better, or worse that it takes her being able to talk with him to make her happy. (and there has never been any infidelity, or lies before)

I also understand that post pregnancy there is a lot going on with a woman. All I really wanted was for her eyes to light up for me, the way they lit up for him.

Ok that was long winded... I don't know what I should do.

(we are going to see a counselor this weekend)
Sorry posted this in wrong area, meant for marriage.

[answerme_tender]

I think your doing the correct thing by going to a counselor. I also agree that her eyes should be lighting up for you NOT another man.

I wouldn't want my husband to be totally involved talking/texting another woman when I am home, I don't care if they were friends before marriage or not. First of all they can do their texting when I at work, if they need to at all.

I don't text my best friend, if I want to have a conversation with her I call, chit-chat, then hang up. If I contacted her more then once a day, she would be calling the men in those super cute white jackets who don't pole dance!!

Give counseling a chance, make sure you are totally honest and put everything on the table. Also make sure you put on your listening ears!! Take care and congrats on your baby!!

[Delow84]

Ya, it's the lack of attention, and appreciation towards me the last two months(post baby) that seem to be making this tougher for me.

[answerme_tender]

Yep, I remember being a new mommie--only thing on my mind besides that baby, was sleep!! When you just have a bably and you feel like everything down there is about as messed up and it can get, last thing your mind is your husband, mostly because you feel unacttractive. Its always easier to communicate to someone who is TOTALLY sympathetic to your discomfort. Give her some time, its hard to explain how messed up some of us women get with our hormones!!

[HistorianChick]

Hi, Delow!! :) Nice to see you :)

It's not the completely same circumstance, but my husband's boss is his ex. I still struggle with their workplace relationship (and I know that that is all it is) and we talk about it. We were married almost three weeks ago and she sent us a wedding present. It was a nice sized Target gift card. I have to admit, I wasn't all that thrilled. (Before now, I never really knew what jealousy was!)

I guess I made a face or something when he mentioned the gift because he came in to the kitchen, grabbed my face in his hands, looked me in the eye, and said, "Honey, I chose you. I chose you to spend the rest of my life with."

Yes, I melted and felt a lot better, but it's something that you need to remember, she chose you.

Talk to her, tell her what you're feeling. You two are in this for the long haul... communicate. I can't tell you how much that little "I chose you" reassured me (once again) that WE are together.

I can't speak with any authority on the post-partum baby stuff, but I do know that it is a real thing. Guys feel it too, that I know.

It's good that you're going to a counselor. Be honest. Tell him/her your concerns. But most importantly, support the mother of your son. :)

Best of luck!

[Delow84]

HC! Nice to see you as well. ^_^ I guess maybe it's just the post partum, and she HAS chose me. So I am probably over thinking every little thing. It will be good to be able to talk all this out with her, with a counselor. Thank you

[Delow84]

Should I be upset or worried at all that when I'm home from work, its like it's not that important to spend time with me or talk or what not, but she gets all cheery and happy when she is talking to this guy?