[anonuser5678]

After one year of a serious relationship, even some time living together, my girlfriend still doesn't want to have sex. We occasionally touch each other intimately, but it's not very often. I don't want to pressure her, but I feel that I am doing just that because it's really getting to me that we don't have a real sex life. Both of us are virgins. Every time we plan a romantic night together, she makes excuses or backs out of it at the last minute. And when I ask her if everything is all right, she doesn't want to see a doctor or psychologist. We are both around 21 yrs old.

[joypulv]

Gently explain that if she can't talk about this, and work toward the result, then you are going to have to end the relationship. If she doesn't have a specific reason, such as religious belief or waiting for marriage, and it feels to you like something is wrong, then she should be willing to work on it or you should leave.

[martinizing2]

First I will offer my admiration that you have refrained
From sex for this long.
Is this due to religious beliefs or philosophical beliefs?

I can understand the frustration you must be going through.
At 21 to be in the company of a girl that shares your mutual love ,
And not be engaging in sex with her , or anyone else
Is a testament to will power and resolve above and beyond.

Is your plan to wait until you are married ,
Or are you waiting only for her to be ready?

In any case , I would point out to her that you have been patient
And understanding and have been putting her needs above your
Own for some time now.

I think she should reciprocate and consult a doctor
Or counselor about her feelings toward sex for her own sake
As well as yours.

Her avoidance to sexual contact could be due to any number
Of things from physical issues to childhood trauma
You may not be aware of.

It sounds to me like it would be worth your time and effort
To remain patient while working on communicating with her
In order to get her to be as understanding towards your needs
As you have been to hers.

She must realize that most men would be
Putting on constant pressure sexually.
And would have left her long ago when
She failed to succumb.

Be forthright and totally honest with her
About your feelings.
Keep working on communication between
The two of you that will lead to co operation
And consideration, that is a big part of what
I feel real love is.
Both parties putting the others needs above their own.

This can only lead to a strong and happy life together
If it can be achieved and communication
Is the essential key .

Work on that now, and never stop working on it .

I wish you well.

[Enigma1999]

Is she worth the wait? That is something you can only answer. I can relate to her. I was 25 when I lost it to the person I ended up marring, and I was very much afraid to have sex for the first time. Obviously I was worth the waitn considering I made him wait almost 2 years to have sex.

When SHE is ready then she will. If you love her, then wait. She may feel pressured by this as well. Go easy on her.

Make sure you keep the communication with her.

Good luck.

[Synnen]

Look--she's a virgin. If you KNOW her reasons for staying a virgin, then you need to respect those reasons.

Frankly, pressure to have sex is a turn OFF.

You need to TALK about it with her. And if she's not ready to talk about it, then she's not ready for sex. Sorry, but that's the way it works.

Lay your feelings about the whole thing on the table, but be ready for your relationship to end if you say "Sex or I'm gone".