[lovebite]

I always scream and shout at my children and I don't want to,I love them so much

[Jake2008]

You can't just 'get rid of' anger, you have to learn other ways of dealing with it.

The first thing you need to identify is why it is happening, and what is causing it. You don't say how old your children are, or whether you are home full time, or you're managing a job on top of raising children.

There could be a million reasons you are angry, and why you take the anger out on your children. Are you a single parent, or do you have a husband.

If you could provide a little more detail about what your life is like on a day to day basis, and narrow in on what is causing you to be so stressed that you take anger out on your children, it would be helpful in providing a better response to your question.

[J_9]

How old are your children?

Could you be suffering from depression?

[jenniepepsi]

Honestly, the best thing is counseling. I was the same way, when my daughter was younger, I hollered and yelled and was very angry. I learned in counseling that I was following my parents path of abuse. And I absolutely did NOT want to go down that road. And with the help of my doctor, I got better. I don't ever get angry and scream at my daughter anymore. Of course she gets in trouble, but I don't take it over the top anymore.

Talk to your doctor. He can reffer you to someone.

[redhed35]

Every parent gets frustrated,shouts and can become so stressed that they just feel so overwhelmed very day.

Talking about it,and getting real help and some 'me time',can go a long way in finding a balance.

Can you provide a little more information on your situation?

[Fr_Chuck]

I guess how much do you shout and why, Some yelling and shouting is OK and even healthy if in the right context.

Are they doing something dangerous, is it a seroius issue.

Also raising a voice and shouting are two different things also.

Really need to know more before I judge what is and what is not proper with your conduct

Example, I have just told my son who is 10 to get his sweat clothes on since we are getting ready to start martial arts training, he has not, after telling him two times, I am getiting ready to really shout and get his attention. ****** Good he now knows I am very serious and he still knows I love him.

[dontknownuthin]

I recommend the following:

- Counseling to resolve any issues that are upsetting you.
- Breaks - get someone to babysit whether a neighbor, your mother, whomever so you can get a break.
-Naps - if your kids aren't old enough for school, they are young enough for a nap. My mother taught me that chilren's naps are for parents. If they aren't tired, they must stay in or on their bed quietly and may look at books - nothing else. They must get all of their books together and in the bed before naptime starts or they cannot have them. No waiting, no delays.
- A schedule for both the children and for you. Get up and get dressed, put on your makeup and do your hair every single day before 9 am. Have meals at set times and a snack. Have a time for the kids to see A favorite children's TV show, reading, listening to music and making something like a picture or craft, a time for going outside, a time for errands (spread them out so you go somewhere every day), a time for clean up and chores. When they are engaged with their show or making a picture, you can fold laundry, make a call, etc.
- Stick to your schedule so that your kids know what's happening next and will not fight you every step of the way.
- Don't let your household get into disarray - it will stress you out and will be an unpleasant place to be. Kids can do a lot. If they can take a toy out of a box they can put a toy into a box. Involve them from very, very early.
- Turn off the television except for one chlidren's show a day, and whatever you want to watch after the kids go to bed, or when the kids are having a nap. Having it on constantly, they will never cooperate and you will never get anything done.

This works whether your kids are little or are in high school - a schedule, set expectations, set chores, limits on television and electronics, regular meals at the family table and time when you can have some peace and pursue your own interests will always be important. Kids take control when someone else hasn't done so, so if you do it, they won't.

It's also important to understand your child's development. Get some books like the "what to expect" series for different ages. When you understand "Oh, 4 year olds do this and this i how to handle it", you are empowered and confident in your knowledge and can address it instead of freaking out.

If you are generally angry there may be other worries in your life whether financial, relationship or whatever and if you take those things out on your kids, you need to just get some counseling to learn better how to manage those feelings of anxiety, and perhaps some practical advise and support so you can solve the problems.

Also make sure your kids understand your expectations. For example, "we are going to the store and I am not buying anything that is not on my list today so you may not ask and you may not hint about getting other things." If they are really good you can surprise them by saying, "you have been so good so I got a pack of gum and you may have a piece".

As your kids get older, you need to continue setting reasonable expectations and limits and follow through. If they abuse having a cell phone, you take the phone. They come in late, they are grounded the next weekend. They don't do the dishes without being asked, they get an additional chore.


Take care!

[lovebite]

Hi al thank you so much for all the comments,sorry for not giving detailss,OK,I am married for 4years now to the most wonderful man on earth and sometimes find myself screaming @ him to,I am a working mother but a am very stresse financially and emotionally,I went through a lot when a grew up and also comes out of a abusive home,my kids are 10,4,1.They are all I'm living for I love them so much and sometimes after I yelled @ them I cry myself to pieces,I don't like this person that I am I once wrote a suicide note and really wanted to end everything but then my husband got hold of the letter before I could do anything,I pray each day for God to help me but I nothing happens,my husband and I never ever fights its just my anger that I need to get rid of,my kids knows I love them but they don't deserve this monster that I am... please help me.

[redhed35]

Perhaps now is the time for some intervention,getting yourself into councilling to come to terms with your past.

Talk to your husband about how your feeling and between the two of you work out a system where the workload is shared,now is the time for teamwork!

Try and get a babysitter for a few hours and have a date with your husband,catch a movie go for a walk,do something.

There's no quick fix here,but now that you realise you have an issue you can deal with it.

Your doctor will be able to give you a list of councillors and maybe recommend the type of councilling you may need.

Get your husband on board and start making the changes to a more happier you.

[jenniepepsi]

There is a book/parenting style that I absolutely loved. It takes the best of attachment parenting (but doesn't use the helicopter type) and the best of traditional parenting all together. Its called Nurtered hearts. Its what I am currently using. It helps YOU as well as your children too!