[Anjel]

Hi there :)

I've read a couple of entries and found the responses very helpful.
Maybe one of you can help me find a new direction..

I'm stuck.

My story:

I'm 28, F, bisexual, sexually very experienced (I think <laughs> men, women, bdsm, sex toys.. )... and haven't orgasmed in life. Not once.
I started masturbation when watching porn with 11.
A teen magazine then told me that there is something called "orgasm". It seemed very interesting. Very alien. And to this day.. it remained that way.

I don't fall into the typical criteria for anorgasmia.
Either women have psychological trauma (rape, abuse, a burdened relationship to their partner), or
Perceive sex as something dirty,
Used to have orgasms and cannot have them anymore,
Don't masturbate or don't know how to.

Non of that matches. Admittently, I had less blissful moments in my relationships, and yes, I went through bad experiences with men.. but.. not when I was 11!!

That's my point. Actually, with 11 I was much more practiced in my masturbation than I am now and took a lot more time with myself. Now I find being with others more satisfying.

And still.. it remains an endless tease.
Worse, it burdens my relationships with my partners. Since they perceive it as a personal mission to make me come. It's because I haven't tried enough (yeah right) or just didn't have the right partner, the right size, whatever.

It does burden me.
To such a degree that my sexual being fades in and out of having sexual encounters, since it drags me down so much to have everyone insist on me come. Want me to come. Or if I tell them perceive me as something dysfunctional. That's how it feels.

I'm stuck.

I don't feel hopeless.
And most days, I embrace myself for who I am. I still enjoy sex. It's just an endless tease.. ;)
It's just.. I would love to experience that magical moment of release. If I could.
If there is nothing I can do. I'll embrace that.

But if I could..
.. I just wouldn't know where to turn to anymore.

That's why I am writing to you. :)

[Nosnosna]

Hi, I'm Nos... want to do something some time? ;)

Seriously though, the biggest thing with any lack of orgasm with (otherwise well-adjusted) women is focusing on it too much. It's the ultimate Catch-22, because I defy you to actually stop thinking about it.

This part is probably terrible advice, in any kind of rational or professional sense, but in my experience it's been useful to get past the first hangups about new or odd experiences (including but not limited to: anal sex, masochism, and sadism)... try a touch of alcohol. Don't get drunk, but have a drink or two, take the edge off. If it becomes a challenge to navigate the stairs, you've had too much. Find that magical point where you become easily distracted and stay right there. Then have sex (it should go without saying that you should be with somebody you already trust implicitly for this, but there are enough people out there without the common sense to know that part to make it worth my time to specify this), and see what happens. If it happens once, it'll become easier from then on, because you won't have the hangups about not reaching orgasm, and you'll have a sense of the feelings that lead to it.

That takes care of your side of it. Now, for your partner's side of it.

Two words: Fake it. Yeah, it may be dishonest, but you're doing it to spare someones' feelings rather than being malicious. Your partner may feel inadequate if they can't get you off, and they'll have a very hard time understanding that in this case, it really is you, not them. Hell, you may even get lucky and, since the faking it is taking your mind off actually having an orgasm, have a real one in the process. Don't hold your breath on this, but stranger things have happened.

Good luck,
Nos

[Karolina]

Anjel,
What about with direct clitoral stimulation? Still no?

[Anjel]

It's beautiful.. its hot.. its wonderful.. its exciting.. its teasing..
I had that, I had vibrators, I had anything.. everything.. <naughty grin>

But what shall I say?
Nothing, no matter how beautiful, nothing ever gave me that release.. the orgasm people talk about.

The closest I got to was the feeling of contemptment.. and I only had that with my ex and only with intercourse. With him I reached a point where no stimulation would do anything for me anymore and I just had enough. :) Like a satisfying meal. But not the euphoric high I get when I am running or dancing.. nothing earth shattering. Just.. contempt.
But reaching that in itself is amazing.
Usually its just a tease.. an endless tease.. but I like being teased. Is fun.

I really do love sex.
I just hate being envious for others for coming and others not understanding that I cannot come..
.. and yes, I think it's a teeny bit unfair that I cannot come. Very.

[Karolina]

Ok, have you tried the bath tub method? If no, I can provide more details. It has worked like a charm for me every time!

If you have and still nothing, you may want to see a doctor. I know that may not be what you're looking for, but it's an option. Maybe it's something medically related.

[Anjel]

Have sex in the bath tub? No, didn't have that.. don't have a bath tub either.. but would be curious to know what the bath tub method is..

I was in a hospital once. They said there was nothing they could do for me. :(

[Karolina]

OK, no not have sex in the bath tub. You use the water stream to continually flow on your clitoris This way you lay down, you're relaxed, lights on or off, and you let the water do the work! When we are tensed or awaiting the big O, this has the opposite effect and deters it.

If you don't have a bath tub, it's tricky of course.