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bazisace1 · Jan 10, 2011, 05:23 AM

I do everything my girlfriend asks of me but we hardly ever have sex, snog or cuddle. We have been together for 6 years now with 2 kids. I am 24 and my girlfriend is 22 we have sex maybe every other month and sometimes she won't let me kiss her during sex. Every time I try to come on to her its either head ache, stomach ache or period. We had a great sex life for the 1st 12 months, what went wrong?

LightCross · Jan 10, 2011, 06:07 AM

First you must understand that not every women think about sex at same level as men do, some women even really afraid when it comes to sex. You must understand her situation and her way of thinking about sex and not only thinking about what you want.

411Help · Jan 10, 2011, 06:45 AM

COMMUNICATE.

This is definitely a red flag.

"I do everything my girlfriend asks of me." You're not her child. Sex isn't an incentive for you to do things for her.

Devorameira · Jan 10, 2011, 08:03 AM

Why not try to convince her to see her doctor? Sometimes the hormones get so screwed up that they affect sex drive.

Do you help with the housework and kids? If she has no help, she may be exhausted. You may think it's a joke, but noted marital researcher Dr. John Gottman's study showed that men who do more housework and child care have better sex lives and happier marriages than others.

martinizing2 · Jan 10, 2011, 05:06 PM

Have you just asked her what's wrong?

Communication is an important factor in all relationships.
It could be any number of things due to her physiology or psychological.

I would try to get her to a M.D. for a check up,
Spend a lot of time talking to her and trying ti see if there
Were something more you could do to make her be more in the mood.

Consider counseling. Many shy away from this but it can do a world of good if given a chance.

But for right now work on your communication , it could be the only thing you need.

Cat1864 · Jan 10, 2011, 06:30 PM

Just getting facts straight first:

1. She is 22 years old.

2. You have been together for six years.

3. You have two children together.

4. Sex was great for the first year (twelve months) of your relationship.

If I do the math, she was 16 when you got together and apparently began having sex. How old are your children and did her disinterest in sex begin about the time the first one was conceived/born?

How is the rest of your relationship? Does she have any interests outside of home and family? Do you do things together as a couple without the children? Do you do things with the children while she gets time with friends and/or by herself?

Have you at any point in the past discussed getting married? Are there any conflicts with how each of you views the present and the future? Could she feel trapped in a relationship that might not have lasted under other circumstances? Are there other stresses on her and the relationship that might be affecting her libido?

Communicate with her about your needs and hers. Pay attention to what she says and ask her for clarification if you don't understand what she is trying to communicate. Let her know that it is better to ask questions than to assume what the other person means or to put words in his/her mouth.

If she won't talk with you privately, it might be an idea to look into Couple's Counseling.

jenniepepsi · Jan 11, 2011, 08:26 AM

Im with Cat here. And I am mostly interested in how old the chldren are (how long ago were they born. Children can be a HUGE libido killer. Especially 2, and if they are close together.

Have you tried finding a babysitter for a weekend and going to a hotel together? Going out to dinner? Find that spark you had as young people without the bother of children (not that I think children themselves are a bother, just the things that come with them hehe)

Definitely come answer these questions so we can help you.
It sounds like you guys have lost the spark and need to get it back, it doesn't have to mean the END of your relationship if you both still want to make it work.