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mylermeg · Jan 9, 2011, 10:55 PM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months. I was incredibly happy. He a great guy.. funny, nice, and always there for me. Out of the blue, I began to doubt my feelings for him. Whenever I'm with him its always in the back of my mind if what we have is real. Whenever we kiss, I ask myself if I feel anything? When I'm sitting next to him, I ask myself if I feel anything. I have literally not thought about anything but all of this in 5 days. I am completely numb. I try to imagine myself without him and I can't. I try to imagine myself with him and I can't. I do not know what to do.

Wondergirl · Jan 9, 2011, 11:06 PM

Continue to date him and have fun with him. Stop agonizing if this is the man of your dreams. After only four months, I hope you aren't in an exclusive relationship with him and have stopped dating other guys. Cool your jets, as my son would say.

LoveLittleStar · Jan 13, 2011, 05:53 PM

You have nothing to worry about. I was in a 2 and a half year relationship and It often happened to me and the reason for me was I always wondered that If I let things get to good would my heart be broken so I automatically turned myself against him and It was really bad for me and him and us. Don't let it get to you. Your blank because your sending yourself all these mixed messages like I love him now I'm not sure and your only confusing yourself. Just sit back and relax! Take a big deep breath. Listen to some nice love songs.. If he pops into your head then that means something. Just remember you must feel something if your with him.

Answerve · Jan 20, 2011, 06:36 PM

If you're unhappy because you keep second guessing your relationship, then STOP second guessing your relationship. Take a deep breath and a chill pill, and enjoy the moment. Your knowing that you are acting irrationally makes you capable of ending that irrational behavior. If you're unhappy in this relationship, whether because you can't stop questioning your love or because you doubt your feelings for him, its not fair to either of you for you to stay in the relationship. I suggest trying to relax and enjoy your time together, and if there's still that nagging feeling that you don't like him, break up. There are plenty more fish in both of your seas.

SocialPsiTina · Feb 3, 2011, 09:22 PM

I the fact that this "empty" feeling is bothering you so much means that it's very important. What's not clear is what it is that's really bothering you. You're probably wondering that yourself. What I believe, different from the others, is that it can't be nothing. It's something-- something very important to you. Something you want very badly, but something you're not getting or simply fear that you're not getting. Since you hate to be in this relationship without this thing-- whatever it is--- you think of leaving him, and apparently the thought of this upsets you even more.

I also have the impression that at least one of your concerns is about how intensely he feels for you. I think that's the reason you're wondering what the kiss means.

If you've tried to get clear within yourself and you simply cannot, it seems to me that you have 3 choices. Talk to someone with whom you feel safe to see if you can get any clearer, and come to a conclusion.

If you can't find that kind of support, then I think that it would be essential for you to speak to your boyfriend about it. If bringing up these kinds of concerns makes things worse, then there's your answer. You may hate the thought of leaving, but if the two cannot talk it through in a supportive manner, then there's only one more choice besides coming to the conclusion that the relationship is untenable in the long run: see a counselor together.

You see, I believe that you can be happy and that your feelings and desires are valid and important.

Whatever you can do to get clear within yourself is very important, I think. Otherwise, you greatly increase the chances that you will have a repeat performance with a future guy. Then you will be unclear within yourself as to what it is you need, and without that answer, it is far less likely that you will ever find it.

This way, if you can get clear (I can recommend still more methods for doing so), then even if you never find what you want, there's a kind of self-love that shines through always with that kind of clarity and self-honoring.