[MMcfly1]

I broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year and a half in August of 2010, and for around 3 months of on/off contact and meeting up (to see if we could work things out) I told her I didn't want it anymore. I then met another girl and have been with her since sept 2010 and its all going well, but I cannot stop thinking about my ex! It's driving me mad that I can't txt/email. I want to know what she's been up to and how she is... I am so confused!

I know that I love being with my new girlfriend and I know it isn't fair for me to have these thoughts and not tell her, but I am just not sure if this is just a phase or not...

I need advice as to what these feelings are, and what actions I should/shouldnt take!

Please help!

[acciosnivellus]

Well, it sounds like to me you didn't let yourself properly heal before you jumped into a new relationship. Having on/off contact and meeting up for a few months after a serious relationship is not helping either of you heal properly. It's only prolonging the process. It may be nice having someone new around, which most likely distracted you from your breakup, but now it may be settling in that you are not completely over your ex. It is not fair to your new girlfriend to be caught in the middle of your indecision. Sure, it may be a phase, it may not be. It's common to still care about your ex as a person and wonder how they are, but these thoughts shouldn't consume you and leave you confused about your current partner. Only you can figure this out once you've really had time to sort through your feelings and properly heal, then go from there.

Think about it, would you want your girlfriend secretly having feelings for her ex while you are clueless? Communication and honesty are important foundations for any relationship to build on if you want it to work.

[LightCross]

There are certain points when people could mistake love and comfort, people who in their weakest state like for example after fighting with soemeone special, lost someone special etc tend to be vulnerable, as for your case you probably felt really great emptiness post break up and during this weak state this new girl showed up and somehow interact with you and you find comfort in her somehow, I am trying to tell you here that you must identify whatever feeling you have for your current girl atm whether it is really love or just simply temporary a comfort that being used as replacement for the space that your ex left behind? Cus I am guessing that you currently entered rebound relationship which is not good for you and your current girlfriend atm. And as the previous poster said, you could be not healing properly yet before you jumped into another relationship, because if you did heal properly you wouldn't think about your ex like how you described above

[talaniman]

Not enough time between relationships for you to properly heal. Its not unusual, given how long you both held on after the break up for the emotional dust to be still not settled.

I think the way you can best deal with it is to continue doing what your doing, and don't look back, and accept you still have those feelings. They will fade in time as you realize there was no more to be done and it was over a long time before you let go finally. That's why no contact is so recommended after a break up, so you can have time to deal with those leftover feelings, and get beyond them.

[answerme_tender]

Why do you care what she is doing, no offense but you are the one who said you didn't want to do the on/off relationship, you were done. You made a choice, you moved on with your life.

If you are as happy with your new girlfriend as you claim you wouldn't be sitting around wondering about your ex-girlfriend!! Are you wondering if she is happier then you are right now with a new guy?

Iam not trying to be harsh, but I do argree that you just didn't give yourself enough time to heal and grow from your breakup with the ex-girlfriend. Even though its hard to be alone after being with someone in a relationship, it does give us time to heal and to actually grow as an individual. We actually mature from this. We regroup know what we what and what we are able to give in a real relationship.

Maybe its time for you to really step back, see if this relationship that your in is what you want.

Take Care.

[vanheart]

Doesn't sound like you know what you want yet. Not over your ex. Rebounding.

Don't hurt your current girlfriend because you're not all in. (wanting to email & text your ex so bad... etc.)

That's not fair, now is it? Nor a basis for another relationship.

Take some time to figure it out. But, not too long.

Be honest with yourself first.