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Megg · Jan 12, 2007, 09:11 AM

We have been engagd for a year or more. I want to marry, he wants to too, but we are poor so we can't yet. I'm worried we may never get married. Or how to go about doing it and how much it cost's. I wanted to try the fast way, but he want's a real church/ family weeding. I couldn't care less. Ohhh and how do you know your truly right for each other?

lostandnowfound · Jan 12, 2007, 09:16 AM

You can go to the justice of the peace in your city hall... I am not sure how much a marriage liscene costs guess aound 50$ to get married it cost vary little if you both want to then go for it. How old are you? Only you two can answer if you guys are right... we do not know your situation...

What are the bad sides of your relationship? How much time does he spend away from you?

Megg · Jan 12, 2007, 09:20 AM

Well I'm 20, he's 19. He thinks I too much, lol. I think he's anoying. Sometime's I wish I was somewhere else, he's the only person I see. I don't have a job, car and no friend's. So I'm at home all the time. We do love each other very much, we are together consintly. Talk about a lot of stuff too. He's never away from me though.

lostandnowfound · Jan 12, 2007, 09:25 AM

OK Honestly it does not sound like he is the one at this time...
Maybe down the road...
What aread of the states do you live small town Big city... burbs etc..
Have you gotten to travel or seen some of what the world/country has to offer
It sounds like you have a great friend and boyfriend... but to commit your rest of life at this time seems a little early... take it slow you can be together and be just as strong or stronger as any married couple... if your true to each other and faithful why not wait but live as if you are married... as far as faithfulness and enjoy the life you have being young...
Why do you feel like its time to get married now?

Megg · Jan 12, 2007, 09:50 AM

Well I live in York pa. It's like outside a town. Small I guess. I have no where else to go. My dad is crzy can't live with him, my family are bad, can't see them and mom is in a home. Sadly, when I get mad I think I'm stuck. I've got no friend's so I can't go anywhere. Never seen much of the world, I haven't a penny to my name. We have been together for 2year's and I have done very bad things a few times. But because of our love we are still together. I wrote bad things to people online and on a phone. I was told it may be because I feel I need someone to talk to other then him. We got though it because I begged and pleaded. I don't do anything wrong anymore, I just want to make friend's. Talk to people. I don't want to not be with him as a g/f /wife. We get along 90% of the time and talk it over and fix it most the time. I tend to complain a lot and he gets mad. He tends to walk away from arguments and I bugg him, so we get into big fights once in awhile. He's the only guy or person who ever really liked me truly because of me. He never lies, never keeps secrets, and I feel like were meant for each other. At same time I sometime's wonder what its like out there. But this could be normal. In the future IF I did want to take a break he'd be so devistated. But I don't know what will happen. It's hard to say. Thaks for your comment's though.

lostandnowfound · Jan 12, 2007, 10:00 AM

Wow OK your story sounds so vary familer to my girls first situation and some of ours now... You ar a vary smart girl I can tell... your parents have failed you, but they have issues of there own... they should have been there for you...

I want you to know that anyhting I say is not meant to be anything but factual... plese don't get upset or take offense to anyhting I say...
You sounds like you are lonely... its ownderful you have this man... he really does sound like the one but maybe not marriage just yet... please listen
To be married is going to join you in the law... to the state... you sound like your relationship is right on track... My advice to you is to love and cherish this man as a friend lover confidant and everything else... use his support for you to be able to get your own wings... you have to learn to walk before you fly... I would say you both live a little let somet ime go by in the company of each other... maybe even look at ways to get out on your own first... once you live and get over some of the stuff your parents have left you with... then your head willl be much more clear to mae the descicion of marriage...
Do not notnot get into it because its an escape form your parents that is what my girl did then ended up with 2 kids and never learned to walk... until she met me she had no one to help her get on her feet... and to be honest I am having hard times with her understandign all that it takes to be happy and healthy in your mind body and soul
If you do go forward... you two should vow to try to become a self sufficient couple before getting married... what if you got married have a few kids then relaize he was not the one and you rushed into it because of your situation... you think its har dnow just imagine dojng it with kids...

Megg · Jan 12, 2007, 10:08 AM

Good advice, I'm not offened. We are living together now though. We've been for sometime. Didn't know if I said that or not, that is why I have no where to go. I can't just leave, id be homless. I don't have a job and my bank account is -0. So I don't know... right now I'm just trying to fix my problem's and better our relationship. Since its mostly me at fault. Which I do agree with, maybe I just am not a good person as I should be. --If you knew me you'd know I'm actually not too smart, hehe. I tend to go along with the crowd, unfortunaltly. I also don't get easy things that other's would understand. And I'm dealing with my mom having Pick's, grandpa's death and my family hating me, lol. Life just sux.

lostandnowfound · Jan 12, 2007, 10:22 AM

Life sucks for you right now... it is not meant to suck and I apologize for your life experience being this. I mean if he is as committed to you as he says.. I would be OK for you to talk to him and say... I know I am not exactly what you would like and how I deal with things is not how you would... but tell him "please please belive me" look into his eyes and say I do not want to be this way forever... I just don't know the other way...
Then you need to say no matter what happens I need your support... please undertstand I do not have a mother or a father to go to... (what is his family like?)
I have enothing and you are my chance to make this life joyus and happy." not saying your reltionship as boyfriend and girlfriend is not the most important but hoenstly its not... your health and safety is #1... then worry about makign the relationship work...
Then work with him to take little baby steps.. things that might seem so obvious to otehrs you need to learn to do them as a new adult person who is changing for the better...
It will mean you will have to shake a lot of the past pain and the way you see/saw yourself...
When you decide the day your going to change you pick it... and you do not look back once you set that plan in motion... it will not be easy... lots of pain... but I swear to god... if I could share the piece of mind I have with you.. you would want it... and say the pain I went throug to get here is sooo worth it... also when youget there... you will look back and only want to help others... you will be a success story... and everyone loves that... it is also a great book... maybe you could document your healing to share it with others!

Megg · Jan 12, 2007, 10:25 AM

Lol yea that'd be a story all right. Lol

lostandnowfound · Jan 12, 2007, 10:30 AM

It would be... that is why you must decide to reclaim your life in your own name! I know you feel beat down and even though your with your mate you do not want to over whelm him with your feelings... but I want you to decide you are committed to healing... and will only move forward!.

Megg · Jan 12, 2007, 05:13 PM

Well I tell him a lot of the things that bother me, but it's just that oh I don't even know. I'm just so messed up right now. I posted a lot of other question's but I don't think anyone answered them. I just wonder about a lot of things and stuff.