[wazupmaddie]

I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. Everything between us has always been great. He treated me better than I could ever imagine and we always got along. No one ever thought we would split, neither did I. I know that he is the one who I want to be with but over the past two months there has been complications. We were hanging out one night and got into an argument. Neither one of us would make up or apologize for what happen and I left. The next day I felt horrible and we made up. After that fight we were starting to talk a little different. I could tell something was up and because of this I tried harder and harder to make the relationship perfect and back to what it was. I may have been fooling myself to think it was still okay or maybe it was. He still would tell me he loved me but next thing I knew he had broken up with me. This was hard but after a week or two I was fine and moving on. I was having fun hanging out with my girl friends and focusing on other things, he was completely off my mind. Of course once I had started feeling better my ex after two weeks had contacted me wanting to talk. I always will be a sucker when it comes to him after so long and I talked back. He told me how sorry he was and that he needs me in his life. I was still hurting so I asked for some time. Time passed and we started to get very close again. He was constantly reminding me how sorry he was and how much he loved me and wanted to be with me. One day after a month I finally said it back, that I wanted to be with him too. Now he wanted to wait. I was so confused at why, I had waited and waited until I felt like it was okay and he was always telling me he wanted to get back together but now that I was ready why wasn't he? He asked me back out and I said yes, so happy again! He told me sorry for everything that had happened and he promised he would not hurt me again. Well he did. I found out that he was confused between me and another girl. He even said that if this other girl was interested he would have left! This devastated me seeing that he said this stuff after we were back together and he had told me he loved me and what not. I confronted him about it and broke up with him, hurt once again. He told me the next day how he had no idea why he said that stuff and that he seriously thought about it and that I was who made him happy and that I was who he wanted to be with. I said okay yet again. This was just all so out of character for him. Over the two and a half years we were together everything had always been perfect so for all this to happen I thought it was just a bump in our relationship and we could get over it. The situation I am in now is that we are together and sometimes he is his old sweet self and other times I can't tell if he really even cares or is trying. Here I am putting so much stuff behind me to work it out and I just don't know. Last thing that bothers me is he isn't open about the fact we are dating but I know for a fact him and that other girl are just friends. I just am so hurt to the point I can't eat and seeing other people happy makes me sad! I don't know what to do anymore and don't want to push him away by constantly being sad about it or trying to talk about it. We just never had any problems like this so I have no idea what to do and need a view from someone who doesn't know us both personally. I just need help!

[joypulv]

I took someone back once, only to leave him a year later. I am still not sure that I didn't just want to even the score. SIGH
In your case it sounds like he just have to have someone, even if it means going back and forth until he decides or until one of you decides! Who needs that? And now he's keeping your relationship a secret of sorts?? Make like a pea and split. NOW.

One little reminder though: after a few years the romance just isn't going to be the same, and you have to be secure in each other's love. This tends to be harder for women many times, because they may want and need lots of proof, lots of affection and words and hugs and snuggling. This is when many relationships fall apart. You may have to sit down and make a list together of what is missing/disliked and what is needed. Try to avoid the former and concentrate on the positive - what is needed. Treat it like a course or free couples counseling.

[bobthebehr]

Sounds like you have a guy who wants to have his cake and eat it too. No relationship should be a secret of any sort. If he truly loves you he would display it and he would be open about it to anyone and everyone that asked. Love changes once you've been hurt like you have it can't nor won't be the same. I know you don't want to talk about it but communicating with him is the only way your going to have your needs met. If you truly want to be with this guy then sit him down and communicate how and what your feeling. Perhaps you can make a list of the things that really bother you slowly tackle one issue at a time. Pre-planning parts of this conversation could benefit you (you don't want him to feel like your attacking him he'll only jump on the defensive) choose your words wisely and compassionatly. There will be no change if you just keep swallowing your feelings and pushing them aside for his sake. There are times one needs to be selfish and this is one. Set some boundaries and let him be aware of your expectations of him. If he really loves you like he says he does he will reciprocate with his own boundaries and expectations. If he makes no attempt to change or to make you feel more loved, then leave it sounds like you handled the last break-up well and lived without him just fine before. There are people out there who can and will love you better. Don't settle, your feelings are dictating your truth. Take a step back and consider the bigger picture. Do you want a husband who treats you like that? I know I wouldn't

[talaniman]

When you first broke up, you had friends you were having fun with, and so you say you were moving on and fine with things. But then he comes back, and you become convinced that you can get back together but, now you need time to think while he does his thing waiting for you to make a decision.

Neither of you recognized that this thing was over, but you just didn't stick to letting it go and healing. What's obvious, is the lack of honest communications that leads to these break ups, when things get tough, and the make ups, once the emotions have settled down. That's a killer for a relationship. Any relationship. Now you are faced with insecurities because of what has changed in between break up, and make up.

For sure, its never going to be the same as it was, and may not work now, until you get on the same page, and that's only through talking and listening, and a lot of patience that honestly, you have not shown so far. You never resolve issues until you identify them, you never can make those adjustments until you can talk about what the problems are. None of this has been done so I can only see another breakdown of communications and another break up coming. Sorry, but unless that communications changes, you are holding on for nothing.

When that happens, best to let go, and move forward rather than be stuck in limbo. Sure things are always easy to go along with, when its fun and frolic, but sooner or later you get to the point of doing the work to maintain, and build a relationship, through the obstacles and hurdles of life. You have to talk, or what's the point??

[LightCross]

We were hanging out one night and got into an argument. Neither one of us would make up or apologize for what happen and I left.

The problem with the relationship was the initiative to be more open here.In a relationship never ever waiting for your partner to act first, whenever there is argument there should be action from both rather than silent treating each other because psychologically it does give impact on both, especially when things was fine for longgg time then suddenly the road started to get rocky.

Well he did. I found out that he was confused between me and another girl. He even said that if this other girl was interested he would have left!

Seems like he is keeping you as his tap, and although he did back with you currently his heart is not ready yet as he still in confusion. The way he is now he won't be able to be in relationship with you like he was until he learned to change. It is better to let him off for now and as for you , you still need to heal and get back into proper daily routine you used to do, eat properly and don't think about him for awhile.