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unknown1506 · Jan 12, 2007, 12:06 AM

I already have 1 child and I'm doing great raising her but financially not to good cause I can't find a job that pays good enough but I was recently forced to do some things I didn't want to and now I'm pregnant with a child and I don't know what I should do cause I know once I see it I won't be able to give it up and I don't believe in abortion but I'm only 17 and this child will have a different daddy than my other child (the guy I'm with) so I think everything is going to be awkward. But I have tried to hide it from every one and now I'm starting to show what should I do someone please help me with this question...

sugarplum1985 · Jan 12, 2007, 04:59 AM

First off what do you mean forced you to do things? And does your partner know what you have done if not I think he should be the first person to be told I think you should come clean because at the end of the day your family will always love u, does your partner work? What do you mean you are struggling to raise her financailly children don't need designer gear they don't need the latest toys they need is just the basics and if you want to get her toys and stuff you can always go to a charity shop your little girl isn't going know that they aren't brand new, nobody should ever have to do things that they don't want to. Sorry I can't be any more help than that but hey keep your chin up gal xx

buggage · Jan 12, 2007, 07:37 AM

I agree with sugarplum, you should definitely tell your partner. When you sau you were forced to do something you didn't want to do, does that mean you were raped? If that is the case, your partner would be a big help to you, and very supportive. If this is the case, you should also seek help from the law. Things like that should not go unpunished. I am glad to hear that you do not believe in abortion, that is very good, humane and mature. As far as keeping the baby, Just because it wouldn't be his child doesn't mean that it would have to be uncomfortable and awkward. From the sounds of it, you did not willingly go out and get pregnant, like if you were cheating on him. So there is no reason to be ashamed of the baby. However, if you feel that you can not financially take care of the child, and you are both uncomfortable with keeping it, there is no shame in adoption either. There are so many people out there that can not have children of their own that would love to have a baby. In the end the decision is between you and your guy. There are also programs out there that help you with your financial needs. Such as WIC. It helps out with food each month. There are lots of options here. Take your time with your decision, and do your research. Don't rush. This is one of the most important decisions you can make in life. Good luck, and best of wishes

CaptainForest · Jan 12, 2007, 07:54 PM

Originally Posted by sugarplum1985

first off what do u mean forced u to do things?

Originally Posted by buggage

When you sau you were forced to do something you didnt want to do, does that mean you were raped?

I took it to mean she is a prostitute.

Based on her comments how it has been hard on her financially.

Originally Posted by unknown1506

her but financially not to good cause i can't find a job that pays good enough but i was recently forced to do some things i didnt want to

Sounds to me like she had sex for money. Could be just my dirty mind though.

Unknown1506, TELL your partner. You can't hide this pregnancy forever.

Originally Posted by buggage

When you sau you were forced to do something you didnt want to do, does that mean you were raped? If that is the case, your partner would be a big help to you, and very supportive.

Buggage, I disagree with you.

She states she doesn't want to have an abortion not give the child up for adoption.

If my girlfriend was raped and got pregnant, I would not want the constant reminder of the baby around me.

buggage · Jan 12, 2007, 09:18 PM

I didn't think of the whole prostitution thing. And if she had been raped, it still would not be the child's fault that it happened. Would you honestly look at that child as something bad?good things can come out of bad things. I commended her for not opting for abortion, as I think it takes a strong nad good person to not put themselves above a child's life, and carry it to full term, then put it for adoption. She was saying she didn't think she could give it up for adoption once she saw it, and I was simply saying there is nothing wrong with giving the child up for adoption, (esp if it would caues problems in her relationship, as I also stated)

Synnen · Jan 12, 2007, 09:43 PM

I would just like to point out that carrying a child to term then placing the child for adoption does NOT mean there are no reminders of the child.

I placed my child for adoption, and I think of her every single day, and have for 14 years.

Placing a child for adoption does NOT mean forgetting the child, nor will it mean you forget the circumstances under which the child was conceived.

Why does everyone who is against abortion think that adoption is an EASY and GOOD option? It's not necessarily either!

Honey... you need to talk to your partner. Come clean. If he loves you, he'll stick by you through this. If he can't handle it... well, would you really want someone that weak with you for the rest of your life anyway?

I really really recommend getting some counseling. There ARE programs out there that can help you, and an unexpected pregnancy is always distressing. Talk to a local clergyperson (even if you don't go to church regularly!) or to someone at Planned Parenthood or Lutheran (or Catholic) Social Services. These agencies are great at helping you find help.

I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully, you and your partner can work through this together.

CaptainForest · Jan 12, 2007, 09:49 PM

Synnen,

I still think this was prostitution and not rape, but until the OP comes back and clarifies, we won't know.

I could be wrong. It could be rape. I doubt it, but it could be.

Buggage,
I was talking from my point of view, the fathers. If I am with a girl and we have a child together and then she gets pregnant with someone's else child, there is no way I would stay with her if she kept the child. At least, I don't think I could stay with her. I have never been in that situation myself.

As for the OP saying how she thinks adoption would be hard.

She is 17, she didn't give her first child up for adoption, there is NO way she will give this one up either.

And if I were her partner under that circumstance, I can't see myself wanting to stick around. Who knows. I am just saying that is what I think.

unknown1506 · Jan 12, 2007, 09:59 PM

Originally Posted by unknown1506

I already have 1 child and im doing great raising her but financially not to good cause i can't find a job that pays good enough but i was recently forced to do some things i didnt want to and now im pregnant with a child and i dont know what i should do cause i know once i see it i wont be able to give it up and i dont believe in abortion but im only 17 and this child will have a different daddy than my other child (the guy im with) so i think everything is going to be awkward. but i have tried to hide it from every one and now im starting to show what should i do someone please help me with this question...

First off I would like to say it was not prostitution I'm only 17 but I know way better then to do something that stupid. This is what happened the father of my first kid and I broke up for a while and another guy started talking to me and kept telling me he wanted me to have his baby since I was so good with the one I have now and I said no over and over again but it wans't good enough he wanted it his way and he tried to get me pregnant by forcing me to have sex with him and I never talk to him again after that and I started talking to my baby's father again which is who I'm with now and he does know but my dad doesn't and I was able to tell my mom today... he is doing OK about it but says he won't treat it the same way he does his first child that he is going to tell his first child it is her cousin or something but he would still be there and help me through it because he doesn't expect me to do it on my own

AKaeTrue · Jan 12, 2007, 10:06 PM

How do you know the baby's father is the other guys?
Were you and your Bf broken up for that long?
Well, I would have to say this is a tough situation. Your Bf is kind enough to stay by you and be supportive; however he states that he'll treat the baby differently... Maybe that response is coming from anger and hurt...
It's hard to tell... What do you think? You know him best...

unknown1506 · Jan 12, 2007, 10:16 PM

Me and my first baby's father were broke up for about 4 months and I new I was pregnant when we got back together... He says that he thinks it will be different when the child gets here but right now he is bothered by the whole thing but he doesn't want me to go through it alone... but its hard to tell with him cause he is the type that is unpredictable but I know he cares about me

AKaeTrue · Jan 12, 2007, 10:28 PM

He's possibly hurt right now. He obviously cares for you and is just being honest with you about his feelings in the wrong ways.
The rudeness was possibly his way of venting his anger and frustration, which is more than likely you sleeping with another guy that resulted in pregnancy rather that the baby itself, but when it comes down to it, like he said, things will be different when the baby arrives.

logansmommy · Jan 12, 2007, 11:40 PM

Even if the guy wanted you pregnant you could have went and got on the shot and he would think he getting ome where and he really wouldn't have. As far as telling you what to do and you only being 17 I don't really know. Id hope you would love and take care of this baby just as you did for the first 1 how old I your first child? Have you tried getting food stamps and you can get wic on your 1st child and you can always get wic on yourself while your pregnant but then after that get it on the baby. Plus you need to find the other guy and get child support on him. And that will help u 2. I mean he did want the baby anyway. And it is his kid.

buggage · Jan 13, 2007, 01:28 PM

Synnen, I definitely think adoption is WAY better then abortion. If you don't want the child enough to abort, then you should go for adoption. She said she didn't want to abort, or put up for adoption, but was afraid it would cause problems in her currently family relationship if she kept the child. I wasn't telling her to put the baby up for adoption. I was commending her for choosing the child's life over selfishenss, and that if she was afraid it would hurt the relationship, there was always adoption, and it wasn't a terrible thing for her to do. In no way was I saying it was EASY to do. I have kids, and I know it would not be EASY to give the child up. But if the child would be living in a bad situation if she kept it, then it would be better for everyone if she did.
UNKNOWN. I am glad that we have the whole story, so everyone can stop questioning the situation(for your sake). As I said, I urge you to go to the authorities and let them know what happened, as this guy can't be let to get away with what he did. As far as your man goes, I think it is very commendable of him to not want to leave you alone in this, instead of being selfish, and thinking of only how he feels. That's a sign of a good guy there. I hope he sticks to it. As far as his feelings for the baby, I can understand how he is having a hard time with it. But once he starts to think of it as just an innocent baby, born from you, and not as a horrible act against his girlfriend, then I am sure he will come around. Being a father is so much more, then just being the sperm owner. It is taking care of a child and showing it love, no matter what the circumstances may be, and not punishing the child for the crimes of the father. I wish you the best in your situation. And I hope all goes well.