[SameOldSituation]

Julie??

[daisydew]

Hi again everyone! Some of you might remember me from about 9 months ago when my boyfriend broke up with me. I've come so far since then. I had no contact for about 7 months. He called and messaged a few times, but I never returned the favor until about 7 months ago. We agreed to get together and hang out. He put the moves on me that night and we ended up taking it way farther than just a friendly catching up session.

For about the next 2 weeks he texted me practically nonstop. We got together and few more times and the same thing kept happening. He kept mentioning how he wanted to marry me, but he couldn't be with me right now.. He wanted to take things slowly. Anyway, now he just never calls or texts. He just dropped off the face of the planet apparently. I tried calling and leaving a text. I'm not desperate like I used to be : ) so I just called once and he hasn't returned my call for 4 days now. He didn't call me all last week either.

Basically, I don't know what he's doing. What do you guys think? I kind of feel like he's just saving me for later whenever he's ready for whatever he wants. Or maybe he just used me for whatever he wanted. I wish he'd just be upfront with me. I know for a fact if we do end up talking again and I bring up how he said he would call me on Sunday but didn't, he will just say he was busy and that I'm overreacting. I guess the key here is I need to tell myself that if he really wanted to work things out he would be calling me and paying more attention to me. (Sorry this ended up so jumbled)

One more piece of information: he got a girlfriend pretty soon after he broke up with me. He said he thought that being with her would help him get over me, but that it didn't work. He tells me he's still not over me. He also told me he didn't do anything sexual with her because every time they'd get close he would think about me and he couldn't go on with it.

My logic tells me that this guy has serious problems and I should probably just stay away. It's so hard though. I know that when if he calls and wants to hang out I'll try so hard to say no but he'll convince me to say yes.

Again, sorry this ended up so unorganized. I'm pretty upset about it lately though, so any insight would be greatly appreciated.

[ordinaryguy]

My logic tells me that this guy has serious problems and I should probably just stay away. It's so hard though. I know that when if he calls and wants to hang out I'll try so hard to say no but he'll convince me to say yes.

Sounds like you know perfectly well what's the smart thing to do, but because it's "so hard", you've already decided that you'll do the dumb thing instead.

Come on, have some self-respect and grow a backbone. Doing the smart thing isn't THAT much harder, and it costs a lot less in the long run.

[friend4u178]

Daiseydew
You've already done the Hard yards , you remember what you were feeling like all those months ago? Ok so now you have to decide "Do you want to go back there" Your choice...
If he truly wanted you he wouldn't fall off the face of the earth!

[origins13]

I went through similar situation. It's not easy to let go but the truth is, you'd find yourself much happier if you cut him off completely. Don't let him lead you on and play with your feelings, whether done intentionally or not. This guys doesn't seem to be mature enough to take care of you and your feelings. Move on.

[Skell]

Sounds like he has decided to do what both of you should have a long time ago. And that's cut with the stringing on and leave one another alone.

Why are you so stressed about your EX not contacting you for 4 days. As far as I'm concerned it shouldn't worry you even if it was four months or longer.

You aren't together anymore. Stop thinking and acting as if you are.

[daisydew]

Yeah, I just need to snap out of it. He just got my hopes up that everything was going to be okay again. I had a connection with him that I've never had with anyone in my life so it's really hard to let it go... I'm sure everyone feels that way about their ex though.

[manga]

Yeah, I just need to snap out of it. He just got my hopes up that everything was going to be okay again. I had a connection with him that I've never had with anyone in my life so it's really hard to let it go... I'm sure everyone feels that way about their ex though.

You'll find someone else with an even better connection that will give you the communication that you need and let you float around wondering what the hellis going on.

[br_hjs]

If you want to be with him try to work things out if you can't or don't want to be with him then you need to tell him to leave you alone

[daisydew]

Well, I've been trying to work things out this past month or so. He just sends me so many mixed signals. For awhile he was just telling me how he wants to marry me, but now we haven't had a real conversation for more than 2 weeks. I cried about him for the first time today in a really long time. I wish there was an easy answer. If I tell him not to talk to me anymore I'll always wonder what could have happened between us. But I can't be in this position I'm in anymore. I wonder if he's off with other girls and things like that. A big part of me thinks if he really cared so much about being with me, he would call more than once in 2 weeks.

[br_hjs]

My boyfriend would always try breaking up with me, showing he cares, acting like he loves me, acting like he hates me... etc. and I never gave up. No matter what. And eventually he started to care more about me. And quit getting mad. And now is starting to just show that he cares. If you love him a lot then do all you can possibly do, and don't give up on him. And you said that about him having a girlfriend... if he can't do that with her because he thinks of you then he must miss you. Can you talk to him about it?

[manga]

Well, I've been trying to work things out this past month or so. He just sends me so many mixed signals. For awhile he was just telling me how he wants to marry me, but now we haven't had a real conversation for more than 2 weeks. I cried about him for the first time today in a really long time. I wish there was an easy answer. If I tell him not to talk to me anymore I'll always wonder what could have happened between us. But I can't be in this position I'm in anymore. I wonder if he's off with other girls and things like that. A big part of me thinks if he really cared so much about being with me, he would call more than once in 2 weeks.

Reread this and listen to yourself and how you feel. U want him to be the boss of you? No daisy dew you're the boss of you! There's no one that can control the way you feel and protect yourself better than you. Time to drop the washer that broke two months ago.

[talaniman]

I don't understand what my ex is doing to me

He isn't doing anything you are not allowing. Your going backward, not forward. Leave him alone for chrissake!! This is a rerun of misery and when do you get enough of that??

[rol]

Daisydew,
He sounds really commitmentphobic, he cannot commit to being in the relationship and he cannot commit to leaving it.

Go and buy the book 'hes scared she's scared'by steven carter, it will explain a lot of things and explain your part in choosing this kind of man.
Its very deep reading but really really worthwhile.

[Skell]

You're doing it to yourself. Not him. He doesn't love you. He doesn't want to marry you. Your holding on to something that was broken a long time ago.. He is off with other with girls. He's off doing what single guys do. After all he is single.

Sorry if I sound harsh but I think you need to hear some reality. As tal said you are going backwards, not forwards. Start taking some control of your life. At the moment he control everything.

[ordinaryguy]

I wish there was an easy answer.

This is the heart of the matter, right here. Easy has nothing to do with it. You clearly do know the right answer to your dilemma, but you don't want to act on what you know, so you call it "so hard" and think that gives you some kind of excuse to act on what you know full well is the wrong answer. It's time to take responsibility for your own choices and quit whining about "what my ex is doing to me".

[daisydew]

It's been over a year now and my ex still has a pretty big effect on my emotions. He broke up with me over a year ago, and I didn't talk to him for 7 months. He kept trying to contact me, and I finally answered the phone. We hung out a few times but then he just stopped talking to me. Recently, around Christmas he called me up again and we ended up hanging out and sleeping together. He told me he was single, but it turns out he had a girlfriend that was away on vacation. He told me that he wants to be with me later in life and his feelings about me never changed... obviously he was just using me though. After I found out he lied to me about having a girlfriend, I told him never to talk to me again and actually wrote her a message telling her what happened. I recently came across a blog of his talking about how happy he is with his new girlfriend etc... I just feel really sad about it. Even though if he's cheating on her, it can't be that great of a relationship. Doesn't it seem like after a year, what he's doing wouldn't affect me anymore? I can see how unhealthy our relationship was now, but for some reason I still miss him. How long does the feeling for your exes last? I feel like I'm going to be on an emotional roller coaster for years. We dated for about 2 years.

[LivingtheLifeinFLA]

There is no time when you will be over it. Everyone heals differently. When its out of your mind is when it is out of your mind.

My feelings are that when you really commit to someone it takes much longer to get over that person. Unfortunately, most people get in relationships so that they will not be alone, so the time to heal is short because they were never really committed in the first place.

Sorry to hear about your pain. We don't choose who we have feelings for and it seems like your ex has a lot of growing to do before he will be a good catch to someone.

[TrueFaith]

you should really keep him out of your life. Its different if an X is in your mind. And if he is still in your life which is what it sounds if he sleept with you over X-mass
sorry to hear about the pain your in.

but really I would let him go.

I think about my X.s even if I'm with my new girlfriends but id never go back with them because there not right for me. And this guy does not sound right for you

Regards

[talaniman]

If you had not hung out and had sex, you would be farther along with your healing, so start all over again with No Contact.