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MZZWRIGHT · Jan 1, 2011, 08:06 AM

I am wondering if consuling really help? I have been married for 3 years and everything was great until about 8 months ago it came out that my 13 year old son may be gay. His step dad always yelling at him and it got to the point step dad almost hit him so he moved out so nothing like that would happen. It has been 2 months since he left and has stopped over a few times and when he sees my some he just wants to yell at him or just hit him because he hates gay people and he said he would not come back and live under the same roof while my son is deciding to be gay or not. He is only 13 and he says he likes girls to so he as at the bicurios stage. I am having a hard time dealing with it also but unconditional love had to step in and had a talk with my son that what ever he chooses I will stand behind him but until he is 18 I will not except it. Then I thought called my mom and cried saying what do I do when he does turn 18 and what's to bring a boyfriend home it just creeps me out. Pleaseeeeeeesssseeeee help any advice

tickle · Jan 1, 2011, 08:24 AM

I can only say that if I were in your shoes, I would accept my son as I found him and love and respect him no matter what. I am sure his dad would feel the same way.

I am sure your son is just curious as you say and the situation in your home has gotten out of control, probably sending your son the entirely wrong message. You will drive him away if you are not careful.

This is the wrong circumstance for 'tough love'.
Tick

excon · Jan 1, 2011, 08:37 AM

Hello MZZ Wright:

You're better off WITHOUT Mr. Wrong. I don't know what you do about your son... Just love him, and let him live his life.

excon

Jake2008 · Jan 1, 2011, 10:26 AM

I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for your son to come out and tell you and your husband that he thinks he is gay. To now feel responsible for him leaving, and to know how upset everybody is, must be tremendous pressure on him. While you say you will love him unconditionally, you attach a condition that you won't accept him being gay until he is 18 is alienating him further.

I urge you to get counselling- for all of you. But, particularly your son. While he is struggling, he's also coping with the demise of feeling responsible for the breakup of his family.

I agree with con, that your husband's reaction is extreme and inappropriate, bordering on violence. At least he had the sense to leave before your son was hurt.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 1, 2011, 11:27 AM

Most likely 90 percent of 13 year old boys wonder about their sexual status. Because of the acceptance of talking about being gay more talk about it. At 13 he has no idea what sexual preference he is going to be. And since 13 year olds are not sexually active

I may see a man wanting to send him to boarding school, or even sending the 13 year old to counseling, but not to become violent,

Your jerk of a husband has some hidden issue, no one is that violent with a teenager that is not even his own child.

I would say stay separated but he needs to start counseling and perhaps move on to couples counseling and even familying counseling.

jenniepepsi · Jan 1, 2011, 12:44 PM

Love your son and kick your jerk of a husband to the curb and tell him to stay away from your son!! There is no excuse for abuse! I don't care how much the man dislikes the CHILD!

answerme_tender · Jan 4, 2011, 02:31 PM

Wow, Iam amazed not so much with the step-father, but you as a mother!! You put stipulations on how long you will continue to back up your son, till he is eighteen!

I am a mother of a special needs son, and let me tell you something, my children come first--PERIOD No man even if he is my husband is going to abuse my child due him not measuring up to HIS expectations.

This goes for your son!! For the love, just because your son may choose a different sexual orientation your husband believes he has the right to treat him like he no more the dog crap under his feet. Your son is healthy, he can walk,talk,think for himself, he will be able to graduate from school go on to college, live a full life, and most of ALL he will be able to love and give love and THAT IS ALL A PARENT COULD WANT!!

Apparently your husband hasn't been taught how to love unconditionally, that's a shame, I wonder what he will be missing out in life. Bottom line is that his lack of compassion isn't your son's problem to deal with.

I would try the counseling for yourself and most of all your son. Hopefully your son will never know that you even questioned that unconditional parental love goes past the age of 18yrs.

I hope you can all find the help you need as a family.

MZZWRIGHT · Jan 5, 2011, 07:27 AM

It is not that I put stipulations on my son. He just has to abid by house rules. I just will not except him having relations in my house same goes for my daughters I will not let boyfriends stay over and be left alone if I am not home. When they are 18 they are free to do what they want but if they are still under my roof rules still apply.

answerme_tender · Jan 5, 2011, 07:50 AM

When I read your post I did not read anything pertaining to house rules. I read where your husband is abusive to son,due to his sexual preference. That you also were pretty much grossed out about this choice and would only stand by him until he was 18yrs!! That you are afraid he would basically get it on with another guy in front of you. Your son sexual perferance maybe different, but most homosexuals don't have the urge to make out in front of their Mothers!

I think most parents of house rules that they expect their children to live by. I personally don't know any parent to allows any of their children to bring home their boyfriend/girlfriends to have open sex in their house. There may be some out their, but I have never meet any.

I will say this, that if you have or will ever allow your daughter to bring home her boyfriend to meet you or have dinner at your house, that it will only be fair to let your son bring his partner to do the same. Remember no matter whom you son chooses to love, he will always be your son, will be there next to you when you get older and need to lean on him. He will remember how you handled this issue. You have the choice to show him that you have chosen to handle it with grace, and uncompromising love, or like your husband with totally ignorance and ugliness.

Again I wish you the best, hopefully your husband will find that giving unconditional love is not always easy, but it is the one true thing that can be given with no ties.

roy56 · Jan 5, 2011, 02:14 PM

Love your son unconditionally he may still not turn out to be gay though just exploring his own feelings and sexuality. The stepdad sounds like he needs counselling over his irrational hatred of gay people. Why does he feel the need to yell and hit your 13yr old son because he might be gay? Until this person can learn to respect your son whether gay or straight he should not be allowed anywhere near this young child.