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NallaNeedsYou · Dec 31, 2010, 05:20 AM

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Hello. I am young, only 16 but I have been in love with a close friend for almost a year and a half. We have known each other well for over 12 years but we live about 250 miles away from each other. I have tried to be there for her, as a friend. But about 18 months ago, we were at a party and the next day what was an un-questioned friendship suddenly became something different. The girl is still insecure, she doesn't feel that she can trust her self with one person, she feels like a slut. I am always there for her as a friend, and she is growing into a much more confidant and happy individual. I get on well with her parents and grandparents and vice versa. I just wish I knew more about our future, she is always too unsure to make requests or give indications, but she has stopped hiding her feelings for me now. It hurts to be so far away, knowing she might be with this guy or that girl :( but I know that she dislikes it.

I guess I'm just wanting some advice as to what I can do. She doesn't know what she needs or wants. But she is willing to talk! This is very good. Should I be asking questions about a future together? We have talked briefly about university. Should I just keep waiting until we are older and have grown out of teenage issues? Lost as to what to do, it seems there is very little I Can do.

I do love her, even though I am young. She loves me but doesn't trust herself. Id like to ask her to marry me, eventually.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! :D thank you

talaniman · Dec 31, 2010, 06:33 AM

You both are young, and have many changes to go through yet, so planning on a future together is very premature at this stage of your life, and the distance, while okay for friendship, cannot bond you enough to sustain a real relationship.

I can't talk you out of this love dream you have for the future, but hope you have a very balanced fun life where you are, as I think you're a long, long way off from talking marriage, and that whole bit.

I know your feelings are strong and intense, but hers very likely are not, and no doubt she is doing her thing without you, but are you doing your thing without her? You should be, just to keep a healthy realistic balance of life, and reality.

Bonnie0414 · Jan 1, 2011, 12:01 AM

All I have to say is that I was in a relationship for 5 1/2 years with a guy that while I was in 10th 11th and 12th grade and some time after hight school, people change and some times for the better and sometimes not. I had really thought that me and him were going to go places and that I loved him but as you grow up you change and so on and so fourth. I am not saying give up on love just saying wait till you older till before you grow too attached to the one your "in love" with because people do change. Let her grow and do some growing up yourself because you never know what big plans you may have laied out for you. Your still young and have a lot of growing up to do ;)

NallaNeedsYou · Jan 18, 2011, 01:28 PM

Thank you for your advice. I have tried to find some reality in my life, learn more about myself, I felt kind of lost for the last 18 months, trapped in my feelings. We had a couple of lovely conversations, and I suggested that I try and work things out, so I am having no contact for a month. Big contrast to talking every day haha, well I have to be ready as a person myself if I am ever going to offer her anything as a friend or as a lover. I am having a party at my house in just over a month's time, and she is brining her boyfriend. How should I best prepare myself, I don't know how to cope with being near her with a better guy she wants and is happy with. I know I have to leave her alone, I have to let her live her life, but I also need to find something myself. Thanks again

NallaNeedsYou · Mar 27, 2011, 10:03 AM

Hi there. I have been thinking about an ongoing and rather complicated relationship with my best friend, and Im wondering if anyone else has come across people who don't actively express themselves. I imagine I am over-eager to let my feelings show, and to understand more fully the thoughts and feelings of my friend but I feel like she is purposefully un-interested in sharing herself. Even when we are being intimate, like I'm giving her a massage or laying in bed together, I can tell when she is thinking about something, or troubled by it. I have done nothing to betray her trust, and I have never heard her lie. She will avoid questions, and answer partially. Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but it makes me feel so paranoid when she won't be straight with me. I once asked her about her feelings for me, and even though she said that she 'Loves' me I am always the one initiating conversation, or any physical contact. Im left feeling quite confused, but also angry at myself for being selfish about it. Any advice?

talaniman · Mar 27, 2011, 10:50 AM

Stop making things about you, and the way you want things, as they actions and words of out partner is usually about them, how they thing and feel, or express themselves.

In true understanding between partners, you sometimes have to set aside your own feelings, and see things more from their perspective, or back off and get more facts (paying more attention, listening without comment ) overtime before jumping to conclusions, based just on YOUR feelings.

If what she says, or does makes you paranoid, then look within yourself before asking her what she means. Learn to ask for what you want, and not depend on someone giving you what you need, or want. 9 times out of 10, our partner has other thoughts going through their heads, and reading our mind is not one of them.

Most times it's a lot just dealing with themselves, and their own feelings. Once you acknowledge they are different, then its easier to have patience, instead of paranoia.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...er-539265.html

Same partner? If so, maybe you have not developed all the tools yet, to build good communications.

NallaNeedsYou · Apr 1, 2011, 11:26 AM

Yes. Same partner. Thank you for your always thoughtful advice. Its hard not knowing what's going on, but yes I can see that I need to learn ways of interpretting her and making sure we communicate properly. Hopefully as things settle into place we will find it easier to function, separate and together. I will no doubt be posting about my dear friend, I hope one day it will be to say that we are finnally, settled, together and happy! Haha :) we all have dreams