[jzsprinter]

Those words from my girlfriend have resonated in my mind for over 5 months since she suddenly dumped me. I'm new to dating so I have 0 experience in this sort of thing. I spent my high school years as a combination of a nerd and a jock, excelling in academics, athletics, and all my extracurricular activities. I had a graduation party in June and it was the first time we saw each other in several years (her family has been friends with my family for a long time) and we instantly took an interest to each other. We dated for a few weeks and then one night she invited me to hang out with her and dumped me in public. To this day, I've been deeply affected and I haven't been able to live a normal life because she was the only girl to ever come to like and respect me. Also, making me feel even worse is the fact that I did so many great things for her and her family without wanting anything in return besides friendship. I just don't know where to go with this?

[mygod9]

She used you. You need to let go. She'll never realise your worth till you're gone.

[doctormau]

Maybe you were acting "too nice". In order to appeal to a lady, it takes more than doing great things for her. Acting like a nice guy only puts a woman off. What you are supposed to do is act in the opposite. I think things turned out the way they did because you didn't create enough attraction for her to stick around longer. Or maybe you were missing opportunities to do things right and make some moves because you thought that being nice was the right way to go. Regardless of what happened, there's a way to change things. What I'd suggest is that you use the internet to Google for ways of attracting women, what to do on the first and second and third date to keep her coming back etc. There's a guy called David Angelo, who has a lot of useful information in his books and DVD's that will help you step up your game and if you want - even win back that same girl (of course not very advisable). I'm sorry I can't remember the title of the books but just Google and you'll find it. Or you can even search David Angelo in YouTube. All the best dude, and always remember that rejection is just an opportunity to get a better partner.

[jzsprinter]

Comment on mygod9's post

I felt like she betrayed me but not used me since so much trust was built up and then it all came crashing down in an instant for reasons unknown to me. How long is long enough to realize my worth?

Comment on doctormau's post

You bring a good point, but is it morally and ethically acceptable to treat someone who was truly kind and cared for you as trash? Also we had an incredible amount in common, so I don't see how I could find a better partner.

[talaniman]

By your own admission, you are young, and inexperienced. Break ups suck, they are shocking when they happen, and bring many feelings to us. That's just how it goes, and in time we deal with those feelings in positive ways, and move on.

Let me use a sport analogy to maybe help you understand. When you screw up a play, and your team loses a chance to score the winning point, do you go crying to the coach, and placing blame on your teammates?? Such is the way with break ups, you suck it up, practice harder, and do better the next time.

This is your first experience. Just a tease to show you what's possible. Look forward to the next one, and be better prepared, and enjoy it while it lasts, instead of being mad it ended.

You don't just quit after one game do you??

[jzsprinter]

Thank you for the answer. She's just such a special person in my life and she brought so much happiness to me. And I'm not giving up, I'm going to stay with this until it's fixed.

[ITstudent2006]

As a younger individual there is one important fact you need to realize.

Those mature enough to date are mature enough to realize some relationships don't last forever and some don't last long. (like in your case)

You're killing yourself (figuratively speaking) over a couple weeks relationship with a girl you didn't really know. (you don't fully know someone over a few weeks time)

I noticed you said you you were going to stay with this until it's fixed. What do you mean by this?

You can't force someone to love you. If time is what she asked for, time is what you give her. You don't spend that time waiting, thinking, posting about her. Go on with your life.

[talaniman]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to ITstudent2006 again.

She's just such a special person in my life and she brought so much happiness to me. And I'm not giving up, I'm going to stay with this until it's fixed.

Good way to make a pest of yourself, and she will hate you. Accept the game is over, and prepare emotionally for the next. Don't let this temporary disappointment become a reason to compromise your dignity, and self respect. That's crazy, when you can bow out gracefully and leave some pleasant memories for you both.

Didn't your coach teach you to lose gracefully? Learn, and do it better next time.

[jzsprinter]

I meant that I'm going to keep thinking of ways to solve this mess that I didn't even create. I feel that it's selfish to just throw away someone who was so giving of himself because she "needs time to think."

I haven't spoken to her much. I tried to say a friendly hello about a week ago and she didn't even have the courage/decency to say hello back so her friend told me to shutup. She was the ONLY one to like me so it means a great deal to me.

[talaniman]

What is selfish is you thinking because she was special to you, that she should be so grateful that she takes you back. Wake up guy, her feelings were nothing like yours. YOU were not special to her, despite all the things you did, and wanted nothing in return. That's not completely true. You did it to show you cared, and to keep her.

Well that didn't work, because her feeling weren't the same. If she thought you were as special as you thought she was, you would still be together right, You aren't.

That's like running you best play 5 times, and it doesn't work on the team you are playing. You have to adjust. Its to late to fix things with her, game over.

Final point, you didn't know her very well, what if she was selfish? Regardless, she doesn't agree being together, and you cannot change or control how she feels, so you are full of false hope, and that keeps you stuck. Now get back to your life before her and try other options and see other opportunities. Let it go.

[Homegirl 50]

This young lady treated you poorly. You "dated" for two weeks then she dumped you. This is not the kind of girl you want to continue to pursue.
You got a bad apple. Throw it away. Choose your next one carefully, look it over before you take a big bite out of it.

[jzsprinter]

Comment on talaniman's post

Thanks for the input. I'm going to stay with this for as long as needed until things work out and my life can be good again.

Comment on Homegirl 50's post

Thanks for the metaphor, but I've never even had the chance to bite into any "apples" until her because she's the only one to like me, which gets a tremendous amount of respect from me.

[doctormau]

In my opinion, yours is a problem of low self-esteem. Ask yourself why you feel a need to cling to this relationship even if she doesn't feel the same way. You might have conveyed a sense of insecurity and "clinging" attitude which could have caused her to back off. Wanting her to be with you even though she doesn't feel the same way is SELFISH and POSSESSIVE and ultimately immoral. If it were true love, you'd be happy that she's happy even if it isn't with you. You cannot hang around thinking that things will work out because you have no control over her feelings. Someone once said that if you really love something, then let it go. If it comes back then its yours. If it never comes back, then it wasn't yours in the first place.

[talaniman]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Homegirl 50 again.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to doctormau again