[nymphetamine]

I've had it. I'm ready to send my 7 year old to boot camp or the freakin Jerry Springer show. She is always stealing things from me and everyone else and lying all the time. I do not trust her. I tried to give her a chance on the trust thing and she failed. She takes things from her class mates at school as well. I have to follow her into every room that she goes into including the bathroom because the minute my back is turned she is stealing something or teasing her little sister. I can't leave her alone in a room by herself for 1 second. Not even her own room as she tears the curtains down or damages the furniture. She enjoys being misbehaved too because she gets this smirk kind of "haha" look on her face when she gets caught. And before anyone starts jumping down my throat about parenting skills, I have done everything I know to do. Ive disciplined, Ive taken her to counseling, Ive taken parenting classes. Everything. She has faced consequences for her actions and still does not seem to have grasped cause and effect. I don't know what else to do.

[mouzer]

I would suggest contacting a bootcamp. But when I was little I would always have a smirk on my face, but I didn't think it was funny. But this case is serious. If 7 is too young for bootcamp, maybe try some kind of dicipline camp. This child need to shape up.

[MISSIBAYBE]

Have you taken her to see a therapist yet? That should be the first thing to do. She might just have something bottling up inside her that you don't know about. Or maybe she just has a problem like Wynona Ryder. Boot camp should be your last resort!

[nymphetamine]

Have you taken her to see a therapist yet? That should be the first thing to do. She might just have something bottling up inside her that you don't know about. Or maybe she just has a problem like Wynona Ryder. Boot camp should be your last resort!

I stated that I have taken her to counseling. It has not worked. The bad thing is the way she is acting is the exact way that her father acted when he was a child and when we were married so I wonder if that type of behavior isn't hereditary.

[Fr_Chuck]

Those new stun guns come to mind off the top of my head, but on a serious note Most boot camps are for older 12 plus age groups, but you may want to talk to juv case worker ( and I can't really believe I am saying this) they may have a recommendation on a "shock" therapy where they lock her down for a week or something in detention.

This is about my last resort idea, it sounds like you are doing everything else

[lostandnowfound]

Well look I am no angel... but I see one big clue to her possible behavior issues...
Your screen name nymphetamine... well being a parent... and understanding your screen name... is there any chance there was a time when you were not around maybe finding some personel time to do something..
Like I understand what your going thorugh... where do you think this behavior is coming from... children only know things the learn or see...

[JBKfuntimes]

Wasn't there a reality show on TV awhile back that talked about this? I believe that Fr. Chuck is spot on about being for older kids. Is there a background of mental illness in your family?

[J_9]

Our community has a program where children like this can do community service if the parent so desires. They start at around age 6 or 7, I believe. Projects like Habitat for Humanity, and stuff like that.

Whenever the kiddo acts up they have to do x amount of hours of community service.

[nymphetamine]

Wasn't there a reality show on TV awhile back that talked about this? I believe that Fr. Chuck is spot on about being for older kids. Is there a background of mental illness in your family?

Not in myside. no. As I mentioned she behaves exactly like her father did. He was always making promises to do better by us but it always turned out to be a lie. She does the same thing. He stole from everyone including his family and friends. She also does the same. See I had taken the children and left because their father left us for some other woman saying he was in love with her and they were going to get married and that she would be their new mom. Well some how his family found out where I was, attacked me and kidnapped the children. The police did not get there in time to stop them. I went looking for them and they had left the house they were living in and vanished so I had no idea at all where my children were for several months. The rest of the family acted as if they didn't know either. Before the kidnapping had take place I had filed for custody and divorce. Well when the court date came we all went into the court room and the judge who happened to be female gave my ex husband this sort of secretive" We know something they don't" sort of wink and fluttering her eye lashes making googly eyes at him. At first I thought I was just being paranoid, but other people spoke up and said they had noticed her winking at him and that something fishy was going on, but since she was a judge not much could have been done. So unsurprisingly he ended up with temporary custody. The judge claimed that it was because of the fact that they were in his possession at the time of the hearing. Well one day his girl friend's son was taken to the doctor by his grandma because he kept saying his private hurt him and the little boy had bruises on it. He told the doctor that my ex husband had hit him on his penis because he was bad. So then my children and their children were placed with social services. Social services did not even know about me till the little boy's grandma said something to them so they contacted me. I went through all this stuff to get my children back. I had to take a hair strand drug test, prove that I wasn't mentally unstable, have supervised visits with the social service so they could see how I handled the children and finally I ended up with final custody of my children. So my thought is she probably picked up a lot of bad behavior from her father while living with him. My family is trying to help me with improving her behavior. It just seems like she doesn't care. Counseling has already been tried, but she makes up so many lies and stories about things that happened or she changes the subject. There have been times where she has started to tell me things about her father and his girlfriend and then stopped and refused to continue and pretended like she was saying something else when I asked her about it. I thought that with her not being around him for nearly 2 years now would have taken that bad behavior away but I guess not.

[stunned1]

HI, I have done quite a lot of personal research into this type of childhood behavior, and whereas I do not know your daughter, by what you have described, I would say she has either Oppositional Defiance Disorder, or (less likely)Conduct disorder. PLEASE don't give up on seeking help and having her diagnosed - and try looking up these disorders and see what you think. Oh, and good luck. It's a hell of a thing to live with!!

[TUNKIESMOM]

I sound to me like she may have odd ar even be bipolar the things you say she dose sound a lot like my eight year old take her to you docter and tell them that you want her tested for these things because if that is the problem it will only get worse with out help :)

[chippers]

I don't think your daughter needs a boot camp. I don't think it's bad behavior issue but could be acting out of anger. From what you said about what you ex did to his girl friends child, as a nurse, I believe your daughter could be a victim as well. By her acting out and being defiant, she's angry and hurt and scared. Keep in mind, she was taken from her mother, hidden, living with an abusive father, then taken out of that place and placed in foster care then given back to you. She's unsure of what's to happen next with her. If you think about it, that's a lot for an adult to handle let a lone a child of 7.
The stealing could be a reaction to the trauma. Anxiety, guilt, and fear can cause anyone to do things such as steal as a way of self punishing. Trust me, she cares what she does. She's doing it on purpose to get caught.(she may think it was her fault she was taken from you)and we know that's not true.children often lie out of fear. Fear of getting punished or in her case being taken away again.
I think also you are reacting to the stress and in away you too are a victim. Having your children kidnapped, being attacked. Then having it happen all over again in the courts by not being granted custody. It's only natural to be affected by all that you've suffered. Kids are very intutitive, no matter how we try to protect them by hiding how we feel when we're said, they can zoom in on it. You're very angry at your ex for all he put you and your children through. Your little girl can sense that.
What I would do, instead of punishment, reprimanding her, or boot camp, I would hold her every chance I get and tell her I love her. Tell her you missed her and let her know how hard you tried to find her. Reassure her she's safe and that you're glad to have her back again. That mommies never stop loving their children. She'll start to feel better and so will you. Keep in mind, you don't know what your ex husband said to her and don't be upset if she's angry at you because of it.
I think councilling for you and her is a priority.plus she can find out if indeed your daughter was abused by your exhusband and help her get through it. You need to learn about becoming a family again. You've come so far and you are together again. I commend you for what you did to regain your children. It shows your devotion and your love.
I hope this helps.

[J_9]

Wow, I have to commend Chippers for such and excellent answer here.

Children tend to act out to get attention. They do not care if the attention is good or bad, just that someone is paying attention to them. They just want someone to NOTICE them. If she acts out, you notice it.

I also agree that you need family counseling. I believe she may be afraid that she is going to have to "go away" again.

Hold her, love her, but most of all, do not overreact when she acts out. I know it is hard, but if you ignore actions in a child this young, it is likely to go away as they are not getting the attention for the act that they are committing. Rather praise every good thing she does instead.

I know I will get some bad comments for this, but I have seen it work numerous times. If the child does not get a reaction to something they will do something else to get a reaction. If she gets reactions from you for doing good, but none for doing bad, she may just start acting out in a good way.

After all that she has been through though, it is my belief that she needs some intense counseling. Family counseling would benefit you all.

[Abuhar]

I agreed with two previous responses. However, I think, since you mentioned that counseling didn't help, you shouldn't seek for it again.
Instead, try to work on your own thoughts about your daughter. She needs your help, not your "watching" her. She is only 7! Doesn't she deserve any magnanimity and forgiveness? You are the one and only one significant person in her life who can make a difference: You begin to work on your own thoughts and beliefs about her. Think - she is a wonderful seven year old girl, who had a terrible life experience, who is so insecure and lost that she tries any chances to survive in this severe world around her. Is there any kind of sin she did that would make you think that she is a bad person after all she had? Stealing? No surprise, lying? What else could she learn after all? So, calm down and begin think of your own control of your life. Try to think of how to be or to look happy and not worried. How to look at your daughter with trusting eyes, how? That is what nobody can help you but you and your real love.
This topic is endless but to grasp idea you may read Parenting For Everyone book by S.Soloveychik. It tells about your parental faith and many other useful things. Find the book in the internet.

[talaniman]

If you really think about it your daughter is acting very normally for a child that has been through so much instability during a very important time in her life. Normally 2-5 is when children are learning about the world around them and stability in there environment is so important so they can know what is the correct way to act and express themselves and be nurtured and guided and most of all loved. She has had very little of this and obviously very little positive personal attention. Another part of the equation is you mom, let not discount what you have been through either. As chipper has so aptly put it you are very angry at not just your ex but the system and what they have put you and your daughter through. Your daughters anger is definitely yours also. Step back and regroup whenever you can because your daughter needs that calm close human touch of a mother she doesn't know and you both have to bond again to make up for a lot of lost time. She is so over whelmed and so are you. I know you may not want to hear about the counseling thing but a professional, a good one can guide you through the reconnection process with your daughter, you just have to find the right one, so don't give the idea up as there is no quick fix, and this will take years before you really feel that it will work. Darn I know that's a depressing thought, sorry but it can't be helped. Hang in there as even NORMAL kids are a handful, but just don't give up take small baby steps to get you there and start by hugging that little girl and talking softly as much as you can. She needs positive human contact really badly and often. She may be 7 but she is stuck at 2. Give the process another chance and be patient. Take care of yourself

[Abuhar]

A good counselor is a good idea, however, as you guys agree, it is difficult to find one. I wish a good luck to find the one, but it may take lots of time and wasted money for a woman, who can't judge who is the best. Maybe later, not now, after so much of disappointments. So I recommend the book, which is full of love to children and teaches parents to love. Parenting For Everyone is unique book. It doesn't remind any of other parenting "quick fix" books. And some self-help books with a positive affirmations. Or, philosophical counseling. Plato Not Prozac, by Lou Marinoff.

[chippers]

I agree with abuhar that the mom needs to establish a positive relationship with her child. Lord knows she needs to lknow she's loved and wanted. I do think that therapy will help in the long run as well. Considering what the child has been through, to not talk about it will only repress her fear, hurt,and her angry. Which could result in post traumatic stress. Which can occur in different degrees.

[nymphetamine]

Well look I am no angel....but I see one big clue to her possible behavior issues...
Your screen name nymphetamine....well being a parent...and understanding your screen name....is there any chance there was a time when you were not around maybe finding some personel time to do something ....?
Like I understand what your going thorugh....where do you think this behavior is coming from...children only know things the learn or see...

Um I sort of but don't understand your question? Correct me if I am wrong but are you trying to say that my screen name is where she learns her behavior Idk. You'll have to rephrase what you mean. If that is what you are saying. My daughter is completely unaware that I even have an account on this site. She doesn't even know what Nyphetamine is (which by the way is the name of a song) Her behavior is most certainly not coming from me. I was raised better than that.

[nymphetamine]

I'm trying the counseling thing again, but the thing is I can't afford a couselor that I have to drive her to all the time so Ive asked the counselors at school to speak with her again and explained the past situation to them and how she is behaving and they said they will help as best they can. They are offering me some parenting classes. I know I took parenting classes when I was in school but maybe I could stand to learn some more. Maybe it will help me learn to deal with her better. Idk. I'll keep you posted.

[talaniman]

I think this is good step in the right direction. Yes counseling is an expensive deal. But hang in there and keep us updated.