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questions3110 · Dec 23, 2010, 08:56 AM

Ive been dating this guy for 9 months and he has a three month old boy with someone else. I got into the relationship not knowing he was expecting a child but within 3 or 4 months together I found out about it and stayed. Right now I would say I really dislike my situation. He's always going over to her house to be with his son, I can't come over when she is at his place because of baby momma drama, and I'm completely being isolated when his son is in the picture. When his son or baby momma aren't in the picture everything is great between us but as soon as she calls or something happens he completely puts me to the side. I hate being in this situation but it's like I don't want to leave him :( I'm 23 and really really confused.

justcurious55 · Dec 23, 2010, 09:18 AM

Sounds like he's being a good father. So it's hard to criticize him on that part, but it was pretty crumby for him to not tell you right away before things got serious.
Does he plan to always keep you and his son separate? Does he plan to let you get to know him once he's older and has his son around without the mother around?
I wouldn't recommend trying to come between father and son. And that's what father's do-they're there for their kids, and when they're that tiny and dependent on their parents he should be there the second the baby needs something. You have to decide if he's worth sorting things out with or not.

questions3110 · Dec 23, 2010, 09:42 AM

No he's always telling me that he wants me to be apart of his sons life... it's just hard for me not to come first in someone's life I guess... thanks for the advice though, I need to keep in mind that he is a father.

talaniman · Dec 23, 2010, 11:06 AM

Well if you don't want to leave, then you have to accept he is a package deal, with a lot of baggage. It most likely will be years before he unpacks everything, and you may never be the first priority.

questions3110 · Jan 24, 2011, 05:09 PM

Ok so I am a 24 year old woman wanting to have a baby, the only problem is that I am not married nor in a relationship with a man at this time. I do know that me and my ex boyfriend have been speaking about having a child together but I don't know if this is the right move for me. My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 3 years ago, he has been seeing other people and so have I. As of right now neither of us is remotely thinking of getting back together but we have been thinking about having a child together. I am really confused at this point I feel as if time is against me and I want to enjoy my children at a young age but also don't want to make a mistake a will later regret.

I am looking for some advice.

questions3110 · Jan 24, 2011, 05:28 PM

Threads merged

I have been dating my boyfriend for 10 months now and I really think I have found the one. Our relationship just like any other does have some problems, he is constantly getting upset and treating me bad. By that I mean he gets upset and the dumbest things and starts getting really rude with me. This really hurts my feelings and sometimes I even cry cause I feel like I love this man so much but yet he treats me like dirt at times?? He always calls me too semsitive but still the way he acts really really bothers me. I have spoken to him several times about this but he makes it seems like he is just playing with me and I need to stop being so sensitive. At the end of the day I just want to be happy but I am tired of him walking all over me. His words are really taking a toll on me.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried to speak to him several times about this.

smoothy · Jan 24, 2011, 05:39 PM

So... you want some poor guy to father and be forced to support a vanity child (via child support order)?

About time is against you? You are 24... you have a lot of years yet... like 16 before you really have to worry about it being too late.

Wait until you find the right guy you will marry, not the first idiot that wants to ride the pony bareback... Its better for you and the future child. Because they ARE going to eventually find out. And rasing a kid is a HUGE job... ask any parent.

Cat1864 · Jan 24, 2011, 05:44 PM

What about the man you call your boyfriend who you have been dating for 10 months? The one who has a young baby? At 24 years of age, you have plenty of time to think about having a baby. Please do not rush into anything.

But the relationship doesn't exist when you talk about wanting to have a child?

acciosnivellus · Jan 24, 2011, 05:58 PM

I don't think you've found "the one" if you are constantly being emotionally abused. You've done your part by being open and bringing this to his attention, and if all he can say is that you're "too sensitive", then I think it's time to rethink this relationship. You should NEVER have to "suck it up" and accept such behavior. You're better than that! He is not trying to fix anything. You can't save this relationship by yourself, and you're right, his behavior will take more and more of a toll on you. No one deserves to go though such emotional exhaustion. 10 months is a relatively young relationship, and unfortunately these issues only get worse as time goes on, especially when only one partner is trying to resolve the issues. It may be wiser to end this while you still have your sanity and self worth in check. Good luck!

Curlyben · Jan 25, 2011, 02:40 AM

>threads merged<

talaniman · Jan 25, 2011, 05:35 AM

I just don't get it! You are in a bad relationship, want a baby, but think your ex would be a good candidate. What is this a welfare scam or something??

Why don't you get your life on track young lady, and wait for a good father, for your child. After you leave the guy your with that is. And leave the ex alone.

answerme_tender · Jan 25, 2011, 08:17 AM

Don't you thing its time to either s**t or get off the pot with this relationship!! He is going to be emotionally contected with this woman and his child, especially since his child is so young. He will always have a relationship with this child, if he is a good father.

If he is not including you enough, you may want to take a step back and really look at your relationship. Is this what you want, do you want more and he just isn't able to give that more, will he ever give more?

You are NOT married to this man and you want more in a relationship, why not just call it quits!!

Stop being the third wheel so to speak and get out and find a man who isn't involved with other commitments in his life.

Take care