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Tanya24 · Dec 20, 2010, 08:58 PM

I 5 weeks pregnant, recently married in aug 2010 and my husband is so uninterested. We have not had sex since I told him I was pregnant. Anytime I talk about how I'm feeling he just ignores me. No feedback. He has a 14 year old son but this is our first child together. I just feel like every thing is all wrong and he may not want the baby. I don't want through this my whole pregnancy. Since he keeps dismissing me I will eventually begin to shut him out as well. Once I get into that mode it is hard for me to get out. I am in my room typing this while he is in the living room watching the game. I went on a site calculate the due date and conception date. I was excited and wanted to show him... His response was I don't remember us having sex that day... Wow, so is he trying to insinuate that I was with someone else. That pissed me off and I told him that he was unsupportive came in my room and begin to cry. He is very insensitive and I don't think we are going to make it. He is never there for me emotionally when I need him and I'm done... Now I'm depressed and he will think I am crazy if I go in there crying trying to talk to him and I don't want anybody to know because every thinks he is so great and the nicest person ever! But when it comes to me I get to experience the insensitive, distant *******. What should I do??

Leolie · Dec 21, 2010, 12:16 AM

Dump him.

You said that he already has another child?. was it from another marriage? Or just someone else, before you met him?.

Sigh, men...

But don't stress yourself my dear, that really bad for your pregnancy : )
If someone is consistently ignoring you and shutting you out of their lives, then I think you should do the same, you only live once yah know.

ronnSmith · Dec 21, 2010, 04:54 AM

No need to be depressed just sit next to him and tell to him what's wrong?where is the problem can't you understand my fealings for you or the love that I have for this unborn baby for our baby... maybe he is confused just try to have a conversation with him,I think he going to understand you and it's not shame if you cry befort him,and when you crye he will not think you are crazy just talk to him...

joypulv · Dec 21, 2010, 05:41 AM

I get so frustrated over the vast numbers of men and women who have sex, married or not, without ever even discussing the consequences! Did YOU two?
Never mind, it's done, and I just had to say it. Now you need to know what to do next.

Men are just so DIFFERENT. He may very well be worried about financial responsibility and the work involved in raising a child already, and he won't face it. He'd rather just avoid the subject while it stews in the back of his brain.

Sometime when a game has just ended sit next to him on the couch and quietly ask him if he is worried about having another child. Give him the chance to speak. Don't try to pep talk the joys for YOU of having this baby. Don't talk about lack of snuggling and sex and affection yet. Something about your pregnancy is bothering him, and you need to find out what it is. Did you have a job you quit for this, or were there plans for a different life somewhere or a career change for him that this is affecting?

Cat1864 · Dec 21, 2010, 07:04 AM

Tanya, I think some more background might help. How old are both of you? Why did you marry him? Love? Arranged? Both? How was your relationship before you married him? How long have you known you are pregnant? Has the pregnancy been confirmed by a doctor? Was the pregnancy 'planned' or an 'accident'?

Five weeks is very early in the pregnancy. It may not seem like a reality to him, yet. If his ex had problems with pregnancy before having a successful pregnancy, he may be worried about 'celebrating' too soon. He may not be as 'baby oriented' as you are right now. He doesn't have hormones flooding his system affecting his thoughts and feelings about the pregnancy. If you are (as it seems to him) talking about nothing but having a baby, he may be getting overwhelmed by your feelings while trying to deal with his own. Some men don't really get into the pregnancy until they hear the heartbeat, see the ultrasound, or feel the baby kick.

You do need to talk with him, but be careful about timing. During a game or when he is trying to do something wouldn't be the best time. Remember that you are going to be overly sensitive and crying at nearly anything (hormones really do affect your moods and thoughts). If you feel like you can't say what you need to without falling apart, write it down and let him read it. Be careful that you aren't already shutting him out because he isn't reacting the way you think he should. Don't dismiss his attempts at communication because he isn't discussing what you want.

Try to find some balance between other parts of your life and having the baby. It will help you be stronger mentally, emotionally and physically.

talaniman · Dec 21, 2010, 07:21 AM

Relax and calm down, this sounds like your first, and you are excited. A female to talk to can help you both bridge the gap between high emotions, and perceived indifference. I suspect you are emotional any way, and that's okay, and I doubt your whole pregnancy will be this way, not if you have a mom in your life, and a good friend who can clue your husband in as to how his innocent remarks are taken by you.

Come on, no guy remembers the date he had sex, and got you pregnant, especially during a game, and especially after having been through this before. I think he will come around, and be there for you if you give him half a chance. Its only been 5 weeks, and you have a long way to go, and it will be okay.

CJmindful · Dec 30, 2010, 10:55 AM

I am also lonely and pregnant. Difference is I have a very loving husband. He has an active life of hobbies and friends which made me love him more. Only now I resent it because it seems I need a bit more of his time and attention. Truth is we never know how each other will react until we're in that position. Our lives are constantly changing and I think that women have no choice but to adapt. Men don't need to. They sow wild oats, distract themselves from how they can be truly helpful and loving. I don't blame my husband for it. It doesn't change how much I love him, but my emotions do get the better of me and it hurts. I only have control over the way I make myself feel and that is what I am focusing on. I suspect he is also suppressing some doubt and confusion about being a good father. So I won't push too hard. It is an adjustment for both of us. Just breathe... and know you are NOT alone my sweet.