[Zuzannah]

Hi, I'm not really expecting some super-professional answer, but since my friends don't answer their phones I decided to write what I feel here.
Today I had a regular argument with my parents. We yelled at each other and all but it was not really such a big deal. We do this a lot. And usually after a day or two everything goes normal. My father behaves like always and I am sure he won't be angry at all by the dinner tomorrow, but my mother is different. The argument was really complicated, but it's enough for you to know that we argue about it every year. They make me do some christmas stuff I really don't like and every time promise me it's the last time. We argue, but then I do it so they're not angry. Today it was the same, however, when I reminded them they promised me I wouldn't have to do this anymore my mother yelled at me that as their child I am obligated to do everything they ORDER me (her words). Then she forbid me to do everything I planned for this week, such as making cookies (NOT in "her" kitchen - she said) or meeting my friends tomorrow. She sent me back to my room, saying I'm not permitted to come down for the dinner. I was furious, but agreeded peacefully. 10 minutes later she stormed into my room and told I have no feelings, I am the most awful person she have ever met. She said she hated me and would like me to disappear from her life in any way - die or just leave and never come back, but it would be the best if I just was never born. She wanted to hit me but held back.
Me and my mom argue a lot. She was always a bit cold to me. When I was little I always imagined how upset she would be if I ran away. Usually she's the one saying the most awful things (when she starts she can't stop), but she NEVER said something like that and not in such way. It was different than any speech I ever got from her. It just sounded so serious. Like she really meant it.
I don't really know what should I do. I'm not a horrible child. I have great grades, I read a lot, I am considered smart, I am not indifferent, as my mother said, in fact, I am easily hurt, I care about others, I work hard. In my country as 17 year old I can't get a job or leave by myself anywhere. I have no money. I know it's ridiculous, making plans about escaping or something, but I seriously don't know what to do.
Phew, I feel better now, but still hope anyone would answer me. How should I act?
Greetings,
Susannah

[joypulv]

Much of the world just assumes that a mother's love is so instinctual that it's a given, she will sacrifice for her child and endure any pain.
Of course it's not true. Mothers who don't love have their own problems and may have not been loved and it gets carried down the generations until someone stops it.
Parents can order their children around until they leave home and are self-sufficient, but they can't tell you how to think.
When you are alone in your room, plan your future. It will help you get through this.
I too was a good student and didn't get along with my mother, who controlled every tiny aspect of my life and wasn't happy with anything I did, no matter how good. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't use my grades as a bargaining chip, but it didn't occur to my teenage brain. (Keep yelling and I will flunk my exam tomorrow.. ) I also wonder why I didn't plan for an escape as soon as high school was over, by saving odd job money and moving away and getting a job and sharing a cheap apartment. Instead I went to college where my mother expected me to go, and was miserable, and dropped out later. Big waste.

Try to plan a future of self sufficiency is all I can say. Steer clear of arguments if you possibly can, and continue to study and do well in school - your ticket out.

[Wondergirl]

Sounds like your mom kind of over-reacted!

May I ask what country are you in, and when will you be allowed to get a job and/or move out?

What should you do, you ask? Continue on as you have been -- be nice and sweet and obedient.

[redhed35]

Sounds to me like a very one sided row,are you always so nice in the row?

That aside,your mother may have a lot going on in her life that you don't know about,my advice is to talk to your dad let him know how your feeling and perhaps he can calm the emotional waters by speaking to your mother.

Christmas can be a really hard time of year for some people due to the current economy,or mssing loved ones or they just find the whole thing so stressful.

I understand that words hurt and can have a lasting effect.

Perhaps she lashed out at you because you were in her sights at that time,its cold comfort to you I know.

This time instead of just letting things go back to normal, when your mother is calm,say your sorry (even if you did nothing!) and say to her 'how can I help', hopefully this will open up the conversation and you both can talk about how your both feeling.

[Leolie]

Sometimes, talking about what the problem is usually solves it. But if your mother is really hard headed then, a little bit more patience...

There's a saying that, a child can ignore their parents, but a parent can never ignore their children... I think you guys should cool your heads, emotions can make a conversation a bit colorful, but it can also make it muddy.. you guys need a bit of clarity right now..

And running off on your own does not solve anything!! We may think we can survive on our own, but the truth is that no man is an island :)