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agnes15737 · Dec 14, 2010, 09:59 AM

Hello.last week my friend came over to watch the bears game and we all had too much to drink... my friend wanted to had a threesome with me and my husband,so we all say yes to that,but deep in my heart I knew that was a bad idea,very bad,everything was fine we had a great time but... I went to the bethroom and all I can hear was moaning and kissing,so I ran to see what is going on and I saw them kissing... my heart is broken because I do want to forgive but I don't know how and if I really shoud forgive them?please help

Alty · Dec 14, 2010, 10:05 AM

You agreed to a threesome, did you set out boundaries, discuss what limits there were?

If you didn't specifically make it clear that there was to be no kissing, than there's no reason to be mad, which means there's nothing to forgive. If you did specifically state to both of them that you weren't okay with them kissing, than you talk to them both and let them know that it wasn't okay.

Threesomes can be fun if all parties agree, but you should always discuss beforehand what the guidelines are, what lines can't be crossed. If you don't, than anything goes, and sometimes that means that someone's feelings will get hurt.

redhed35 · Dec 14, 2010, 10:17 AM

Your instincts told you this was not a good idea,next time listen to that gut feeling.

As altenweg has stated if there was no discussion on what the bounderies were going to be there's little you can say in the way of feeling betrayed,BUT, as this is your husband you get to pull rank and say how your feeling,regardless of boundries set or not set.

You feel crap about the kiss,your hurt,and would I be right to say you feel a little betrayed?

There's only one thing for it,talk to your husband,he's the only one that can reassure you.

The fallout of the threesome may be a problem, in that if he wishes to do it again and you don't,but if you do,talk about the rules and boundries before hand.

Enigma1999 · Dec 14, 2010, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by agnes15737

hello.last week my friend came over to watch the bears game and we all had to much to drink...my friend wanted to had a threesome with me and my husband,so we all say yes to that,but deep in my heart i knew that was a bad idea,very bad,everything was fine we had a great time but....i went to the bethroom and all i can hear was moaning and kissing,so i ran to see what is going on and i saw them kissing....my heart is broken because i do want to forgive but i dont know how and if i really shoud forgive them?please help

Then why did you agree to a threesome?

There's a fine line there. Yes, you guys had a little too much to drink which OBVIOUSLY impaired your judgment.

The point is, is that you shared lover with another. With all due respect, what did you think was going to happen right after the moment? That you would say "That was fun, I'm famished, lets go eat."

I'm not opposed to threesomes, I just think that it is something that needs to be discussed by all included. There are consequences, in some cases, such as yours.

agnes15737 · Dec 14, 2010, 11:16 AM

Before we jump in bed my husband and my BF sad that this threesome will be all abuot me till I caught them kissing,it this change anything?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 14, 2010, 11:21 AM

Sorry a threesome involves everyone, and there was not set rules, while the entire idea is wrong in my opinion, if agreed to without specific rules, they were free to start and you were to join.

Why do almost all these stories start with, "we were drinking"

Enigma1999 · Dec 14, 2010, 11:25 AM

Agnes,

Please don't use the comment features to answer questions. Please scroll down to the end of the page and post your answer in the answer box.

Also, please use full sentences. This will make it easier to read and understand.

Ok, so I really believe that it is your Husband that you need to be discussing this with. Since this happened last week, how is your Husband been acting?

joypulv · Dec 14, 2010, 11:26 AM

You were drunk enough to agree but not drunk enough to follow through?
You get no special treatment for this.
Get over it. This is what drinking does; it doesn't indicate some deep down desire on your husband's part, and he wasn't even the one who suggested it.

agnes15737 · Dec 14, 2010, 11:29 AM

OK that happened last Sunday and before jumping in bed my husband and BF sad that this threesome will be all about me and then I caught them kissing

agnes15737 · Dec 14, 2010, 11:31 AM

We had a hudge finght,he sad that he is sorry and this kiss wasn't mean nothing to him but then he change his mind and sad that they were keeping the mood going while I was in the bethroom

agnes15737 · Dec 14, 2010, 11:34 AM

OK the point is that before we agreed to had a threesome they sad that this will be all about me and then while I was in the bethroom I caught them kissing and I sad to them wait for me!!

Enigma1999 · Dec 14, 2010, 11:34 AM

There you have it then...

If that is his answer, then that is his answer. Either, forgive and forget, or keep dwelling on it.

The choice is yours.

Keep in mind, that this wasn't your Husbands idea, and YOU did agree to this.

Alty · Dec 14, 2010, 11:48 AM

OK the point is that before we agreed to had a threesome they sad that this will be all about me and then while I was in the bethroom I caught them kissing and I sad to them wait for me!!

You still didn't set down any rules.

I have to ask. What happened after you came out of the bathroom? Did it end then and there? Did you put a stop to it? When they crossed this invisible line that neither one of them was aware of, did you tell them that you were upset right away and put an end to the threesome, or did the threesome continue?

Every game needs rules. When you play the game of a threesome, you need rules. Without rules people get hurt. You didn't have rules, and now you're hurt. It's too late to go back and make rules, the damage is done. Whose fault is it that there were no set rules? All of you. You're just as much to blame as they are because you didn't make it clear what you were comfortable with, and what was taboo.

Drunken choices usually end up in disaster, but you cannot be upset about something you agreed to, and you cannot be upset because they couldn't read your mind and realize that kissing wasn't okay with you.

20/20 hindsight.

agnes15737 · Dec 14, 2010, 11:53 AM

OK yes we didn't set any rules,but before I went to the bethroom I sad to them WAIT FOR ME,I caught them kissing when I wolked in and the game was over,I know I messed up because there was no rules but come on they should wait for me

Enigma1999 · Dec 14, 2010, 12:00 PM

Okay, so there was no actual threesome then?

Just the warm up?

Well, then now you know for next time around that perhaps you shouldn't engage in threesomes.

If, by chance you do, then lik everyone has said on here, SET GUIDELINES.

My advice to you is to just let it go. There were no rules set, therefore, you can't be upset for what was never put into play.

agnes15737 · Dec 14, 2010, 12:10 PM

No!! we had a threesome!! just I can't get over it that he was making out with her when I told them to wait for me!! and I don't know if I can forget that easy,

Enigma1999 · Dec 14, 2010, 12:30 PM

Regardless, it's done, over, fanito.

Do you want to let this go, or dwell on it?

Alty · Dec 14, 2010, 03:55 PM

You said there was a threesome, but when you walked in on them kissing the game was over.

I don't understand. Had you already had the threesome when you went to the bathroom? Was it all done at that time? If so, what were they waiting for?

agnes15737 · Dec 14, 2010, 04:40 PM

We were in the middle of threesome and I told them wait for me because I need to use the bethroom and when I came back they were making out with out me,and that's y I sad game over and told my friend to leave my house.

Alty · Dec 14, 2010, 05:53 PM

Here's the bottom line. You agreed to this threesome, you didn't set down rules, and you have no reason to be mad at anyone, other than yourself.

It's harsh, but true. If you play with fire you get burned. Next time you'll stay away from the fire if you can't stand the heat.