[guitarteacher18]

Me and my girlfriend have been going through a rough patch in our relationship and its kind of all because of me
I'm always assuming she is being emotionally distant and neglegent of me and it scares me to the point where I lash out at her, and get angry, and when I'm angry I say creul hurtfull things that I don't mean
I'm trying to stop but its hard and I'm not sure what it is that's making me do this or feeling this way
I feel insecure and its causing this anger
My girlfriends mom is a doctor of some kind and I have adhd, and my dad knows a lot about adhd because, you know he kind of has too if he has a son who has to grow up with it, so after I got in a huge figght with my girlfriend he drove her home and told her that my adhd is causing me to lash out, and she asked her mom about it and her mom said some people with adhd can be emotionally unstable
I know most people steriotype kids with adhd see them as a jittery person who can't pay attention but I understand there's more to it
I need help, there's somethig wrong with me and its keeping me from giving my girlfriend the love she deserves
I need to know what it is I can do to stop getting angry, to stop the fights and insecure thoughts
I need to know if it really is adhd that's causing this

[answerme_tender]

Guitarteacher,

If your father also has ADHD have you asked him for more assistance in helping you. Can he help you get to Doctor who can explain the different ups and downs to having ADHD. Different reactions that you need to be aware of and most importantly what you can do to overcome the emotional insecurities you are having. Different things you can do to overcome being emotionally and verbally abusive to others. Is there different treatments? Im sure your father wants you to have all information you need to have a happy and productive life. But you may have to take first step and ask him calmly.

In mean time, don't you think it maybe time to be single until you do find out ways to handle your outburst. Explain to her that you want to improve yourself, not just for her but for yourself. Learning how we tick inside is always hard, but its worth it. Good luck

[guitarteacher18]

Hi
Thanks for your help
But my dad doesn't have adhd, he knows a lot about it because when I was diagnosed we went to a lot of psychiatrists and psychologists to help me cope with school
But I need to know otherthan academics, can my adhd effect my relationships
I kind of have a theory: the lack of attention(I mean it lightly, she gives me attention but when I say attention I meen stimulating attention) I get is a lack of stimulus, and that could cause my feelings of being neglectd
And I had a feeling someone would sugest me breaking up with her, but I really don't want to, I personally think it wouldn't help, and I do love her a lot, I just need to know if there is a possibility it is my adhd causing me to do this
And if so what techniques I could use to stop it, I am taking medication and it does keep us from getting in fights, it seems every time I don't we get in a fight caused by the aformentioned feelings of neglect, and the only time we ever fought while I was on my meds was yesterday

[answerme_tender]

My youngest brother does have ADHD. I totally agree with the lack of stimulation causes him to get "the moves". That is what our family referred to his inablity to sit still. We have notice through out the years that even when he got older he that he still needed to stay away from certain foods, and especially any ALCOHOL!!

Unfortuantely he always assumed that alcohol would calm him down, and all it did was limit his ability to reason in a calm matter. He is still feels that he has to be center of attention, rather is it be being loud, funny,or being the dictator of his wife and kids.

If staying on the medication keeps you calm and gives you the ablity to reason with yourself that you don't need her attention at all times, then stay on it and don't forget to take the pill. My brother never has kept up with his medication since he has been adult, but that could be why he is a 40 something alcoholic, married 3 times, has felony arrest for domestic abuse, has children who bascially won't be around him because he is just a plain sick. He would never listen to any of doctors on what could help him, because he always knew more.

Good luck

[Wondergirl]

Are you in a regular program of counseling, say, once a week?

[guitarteacher18]

Do you meen meeting with a psychologist, no, I used to be, but they fealt I didn't need anymore counsiling
It would be a good idea to go back, also considering I start college soon

[guitarteacher18]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother, and I'm so afraid of that
I would never willingly hurt my girlfriend or anyone I love, just thinking about it makes me feel depressed
So does it sound like adhd could be the cause of my emotional problem?

[Wondergirl]

It doesn't have to be a psychologist. It can be someone like me with a master's in counseling (or social work), but it definitely should be someone dedicated to helping you find out who you are.

I firmly believe your problems with your girlfriend have more to do with how you feel about yourself (beyond the ADHD, if that is even a true diagnosis) than the mechanics of how the two of you relate to each other. It's much too easy to label and say, "Oh, that's because of my ADHD [or my Asperger's or my nail-biting habit]."

Yes, giving counseling another chance.

[guitarteacher18]

I understand wondergirl, but I don't say it is, or I try my hardest not to, its based off what my dad says, and my girlfriend
Yes my adhd is a true diagnosis, and I'm aware there's a lot of kids who say they have it, take the medications but don't really legitamatly have adhd, but I do, when I was in 4th grade I had to take a series of tests and see school counslers and psychiatrists, when I was a freshman I went to a psychologist and took a series of tests along with surveys and rorschak tests(sorry if I spelt that wrong) I was diagnsed with adhd, and some kind of clinical depression dealing with stress and frustraition which I'm sure they said came hand in hand with my condition
I don't like using adhd as an excuse, I really don't, I remember when I had to tell a teacher about an 504 plan, or iep or whatever its called I almost broke down in tears because I really didn't want to be viewed as different or stupid, but I know now that's ridiculous
I am open to the possibility that my problem my not be due to adhd, it can be because of how I see myself
But it could be both maybe, I'm not sure
But, maybe you could tell me, since you have a masters in counsiling, what techniques could I use to keep myslef from thinking insecure thoughts on how my girlfriend interacts with me, how I can keep from getting angry
Because I think maybe I'm getting angry and frustraited due to lack of stimulation, and staying that way do to the stimulation it causes me, maybe
I'm not sure, that's why I'm asking for help

[Wondergirl]

I can't just cough up a list of do's and don'ts for you. Each person is different, and I don't know you.

Here's a web site that might help (scroll down for coping tips) --

Handling Insecurity | LIVESTRONG.COM

[talaniman]

Self diagnosis is a fools game, and you need to stop, and get a proper diagnosis from trained, qualified clinician, and let him tell you what needs to be done.

[Wondergirl]

Self diagnosis is a fools game, and you need to stop, and get a proper diagnosis from trained, qualified clinician, and let him tell you what needs to be done.

He says he has --

my adhd is a true diagnosis, and I'm aware theres alot of kids who say they have it, take the medications but dont really legitamatly have adhd, but i do, when i was in 4th grade I had to take a series of tests and see school counslers and psychiatrists, when i was a freshman I went to a psychologist and took a series of tests along with surveys and rorschak tests(sorry if i spelt that wrong) i was diagnsed with adhd, and some kinda clinical depression dealing with stress and frustraition which im sure they said came hand in hand with my condition

[answerme_tender]

I would seriously listen to Wondergirls Advice!!

[Alty]

My son has ADHD, and it is a constant struggle. He used to be on medication, but now we control his ADHD at home, without meds. It's not easy, but it is possible. Of course each person is different, and you do say that you are better when you're on meds, so I wouldn't recommend going off them.

What types of foods do you eat? A lot of people with ADHD do better when on natural foods, no sugars, no dyes, etc. etc. Natural foods are fruits, vegetables, homemade. Know what you're putting into your body. No canned goods, no frozen dinners. It's a major lifestyle change, but we found that it's helped a lot with our son.

When he does have a bad day we have found that sitting in a dimly lit room for a half hour can help. Limit the stimulation, breath, and remain calm. Or we will give him something like a puzzle, something that he has to concentrate on.

You really do need to speak with a professional about this. I'm giving you a few things we do, but our techniques don't work for everyone. It took a long time to figure out what works with my son, and it was trial and error. A professional is much better suited to deal with you and your particular needs.

You also said you suffer from clinical depression. I would guess that your emotional outbursts may stem more from that diagnosis then the ADHD. But it's just a guess.

Good luck.

[answerme_tender]

I called a good friend of mine, and spoke to him about this situation. He is from South Africa, and has ADHD. His major is Computers, minor in Mathematics. His father expected all his children to go to college period. He was laughing because when his father was told that he had ADHD, was told that would need to be put on medication. His father said Nope, but I guarantee I will figure out ways to make him unwind. He said that every morning, there were list of math problems that he was expected to do before school and then when he got home there would be a new list and a lot longer. He said that he was so advance in math due to these problems, his dad never showed him how to do them, just gave the instuctions with problems, if he didn't get them done then he knew there will be certain chores that he would have to do instead, and since he hated having to do those EXTREME chores he would always figure out how to do those problems.

He received his education in England, and when he graduated he finally asked his father how would he of known if the answers were correct on all those problems. He said that his father said " It doesnt matter, you learned how to teach yourself, but most importantly do to all those problems you would calm down and it wore you out enough to sleep without medication."

Just thought I would share that with you, He said still has to do certain activity to stay calm, and will starting on computer issues, or different task around the house to keep him busy and to tire him out. He is married and his wife has learned that there are certain foods he cannot eat, He only drinks water or soy milk period.

[ashey23ole]

Speaking from my own experience with ADHD and relationships. Your anger and insecurity isn't caused BY your supposed ADHD, but those with ADHD also tend to be more likely to possess anxiety, depression, and conduct problems (aggression)...

What you need to ask yourself is if this insecurity and anger you possess is caused by your relationship with her...

How was your self-esteem before this? How are your relations with your parents?

[guitarteacher18]

Wow, sorry that I haven't been replying, its been a busy week
I really apreciate all the help, there's so much that I'm not sure on who's advice I could reply to, I guess I'll try and reply to them all at once
My diet, its not to good, but not terrable, I do drink a lot of water, but I also eat a lot of junk, and drink sugary drinks, but the sugary drinks, espessually ones with caffeen have a tendency to cheer me up or wake me up because my meds make me kind of drowsy in the middle of the day
As far as diet and eating goes, I don't eat too often, its only at lunch and dinner, and sometimes breakfast is when I eat, and its normally not a lot, but it is usually junk because I'm almost never home after school, so my meals consist of bassicly water for breakfast, nasty school food for lunch, and something fast for dinner
Not good I know
Myself asteem has allways been kind of low, not real bad, but I was diagnosed at an early age so I don't remember a time when I wanst bummed out because of a learning difficulty, I showed signs first in second grade, my mom's korean so she was verry frustrated at me when I was little because I couldn't concentrate on learning for school, like reading or math, I didn't learn to read until second grade, I don't know if that's not normal but I remember kids in my first grade class reading all the time
As far as what I do to calm myself, I either sulk in my room in complete darkness and usually play music(thrash or punk) Play some kind of video game, or read
I'm not sure if I touched bases on all the answeres, I really apreciate the help