[AmExp]

My boyfriend and I are in a SERIOUS and committed relationship. We love each other very much and no one forces the other to do anything they don't want to. No means NO for both of us. I am not a bisexual, but lately I have been very attracted to a close friend of mine. I have always saw her as a closet freak simply because she has an "southern belle image" to up hold. Whatever. Anyway, I spoke with my boyfriend and he is down. So we decided that I should approach her about what we would like to do BEFORE she comes over for dinner tonight. That way it doesn't feel like we trapped her, took advantage of the situation, etc. She is the type that likes for people to tell her how pretty and successful she is (even if the success if pretend). She likes a "yes man". I finally broke down and sent her a long message to both of her smartphones so I KNOW she got it (it may be jumbled up, but it's there).

I told her that as her friend I want her to be as happy as I am in my relationship and someone like her deserves a man and a friend that will support her and let her be the woman and in charge. She needs a man that is strong enough to support her ( my boyfriend would be that man, plus he is strong) I want her to experience what I have and as a friend it is my gift to provide her with the passion and love as I have received in my current relationship.

HERE IS THE KEY: I ended with: It seems as though you have been looking for what I already have for so long and I want to share it with you.

She never responded and this morning I made a follow up text to make sure we were still on for the evening and she said yes and just that she can only stay for a couple of hours. There was no "what the hell was that" or "I don't think I can make it tonight" anything.

IS SHE DOWN??????????????????? Did it go over her head?

HELP!

[talaniman]

Why did you not just say "Are you up for a threesome with me and my boyfriend?", instead of tip toeing around the block with slick Gobble-De Goop??

[AmExp]

How is that tip-toeing around? I thought I was to the point!

[Cat1864]

I think you need to read what you sent as though you received it. It sounds like you are offering her your boyfriend instead of propositioning her for yourself. Nowhere in that do you come right out and say join us, me and my boyfriend, for sex.

She may think you were drunk and is letting this go as an aberration on your part.

Are you making assumptions about her character because you want her to be a 'closet freak' or do you really think she would be up to being a playmate for a night for you and your boyfriend?

I actually think it is a bit tacky that you texted the 'offer' instead of getting together with her and discussing the idea. Think about what you are actually expecting her to be a part of. Are you certain that you really know what you expect?

[jmjoseph]

Be careful of what you ask for.

Have you considered the possibility that your boyfriend may become TOO attached?

[ITstudent2006]

Have you thought about how this whole ordeal might turn out? Not only could you lose your best friend, but you could lose your boyfriend.

I just encourage you to think this through before making an irrational decision. Just because you feel attraction toward your best friend doesn't mean you need to act on it. Have you thought about why you feel attraction? Maybe figuring this out would be better!

I am not saying threesomes are bad. (to each their own) but the consequences of this could be dramatic!

I wish you the best of luck!

[Synnen]

You need to discuss this for longer than "before dinner" or "over dinner".

Seriously.

I doubt that you have even discussed all aspects of this with your boyfriend, much less with your best friend.

The other part of this is that she's not an "extra" in this. SHE gets to have a say in what's okay, what isn't, and what HER expectations are. You need to discuss this as a GROUP--and I suggest a continuing discussion over the course of a MONTH, not an evening.

Go to websites that deal with polyamory and look at the questions you need to ask yourselves and each other.

Threesomes destroy relationships if there is not absolute trust, absolute communication, and VERY CLEAR expectations of what is going on.

To me, as well, your proposition sounds like you want to share your boyfriend with her (as if your boyfriend would have two EQUAL girlfriends) rather than have a threesome fling with her.

There's also the idea that she doesn't want to respond via text to you (that's so tacky it isn't even funny), or that she's going to ignore it and hope it never comes up again.

Either way, don't expect a threesome that will work out for everyone today or tomorrow--that's waaaaaaay too high an expectation.

I really think you need to do some research on how successful threesomes work.

[QLP]

If I received that text I would be trying to work out if you were setting me up on a blind date or were blind drunk.

Seriously, if you can't be totally up-front about discussing everything, you're turning what is already a risky prospect into downright trouble.

Please think long and hard about this and don't even dream of going ahead unless all parties know exactly what to expect, what the boundaries are, and are totally comfortable with all aspects.

Some people make threesomes work, a lot more people bite off more than they can chew and regret it. You all need to be really sure about this before going there.

[Enigma1999]

To me, as well, your proposition sounds like you want to share your boyfriend with her (as if your boyfriend would have two EQUAL girlfriends)

I agree with this 100%. Reading OP's story, this is what I got from it.

To the OP, I think that you may be playing with fire here...

It's not like all three of you have sat down and really discussed what's happing. All three of you should find a happy balance here, so that no one gets hurt.

I myself have no problem with people who engage in threesomes, and for myself, given the right circumstances, Perhaps, I would too.

Just play it safe, because you never know what the out come will be, and it might be YOU that gets hurt in the long run.

Good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

What ever happened to actually talking to someone in person, esp if you are soon to be naked with them and sharing your boyfriend.

This is not a text issue, this is where they need to say if they are OK and what they are thinking about.

Also it is a good way to ruin a friendship and make work very hard to deal with in the future also

[smoothy]

Don't assume it didn't go over her head... its easy to misread intentions in text unless they are clear and direct. While she MIGHT have read what you tried to say... she might have dismissed it as misunderstanding it.

I've actually has several threesomes with different girlfiends in my youth... they were always at her suggestion... In my case the relationships fell apart for completely unrelated reasons, but as was said... sometimes on person the threesome likes that new person more than their own partner and things get ugly very fast.

Long story short... talk to her face to face... without the boyfriend around, be direct... be honest... and if she brushes it off... drop it like a hot potato.

If he is around as well it might turn into an incredibally embarrassing situation if she isn't on-board.

[Synnen]

Got to disagree with you, Smoothy.

This should be a conversation had by ALL THREE at the same time.

If it's too embarrassing to get past afterward--then it wasn't a very good idea and wasn't thought through very well to begin with.

If the THREE of them, together, cannot talk about sex--then they shouldn't all be having sex anyway.

[talaniman]

Seems direct, and face to face is a better way to get a threesome with a new person than through texting.

[Enigma1999]

.I spoke with my boyfriend and he is down. So we decided that I should approach her about what we would like to do

I too agree that ALL THREE of them should sit down and talk about it.

OP stated that her boyfriend is "down". That being said, he should be apart of the conversation and if he gets embarrassed, so be it.

[smoothy]

Gotta disagree with you, Smoothy.

This should be a conversation had by ALL THREE at the same time.

If it's too embarrassing to get past afterward--then it wasn't a very good idea and wasn't thought through very well to begin with.

If the THREE of them, together, cannot talk about sex--then they shouldn't all be having sex anyway.

I was thinking with her first... THEN if she was game... the three of them. BECAUSE if this other friend of hers really isn't game or would ever consider it... with him there at that moment she (the friend) might be mortified. And that is more likely to hurt the friendship. Some people are really far more shy than the impression they might make. And vice-versa.

I don't think her or her boyfriend are the ones that would be embarrassed, but the friend could.

Of course THEN all three better have a nice long talk... and not 5 minutes before the festivities begin.

I don't think I was really clear enough when I made that statement.

[kp2171]

To the OP'er...

You've made some assumptions. Perhaps they are correct. Perhaps not.

You made a snide comment about how she likes to be complimented even if you don't deem it earned. Like she is not worthy of the affirmation she seeks.

Please explain how you "finally broke down"... was she begging you for a threesome? Did your pity for her drive you there? What barriers were finally spent, exhausted, penetrated? And why?

It is arrogant and conceited to tell someone else that you have the perfect relationship, that they need what you have and they don't have, and that you are offering this one chance for her to experience the supreme joy that you know naturally... and that she could know if only she kisses your arse.

I have absolutely no problem with three adults exploring their sexuality... prefer that they can openly talk about it first.

I have extreme prejudice toward your passive aggressive stance here.

You judged her in need of help that only you and your boyfriend could give her. Screw you. There are several billion people on this earth. You aren't that special. Neither is he. Nor am I.

Your invitation was selfish... which isn't necessily all bad... I wish more people would take care of their core needs... but really... please stop acting like she is deficient. Like she's too dumb to understand what you offered.

Get over it. Move on. Stop spendng time on her. Stop wasting time propping yourself up.

Pretty please?