[alexbeantown]

Hi.I'm a 28 yr old male,I been working second shift at my job for almost 5 years.my issue is with my girlfriend.I have a girlfriend and we been together for five years also,lately she's been distant and shows little interest in me,I knew she was a bit shy in the beginning,and I'm a outgoing guy who likes to show affection for her like it was in the beginning,I complaint to her about her change and she said is because we don't spend time together enough because of my job,the thing is that for me that's not a big deal,no love texts,sex has decrease and I feel sometimes left out,she's always tired,don't know what to do.need some advice.. thanks. Alex

[kp2171]

"bad timing" concerning sex and when one is most driven can be a real issue.

She's stated she likes quality time with you... that it mentally connects her to you... that's fair. It doesn't excuse neglect... both sides need to understand what's happening here. If she is exhausted when you are available, that's a known cause for a drop in drive. And it can get thornier... because if she cannot trust that you will be available when she is most driven, she can begin to mentally shut down. Easier to accept sex won't happen than to hurt for want of it...

I'm not saying this is your fault. I am saying that early in relationships, during that discovery phase, we often go beyond out normal efforts to seek out the other person. It's a part of the chase. The thrill. The excitement of someone new.

Often, in time, well... that's when you start to see the natural rhythms of the other person.

I completely went through this with one love. She was an early morning girl. I favored night. During dating, night was the only time we could see each other, and therefore the only time sex occurred for the most part. Later on, when the relationship became more established and I was a constant part of the household, sex changed dramatically... mostly tied to extreme differences in drive.

Ticked me off at first, but I later learned, after finally addressing this though talking to her, that she had, since 7 years old, read herself to sleep at night. That was her ritual. It wasn't about choosing a book over me... it was her nature.

Now... a compromise was sometimes going to bed a little early and giving some attention... and I eventually started waking up at 4am when she was most driven. Maybe it wasn't my first choice, but it was a choice that I could make.

So she needs some time with you. Make some. Even if its get out one night a month and go out to dinner, even to a hotel. Get out of the norm with all the strains of daily living. Make it an event. See how she responds. Find a night to spend on her needs. Problems outside the bedroom often make their way into the bedroom. Be patient and open and willing to talk about this without it being "you never"...

You need some help. She needs some help. You both need to be willing to change some things up. You both are asking for the same thing... you both want attention... yours is intimate, hers is comforting, but you both are looking for a connection you are struggling to make.

[daydreamer777]

If she's been with you since you've started working your second shift and is only just now bringing it up, it's probably not the job. You should confront her about that, not aggressively since she is shy, but just let her know you know. If she's unwilling to talk, then she's probably made up her mind and it's up to you to either change something or let her go if she's trying to leave.
If this isn't the first time she's brought up the lack of time together, then you've missed the warning signs. At that point, you need to find out if she or the job is more important to you in the long run.
Talking to her would be the biggest part of this, especially since y'all have been together for 5 yrs. She's probably not going to want to walk away from that kind of commitment unless you give her no choice. Good luck. :)