[Jennlynnwren]

I had been dating this guy for about 8 months, and then he got this amazing job opportunity to work on a cruise ship as an entertainment singer. We were very much in love and we had even moved in together the month before he left (he didn't know he would have to leave within a month of getting the apartment), moved all our stuff in together. Basically set up a whole life. He talked about our whole life after the cruise ship stuff was done with and everything. Then, two weeks into the cruise he tells me that we need to take a break because it's way too hard to be that far away from me and that since this is his first time being on his own without the aid of anyone but his group members he needs time to figure out who he is.

I talked to his best friend(which is my neighbor and very good friend) and he said that my "ex" loves me, and that he even cried when he talked to him. Our friend was just as stunned about the whole thing as well seeing as he apparently would talk about marrying me and he's never done this when it came to any other girl previous to me.

My ex called me after he called his best friend and cried while talking to me as well. He said that he loves me very much, and feels like this is what's best for right now. I asked if he is doing this to meet other women and if he cheated or anything and he said that's not what it's about at all. He says that "who knows in a month, 2 or 4 months I could realize that this whole thing isn't what I want and maybe all I want is to be back home with you". But for now he needs to do this and figure out who he is.

All my friends seem to think that when he gets back he's going to want to be together again, but I don't want to mainly get my hopes up. I'm not necessarily waiting for him, but him and I were so far into a commitment then this happened and completely overwhelmed me. I still love him, and I trust what he's saying completely considering that's what his friends have said to me and also what one of our friends that is with him on the ship.

I just need some advice and opinions on the situation. Sorry it was so long. Everything that was bottle up inside of me just got let out.
Thanks,
Jenn

[Wondergirl]

If I understand this right, the cruise ship job has no end date. He's gone indefinitely.

Whether it's Michael Buble or Justin Bieber or Tom Jones, male singers/entertainers are a huge attraction to women. I'm guessing your ex will attract women in his audience and, then, because he is captive on a cruise ship, is always going to be in sight or available, sunbathing on deck or eating in the dining room or walking down a hallway.

And it sounds like a very luxurious life -- swimming in a huge pool, resting and relaxing, eating wonderful meals, chatting with interesting passengers, making money doing something you totally enjoy -- what's not to like about being on a cruise ship, and even better, being a star attraction on a cruise ship!

If I were you, I'd move forward and even do No Contact, although you might want to hear his stories and descriptions to put into the fiction book you plan to write. (Or send them to me for my next book.) And no, it's not that hard to be away from you -- not with Skype, email, maybe texting, phone calls.

Is he still helping pay for the apartment, or are you on your own?

[Jennlynnwren]

Being on the cruise ship isn't as luxurious for the workers though and they're still considered workers. They have cramped rooms, eat mess hall food, etc. You're not allowed to fraternize with the guests and such. He's not gone indefinitely. He's coming back in 6 months. He didn't have any money at the beginning of the ship time so he wasn't able to set skype up until the end of this week cause this is when he gets paid.

But I don't understand, if he really loves me still, which he says he does, and he says he wants to give it a try again when he gets back, then why do this?

[Jennlynnwren]

Couldn't fit all of what I needed to say in this section, but my reply is there. I never even really got to speak to him about rent issues because when he called me it was a phone call that woke me up and I wasn't fully aware of what was going on.

[J_9]

Please use the Answer box to reply as it allows for more room to type.

Also, Skype is free!

[Jennlynnwren]

Skype is free, but the internet for the cruise ship isn't.

[J_9]

Ah, I see.

Now, please use the Answer box, not the Comment feature.

[Jake2008]

It sounds like the relationship went from zero to 60 in less than seven seconds. Perhaps it was too much, too fast, and too soon.

It could also have something to do with the fact that the job on the ship, was an 'out', and he had been having doubts long before you became aware of them The cruise ship job may have been part of a plan to end the relationship. It just made it easier because he had a good excuse.

So, while this may be news to you, I doubt that it wasn't something that he hadn't been thinking about for a long time. After all, ending this relationship after only two weeks of being on the job, speaks to some considerable forethought in my opinion.

So while this may be a shock, consider that he means what he says, and isn't going suddenly change his mind. If I were you, I'd pack up my things, and move out, and stop communicating with him looking for answers, and/or looking for hope that he may change his mind.

As hard as it is, he is no longer wishing to be in a relationship with you.

[Jennlynnwren]

Then why would he say no to me asking him if he wanted a break way before he left?

[Jake2008]

Jenn,

He just maybe thought that it was easier to go, and then tell you. Or he could have meant it; thinking that breaking up was something that he wasn't entirely sure about doing or not, although I think he likely tossed the idea around more than once. And maybe he just needed that little bit of time away, to really think on his own to finally come to a decision.

I know myself that I've held off on making big decisions, simply because I don't want to hurt anybody if I'm not 100% sure that I'm doing the right thing. I've gone on with people, not letting on anything is wrong, until finally I realized what I had to do.

So maybe a small 'plus' in all of this is that he more likely than not, didn't just dismiss you on a whim, or let you go because he wanted to be with someone else, or he wanted to have meaningless one night stands with available women on the ship. I would give him a little more credit than that.

That it ended this way, may not have been the best way of doing it, but he didn't keep you hanging with dishonesty, or by giving you false hope.

[I wish]

You can analyze what he said day and night. But the bottom line is that he wants space. He laid out the ground rules, so you either be patient and wait for him to talk to you when he's ready or you can move on from him.

Since you still have feelings for him, I would say wait patiently. Once he's ready to talk, he will find a way to contact you. As for you, sitting around going in circles about what he said isn't healthy for you. You should go out with your friends and have fun. Enjoy life!

[Jennlynnwren]

I had a turning point yesterday. I feel completely better and actually a lot more relieved that I can live my life and do anything I want without having to wait for him to come back. So many guys have been asking me out within the past few days and I haven't even mentioned that I'm not with him anymore. I'm still young, and even though I've grown up a lot faster than most people my age (not to sound conceited or anything, just so many people have said this to me), I still want to be able to live my life. And that's what I'm going to do. :) Thanks for all the help you guys.

[I wish]

No harm in making new friends. No need to rush into a new relationship so quickly.