[GoingInsane]

I am a 29 year old guy. I met my step-sister when I was about 13 years old. Back then I didn't realize just what I felt for her and when I figured it out a few years later it terrified me so I kept it to myself. She never knew just how insane it made me seeing her with other guys (Mainly my friends since we had the same social group after a year or two of her living with me)

I finally realized just what I was feeling for her when I hit about 18 or so. I kept it to myself and was planning on taking that secret to the grave with me. I actually managed to deal with it and the other stresses in my life by basically numbing myself to everything. Lived in a bad family back then too so it kind of helped. Our parents both drank and did other stuff and were kind of violent drunks, spent my whole teenage years protecting her from them as much as I could. We both went separate routes on that issue as we got older, I don't drink, smoke or do any drugs while she loves to drink, get high on weed and smoke cigarettes but we still stayed close.

Well, now I am 29 years old and have been stuck living at my dads old house (he moved out and in with his girlfriend of about 4 years and has cleaned up a lot) since I lost my job and have been job hunting (about to start work again finally) well she broke up with her old man and had to move in with me too, along with her 2 kids. Well, when she moved in, it felt great to me, I felt so proud that I could help her again and all that and it kept making me think back to when we were kids and she first moved in and how we used to hang out, just the 2 of us, playing games, watching movies, talking for hours and everything and as pathetic as it may sound, to this day, they are still the best moments of my life.

And I am guessing that is why for some reason I lost the ability to numb myself to it all anymore. And living with her around again and not knowing I couldn't help it, after 16 years of keeping this secret I finally told her. She stayed calm at first for the most part for mentally she was freaking out. She was all over the place on this one, she told me she was fine about it but also turned into the ultra-***** and when we would argue any she would use it to make me feel 2 inches tall. And over and over again she told me she didn't feel that way about me even when I didn't ask her if she did, she just read 20 times more into everything I did than I ever implied except one time, late at night when it was just me and her around, she told me she had strong feelings for me too but would never allow it to show. That night still is eating at the back of mind and it was about 3 months ago I think.

Well, after that she ended up rebounding into a guy HARD (she still wasn't over her last guy who she had cared about openly about as long as I have cared for her secretly and was really broken down over him) to the point where she is giving him credit for qualities he has never demonstrated yet. He knew he was a rebound and played the part and is trying to make it a permanent relationship anyway it seems. It killed me watching him play and manipulate her at the beginning knowing she was a rebound but everything I did, just seemed to push her closer to him and no one else would even try. Since then she actually managed to get a job as a secretary and started renting this place from my dad with me still living here and actually moved him in with a month and a half of starting going out (They are moving so fast that he gave her a promise ring within 2 weeks of going out and she has been saying they are engaged ever since).

I don't know what to do, I have tried to stop feeling like I do about her and can't, I have tried for over 10 years. I can't numb myself to it anymore to just not feel hardly anything again and it is killing me inside. It has felt like I am having a perpetual heart attack for days now and she doesn't have any idea of just how much this hurts. I love her, I want her to be happy, but it doesn't make this feel any better.

I want her with all my heart and soul and if given the chance would do anything I could to make sure her and the kids are taken care of and happy, the kids have taken to me already and have since they were born, been getting the "Uncle Dad" jokes from the rest of the family for years now. But that isn't my place. What can I do? I want her, I can't have her, I can't stop feeling this way, and for the time being I can't get away so I am stuck watching them all Ga-Ga over each other and I don't want to be stuck watching them look like that or walking by her room in the middle of the night to hear them having sex.

Hell, even when I do get away, so long as she is home, all I want to do is come back home to hang out with her expect when I am here and see them together it hurts to the point all I want to do is get away. And after 16 years, I can't even begin to call it an infatuation or anything cause as far as I know they don't last nowhere near that long. I have had a few girls in my life I have really liked but she is the only one I have ever actually loved and I have been able to do anything about it.

Seriously I am lost here, I don't know what to do and I am tired of my body feeling like it is having a heart attack or getting light headed or any of that stuff. And I apologize for how long this is as well.

[answerme_tender]

You are now employed, I would let your Dad know that if she continues to live there that you will be moving out!! Give your Dad the choice to let her know. You have got to remove yourself from being in day to day contact with this woman. She obviously doesn't feel the same way towards you and never will. If fact I think she is feeling betrayed by you. She thought of you as a brother, and you have taken that perception away, and in return placed a man that she feels as a brother having the hots for her.

You have turned a teenage crush into a adult obsession. Stop it!! Now that you are 29yrs get you backside out and start putting yourself out there for a REAL relationship. You have been holding yourself back from being hurt,judge, or having to full fill any expections by a real woman, but creating this obsession with the step sister, a relationship that you had to of know would never turn into any real, but then you didn't have to put yourself out there yet.

Its time. We have all experienced the hurts,pain of a bad relationship, but you know something we also experienced the good times. The first love, the passion, just holding hands with that person. But you have to be willing to put yourself out there to experience it ALL. Good luck

[GoingInsane]

She is renting the place from my father outright, I am just staying here till I can get back out on my own again. Not employed yet, I am in the middle of the hiring process from a local factory but not actually hired yet.

I figured she is feeling betrayed by me, I never meant to mislead her in anyway and it really feels weird when she looks at me one second with a big smile and then the next with disgust. And I have tried to put myself out for other relationships, just not really too many options for quality girls living in a military town. Trust me, I have tried for other girls, last girl I actually tried for before her we were talking for years and then she went from talking about her moving in with me to blowing me off like I was nothing after 2 years the moment I lost my house, found out the hard way that I wasn't as special to her as she was to me.

I have tried to stop feeling like that my whole life, just doesn't seem to work. I have spent months apart from her at a time and having myself thinking I am fine and over her but then the moment I see her again face to face, it is just like it all floods back and I really didn't accomplish anything trying.

I haven't been holding back on my life, I have been trying to keep going but I just kind of ended up stuck in this situation. Lost my old job, lost my house and had to move back in here, then she broke up with her old man and lost her house and had to move in here too and the 1 person I have never been able to get over and I have always tried to help but keep my composure around was now beside me again every day.

Trust me, once I get this work, I have it setup where I will be out of here and on my own within a month, but my god it hurts so much in the mean time and it has for a while now. I figure she doesn't see like that except for the confusing signals she has given me at times and still trying to figure out why she told me that she had strong feelings for me too when she spends the rest of her time telling me the exact opposite.

I would be happy to just be able to quit feeling like this over her and just be her big brother like I have tried to do for her my whole life.

[GoingInsane]

Crap, should have put "Edit:" after Paragraph 3 but I never used this site before and figured it would just post it at the bottom since I didn't have enough space to post it as a reply.

[GoingInsane]

Lol, I hit reload and now it displays right... Can ignore my last reply to this.

[cdad]

You need to get professional help with this. I agree its gone beyond crush to obsession. And its very unhealthy. You need help getting this out of your head. The fact that she has strong feelings for you is no surprise as she is your SISTER. But she doesn't share the same feelings you have and has no lust for you. (rightfully so)

So go get the help you need before this gnaws away at you for the rest of your life. Seek help right away.

[Enigma1999]

Also, focus on other things, like getting a job and getting your own place.

I usually say that people can't help who they fall in love with, but in this case, she is your sister (maybe not by blood) but she has been your sister for many years.

This is something that I would not ever share with her.

[dontknownuthin]

You have been fighting this because you know it's an inappropriate relationship. Also, you have chosen a clean life and she's repeating the substance abuse of the family. And you are getting your life together while hers is still going a lot of bad directions, so she probably needs a brother but not for her brother to cross boundaries.

I think you should join Al Anon because your family roles are really screwed up generally because of the substance abuse - you took on more responsibility so it changed your relationship with your siblings, so no wonder you're having trouble finding the right boundaries now. And also, it's helpful to work through past issues.

I think counseling is a good idea, too, to learn how to move on from this unhealthy obsession. Pursuing it would really be abusive to her - as you say, you both had a crappy upbringing with a lot of alcohol among the then adults, and if you can't be her brother - the only appropriate role for you to have in her life - you need to create considerable distance from her and learn to move on. My guess is that feeling needed is really important to you, so that's something you need to find in an appropriate relationship with a non-relative. I know she's not your genetic sister, but the family boundaries still apply emotionally.

[Jake2008]

To carry a flame for someone for so long, and to finally be able to express yourself, and then be shot down, is a tragic place to be in, in more ways than one.

I'm not so sure that it is inappropriate, legally, for a step sister and step brother, with no blood relationship, to be committing some sort of faux pas here. First cousins marry within families all over the world, including North America, and step siblings are, I would think, more distant than blood relations such as first cousins. If somebody knows the legal ins and outs of this point in particular, please let me know. My hunch is, I don't think it is illegal.

That being said, you feel how you feel. That it happens to be your step sister, does not mean that your feelings are any less valued than anybody else's. Let's assume for arguments' sake, that it would not be seen as incest, or illegal, for you to be in love with your step sister.

Keeping a flame burning for 10 years, is a good chunk of your life, that you cannot replace. While you have had her in the forefront regardess of how many women you dated in the meanwhile, still does not give you the freedom you need to truly love another.

It reminds me in a way, of a person who has lost their wife. They hang onto memories, old photo's, memories, and lament the days away, emotionally tied to what once was, and will never be again. To some extent it is a choice made, to keep the past alive, and brings great comfort.

But, to keep a past that never was in the first place, alive and thriving in your mind, is putting both you, and your step sister in a place that never existed, and never will exist.

Regardless of the legal standing of your family relationship with her, there is no romantic interest. There is no relationship outside of brother/sister. She has made this clear by not only living her life, but by very clearly telling you that she is not interested. She may have said some things to make you feel better, or to help you understand that it can never happen between the two of you, but you are putting your life on hold, still, waiting for something to happen.

Not letting go of something that never was, and keeping this dream alive despite all reasonable arguments not to, means that you need more help than you can get here, to learn how to let this go. It is not a simple process to stop loving someone, but for your own mental health, and for the simple goal of learning how to live again by letting her go, you really must seek counselling.

There is more to this in my opinion, than what you are sharing. More to your life, your hopes, dreams, successes and failures than what you have shared here. And all of that adds up to you being stuck in this place, focused on a woman that is like a beacon of hope in turbulent seas. If you could only reach her, everything would be solved. And that of course, is not living in reality.

Please seek counselling to help you understand why you are in this place, and what you need to do to learn how to finally let go, and move on.

[GoingInsane]

It isn't illegal for step-siblings to be together or even get married it does happen often in the US. And I didn't actually meet her till I was 13 years old so it isn't like I was raised side by side with her. But I tried my best not to feel that way about her when I figured out exactly what I was feeling. It took me years to actually figure that out cause I was one of them boys who actually didn't get the sex drive of puberty till near the end so I wasn't really into women until I was about 17 or 18.

When I finally told her, I wasn't expecting her to just welcome me in as that kind of person. I never really wanted to tell her and wanted to take the secret to my grave but I just couldn't do it spending 20+ hours a day side by side with her again, helping her with the kids, helping her get her life back on track again and everything. When I finally broke down an told her, I was so humiliated and terrified that she would just never want to talk to me again that I was shaking like a 10 year old girl.

It has always been really confusing to me, she has hit me on ever level my entire life since we met and I just bit back and tried not to let her know. Growing up, she was my little-sister, best friend, and something more wrapped into one.

I am not trying to become her boyfriend or anything like that, I won't lie, I want it so bad it hurts but that isn't my place and I have always known that, all I really want to do is just be the big brother I have always tried to be, do what is best for her and her kids and get a grip on my own emotions. I am not trying to be the boyfriend, I am trying to be the big brother I am and protect and take care of my family just like I do with the rest of my siblings.

There is more to this Jake than what I have mentioned but it is mainly just elaborating on what I have already said. I met her when I was about 13 when my dad was dating her mom, I felt like she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen, I liked the sound of her voice and her personality and I was proud to have her in my family. Spent the next few years basically joined at the hip with her where you didn't see one of us without the other and we would spend hours alone and be just fine hanging out, just the 2 of us. We got older, she started getting interested in boys about the same time I started noticing girls and was trying to figure out why I was having thoughts like that about her and quickly figured out why. She started dating my friends cause we had the same social group which drove me out of my mind, the brother in my wanted to beat the crap out of them for messing with my little sister while the other half just wanted to beat the crap out of them from shear jealousy. I tried to fight it as best I could and still hung out with everyone even though it was killing me seeing her with them. Time went on,my feelings for her never weakened, even when we started spending less and less time together and we both moved to our own places and got lives of our own where we only say each other a few hours a week or so except on special occasions. Then we both had to move back into the house we both grew up in and I was forced to be side by side with her all over again and the strain of it all over again was just too much to keep it in anymore. And that is basically everything summed up. If you want to know about anything else just ask.

[Jake2008]

I'm not so sure that it would ever be possible for you to re-establish a brother/sister relationship with her as adults, now that she is aware that you have had, and continue to have such strong romantic feelings for her. And the fact that she is otherwise engaged, and not interested in you.

What I tried to say was that, even before your feelings were known to her, your life was still on hold, and had been for a decade, at least. And you were unable to let go of her, and your desire to be with her during all that time, and you are unable to do so now. Trying to gain back the brother status, in my opinion, just won't work. You can't turn the clock back and continue as things were before, because they are essentially the same as they are now. Your life is on hold, and your life revolves around her.

When you are hired at the factory, I hope that you will move as quickly as possible as you mentioned before. I would also follow the advice given and speak to your father about her, her fiancé, and her children living in your father's house. That would also help you, if she were not back in the family home, but out and on her own somewhere with her own family.

I didn't, and don't, want to see you judged as being an immoral person because you have these feelings for your step sister. That was my reason for questioning the legality of it. Unless proven otherwise, you've done nothing wrong in my opinion, other than fall in love with a (now) woman, who is not available to you. That she is also your step-sister, or that you were raised as siblings (your father is no longer married to her mother I take it), doesn't factor into this. The way I see it, is that you are both adults, and capable of making choices, without the 'stigma' of being 'related'.

And it is the choices that you are making now that concern me the most. You have said that past relationships were always overshadowed with her being such a huge influence in how you saw other women. I think that it is fair to say, that it would have been impossible for another woman to take her place so to speak, and you continue to have this encumbrance that you cannot break free of, in order to pursue a healthy relationship with someone else. She defines everything.

Regardless of anything else, this is the problem, that I don't think you see. If she had not been raised with you, and you met her locally through a friend, and dated her a long time, then things didn't work out, and she went her own way, would you still say that having such strong feelings for her now, are healthy? Would you think that if this were happening to a friend of yours, that you would advise him any differently than the advice I'm giving you?

But, sometimes hanging onto a dream, even one that is unrequited, is better than not having anything, or anyone else, in your life, of greater importance. Most of us are guilty of having had at least one relationship that we were blind to, in that we hung on, hoped for the best, even when clearly things were not going to work out. Many people never let go, and have strong feelings for an ex for example, long after moving on to other partners, marriages, and relationships. Here in AMHD it is not exactly infrequent, that adults will wonder if they should make that connection again to an old high school flame, because the feelings are still there.

It is up to you of course, what you decide to do. You can carry on for another decade, the way you have for the past one, or you can try to establish the brother/sister relationship you had with her, which she probably doesn't need or want anymore, or you can talk this all out, and see if you can't discover why you are unable to move past her, and learn what you need to know, in order to do that.

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Jake, I have to spread it but agree with many of your points. Although Goinginsane, you are right that it isn't illegal for step siblings to date or marry, Jake is very right in that you are not living in reality.

I pulled this out of your original post and I think it is important for you to reread what I have outlined in bold print:

Our parents both drank and did other stuff and were kinda violent drunks, spent my whole teenage years protecting her from them as much as I could. We both went separate routes on that issue as we got older, I don't drink, smoke or do any drugs while she loves to drink, get high on weed and smoke cigarettes but we still stayed close.

Well, when she moved in, it felt great to me, I felt so proud that I could help her again and all that and it kept making me think back to when we were kids and she first moved in and how we used to hang out, just the 2 of us, playing games, watching movies, talking for hours and everything and as pathetic as it may sound, to this day, they are still the best moments of my life.

And I am guessing that is why for some reason I lost the ability to numb myself to it all anymore

For you, it has always been you and your sister against the world. Growing up you were her protector. She gave you a purpose and allowed you to escape the crappy life circumstances that surrounded you both. You are a born caretaker. That is nice. Unfortunately, she no longer requires you to take care of her as she did back then. You need to accept that. You state you are trying to be the big brother, protect her and her family. You need to recognize this is a self-appointed position and you need to actively back off from that. You also stated that you are not trying to be the boyfriend but it is very apparent that you don't want any other man in her life because it screws up this little nuclear family fantasy you have created for yourself. Before this new guy came along, you finally had what you have been wanting ever since you were a teenager -- your version of a normal family life. It has made you happy. There is no shame in that. However, you need to recognize & accept that your sister and her kids are not your family unit, as much as you would like it to be so. Even though you say you know having a relationship with her is not possible, I suspect you are a little bit hopeful that, if no other man is around her eventually she might open her eyes and realize how right you both are for each other. You may disagree, but I think that is what is going on here now that she is back in your life full time.

You need to think about this: you aren't working and that has created a low point in your life. You have found a renewed life purpose in taking care of her and her children. That is normal for someone in your position and with your background. BUT, you need to recognize the situation for what it is. Yes, you made a mistake in declaring your love for her but we all make mistakes and you can turn this around if you are willing to actively work on getting yourself out of this hole you have dug for yourself. Stop doing what I call the "mind effing" routine. Stop with the "what ifs" and the "if onlys". Time will soften the embarrassment and emotional rawness you now feel. You need to actively stop this self-appointed role of "Dad" & "Life Partner." The children have a Dad. Your sister has a new partner that she (whether right or wrong for her) is very much into. Work on actively getting that job or another job. You need to get yourself out of that house as much as you can. Is it possible to get your Father to tell her to move out since she has moved someone else in? For your own mental health, you need to put some physical distance between you and your sister. If it is not possible for her to move out, work extra hard to get whatever job you can so you are able to move your own butt out of the house. In the meantime, since you are financially in a bind, you probably qualify for one of the programs that offer free mental health counseling. I think it is vital you get some counseling to help you through this and onto the path of finding a healthy adult relationship that will lead to children of your own. Take a look in your local yellow pages under Community Services, Connections, Helplines, or Mental Health Services (every location seems to have different names) and call any of the numbers for family mental health services. If the dept you pick can't help you, they should be able to direct you to one that can. If you still can't find the help you need, I think dontknownuthin's suggestion of Al Anon might be a good starting point for you. Please, do not hesitate or wait any longer to get outside help. This situation is not going to go away or get any better on it's own. I wish you all the best in your life. You should too.

**edit: I didn't see Jake's last post because I have been writing this one. So, forgive me if I have repeated anything she has stated.

[GoingInsane]

She is trying to go back to the brother/sister thing, just as I am. And my father and her mom broke up about 6 years ago or so but still talk and are friends.

I my past relationships weren't really overshadowed by her, I make it a point never to try and compare one relationship to another, there is no way you can compare an old relationship with a new one and expect it to be fair to the new one, the only time you can really compare them as after it is over, any other time and you are just setting yourself up for failure. When I try to have a relationship with another girl, I don't use her or anyone as a reference cause they are all different, but I do see what you are getting at but I never actually held back on any of them, just none of them ever got that far, I have always been a very introverted person my life until the past year or so and because of that, I have always been somewhat socially awkward but I am getting better at that, most girls don't like a guy who has trouble holding their own in a conversation and doesn't like to go out and hang out in large groups. And I was a computer nerd for the most part so I was kind of pudgy around the mid-section, but also been working on that, developing a 6-pack chest now too, so far dropped from 231 pounds to 195 pounds and from a 36 to a 30 belt in the past 6 months. My plan right now for the most part is to get myself into shape, get myself back into my own house and by next summer be something worth putting back onto the market that is better than what I was before I moved back here. The fact the last girl I dealt with could blow me off so easily after 2 years just cause I lost my house proved to me just how woefully inadequate I was in this regard.

If she was just some girl on the street and it didn't work out, I would have gone my own way and gotten over it by now. But not easy when you see each other pretty frequently your whole life, you are the one she calls for help, you are the one she asks for advise on many issues and you are the one that she went to for moral support or anything they need. Our entire life, even till she moved back her, I was the one she confided in and she was the one I confided in. We have been close our entire lives. Even now, she calls me from her work at times when she bored and can't get in touch with her boyfriend to talk when things get slow, but we do argue a lot more recently, but that is understandable.

I am trying to get back to the brother/sister relationship that I always tried have and trying to get myself to quit feeling like this for her. But I honestly have no idea to stop feeling like this for her and nothing I have ever tried in my life has worked. I will bite back on how I feel from now till the end if I have to but I would rather just not feel like this and just not dealing with her isn't an option. I figure once I get back on my own again and not around her half of my waking life anymore I will be able to recover my composure better but that is at least 2 months off at this rate cause this job has like 4 or 5 interviews I have to go through before I can start, but for a job that pays about $800 a week starting, I figure they have to do that to weed out a lot of the people who try for it.

I do thank you for talking about it though, just being able to actually communicate to someone does make it a little more bearable, she has always been the one I confided in and this is something she really doesn't want to talk about and can't talk about it to any of my other friends or family cause they actually somewhat picked up that I had feelings for her back then and teased me about it trying have fun, they didn't realize they were actually right and I am not trying to reopen that one again, there are maybe 3 or 4 other people who know that I have feelings for her and even though they aren't going to tell the rest, they are still no one I can really talk to on the matter.

I am betting she told her boyfriend though and it will probably be very well known if/when they break up anyway...

[Jake2008]

You know how it goes when you have a relationship with someone, and it breaks up. I don't know what you think of this, but I have never personally seen much, if any, success in going from boyfriend/girlfriend, back to just friends. (not that you were boyfriend/girlfriend, but that that was the truth of your interest)

With you, what you had up until she was made aware of your feelings for her, was a brother/sister type of relationship, with you being the big brother, and her being the 'needy' little sister. You played that role very well, which speaks a great deal to your character. As you said, you were there for her 100%, no matter what her problems were.

But, had you had no romantic feelings for her, would you have played that role in the first place, after she was an adult. Especially after her mother, and your father, broke up. You had no reason to continue to be a brother to her, or a protector. Is it fair to say that what motivated you, were the feelings of love that you kept hidden?

I'm also beginning to think that she was more aware than you think in that she realized your feelings for her, and, this will be hard for you to hear perhaps, but, could she have used those feelings she knew you had, in order to continue to have you available to rescue her?

To back that up is also the fact that even today, after she knows exactly how you feel about her, she says no to a relationship with you, but yes to keeping you around to help her solve her problems.

Had she been me, I would have (assuming she was as disgusted with the prospect of having you for a boyfriend as you described earlier), a) realized the big brother relationship had changed, and b) I would not have continued to see you in that light, and therefore would have stopped expecting you to be a brother anymore. And in so doing that, would have ended the relationship entirely. To me, had you told me how you felt about me, and I did not feel remotely the same, I would have been far to uncomfortable to carry on ANY relationship whatsoever.

So has it crossed your mind, that you are being used? That she has a secret weapon, and that is knowing you are in love with her? Could she have used this tactic to work her way back into the house, with her boyfriend and children? Is she still using you in order to stay there? Is it in her best interest that she have you in her life? Are her needs being met in doing so? Do you think that she benefits more from having your undivided attention and support, than she does without it? What would motivate her to keep a relationship going with you, knowing how YOU feel, and not being willing to be on the same page as you are. Except of course, her needs are being met by having you on the hook so to speak.

And, if any of this is truthful in some way, do you really think that it is in your best interest to go back to being a 'brother' to this woman?

[GoingInsane]

To "Just_Another_Lemming": I do try and put as much physical distance from here as I can but it isn't that she is with another man that is giving me so much trouble with them, yes it hurts and sucks but I can live with it. I want her to be happy, but he isn't the guy to do it, she rebounded into a guy who is a player and already has 2 kids from 2 other girls he doesn't even see and a whole host of other things. I want her to be happy and with someone who is good for her, she needs a family guy, not a player who thinks he finally got a keeper.

And to Jake:I know about the back to friends thing and it is true. I do think I can go back to just brother and sister again though, not entirely but enough. Even with everything that happened, I still want to be able to be friendly and helpful to them.

And yes, I would have helped her just as much if I had not had feelings for her. I have 1 full sister, 1 half sister, 2 step sisters and 1 step brother and I help them all. Sure I help her more than the rest at the moment, but she also moved back in here, before then I helped them all about the same. I won't lie that my feelings gave me more gratification out of helping her than the rest but I help them any way I can, not just her. When my dad and her mom broke up, it didn't change the fact that I and her kids still treated and saw each other as siblings, my other step-sister and step-brother still call me their brother as well.

And I have thought about her maybe knowing about it before hand, but I honestly don't think she did, you didn't see just how it affected her when I finally told her, her mind was racing a mile a minute and she wasn't really saying much of anything to me for a while after that. Growing up, part of the family had an idea that I was but didn't know for sure, but she honestly just thought I was being the over-protective older brother and we were also best friends so we hung out all the time anyway. To her, that is just how she always knew me to be.

And she isn't using me to stay here at all, she never actually used me to stay here, she asked my father if she could stay here, she chose here over the rest of her family cause I was here and I have always been her protector and shoulder to cry on but she never used to stay here at all. She asked me if I was OK with it and then asked my father directly without any input from me.

Even after I told her and she started officially renting this place from my dad after she got work, she is still waiting patiently for me to get a job and get back out on my own again, she isn't yelling at me about it or anything but she does tell me more often that I need to go out and start dating more and told me she could help teach me how to be better with women. She wants me to stay her brother and is also trying to deflect my feelings to another girl instead.

[Felinabombina]

Oh honey, reading about your problem brought a tear to my eye. Can I give you a woman's opinion?

I would love for a man to love me as much. There is so much love in you to give!

Your love is wasted, though. Think about it. There is possibly a girl out there who can love you as much, but you wouldn't even give her a moment's chance, all because of your obsession with one you can never have.

You mean to tell me at the ripe age of 29, you've NEVER fallen in love with anyone else? How sad. I'm 27, and can honestly say I've been in love, REALLY in love, three times.

It is possible to love another, despite what you think. And I'm of the opinion that you are depriving a lovely young woman out there of something that can be wonderful.

Take it from me. As a woman, I read your post and am honestly envious of your stepsister. Imagine, having someone love you so much, over so long a time!

I wonder why can't anyone love me as much?

She's a fool.