[jimcat]

My daughter and I have always been close. I adore her. My daughter in law dislikes my husband and me somewhat. She told my daughter that I sad bad things about my daughers husband. I love my son in law like my own son and I said nothing. My daughter refuses to believe me. She confronted me and I told her the truth and she kept asking me why her sister in law would lie. Now, my daughter refuses to speak to me. I did nothing. I live 1000 miles away from both of them and my visits are few and far between, maybe a couple times a year. I am miserable over this and I don't know how to fix it. I did nothing wrong and I am being punished because my daughter in law has a vivid imagination and big mouth. How do I get my daughter to listen to me? She won't answer my calls or even talk to me now . I am heartbroken. She and her brother mean the world to me. I want this solved but not WW3. My son would take his wife's side instantly. I have always been nice to my daughter in law and I don't understand why she would do this to me.

[AidanA]

I have been on the opposite side you are on right now. My brother use to lie a lot to my whole family. He would steal our things, even my moms wedding ring, so he could buy drugs. Then he would try and help us find it, acting like it wasn't him. And I really hated him for a while. Now I know I am talking about a completely different type of lying but I still know what you should do. Don't do anything at all that risks your relationship, little things like making sarcastic comments, always be nice even if it is very hard, and it will be. Try to talk to your son in law and ask him if he believes that you love him, then he can talk to his wife and possibly give her the truth. I know you love your daughter a lot, a mothers love is the most immense love ever. I am only 16 years old, and me and my mother have an extraordinary bond with each other. I love her so much. You know, just don't worry about that past though, look forward to a time where a difference can be made, where you and your daughter can spend time together again. It can happen all you need to do is try really hard.

A few suggestions as well:
-They say money can't buy love but it can certainly invoke it. Unless you really can't spend any money, you should once in a while maybe send her a handwritten letter with a giftcard or something that she likes. Make sure it is hand written and mailed because that is much more deep and shows her you care.
-Give her time, maybe she just need to cool down a little but.
-Don't talk to her directly, but try to communicate with her close friends or even her husband to see how she feels.

I hope I have helped. I really am sorry about what has happened but I know you can make it up in the future.

[answerme_tender]

Iam a little surprised that a daughter will take a sister-in-laws side rather then her mothers. Is there a history between you and your daughter of not seeing eye to eye on matters?

[Jake2008]

If you had been as close to your daughter, and as cordial to your daughter in law and son as you say you have been, then either you aren't telling the whole story here, or your daughte in law is just one of those people who like to stir the pot.

Either way, your daughter and your son, should at least attempt to give you the benefit of the doubt in mending this rift. Nobody benefits from losing what was otherwise, good relations between family members.

I would address this directly if it were me, because of the fact that nobody is making a move to resolve what has become a permanent rift.

Make plans to travel that 1,000 miles for a few days. It is not so easy to fluff you off when they know you are at the ABC hotel downtown, a short drive from where they all are. Let them know in an email, or by regular mail if they've blocked you, that you will be arriving on such and such a date, and you expect that they will show due respect to you as their father (and father in law), that all will meet at such and such a place, at a certain time.

And tell them why this is so important. This rift has to be addressed, and resolved. Tell them that at the time they all meet, you plan to listen respectfully to what they have to say, and that it will not turn into a shouting match. Tell them you need to know what you have done, to cause what has happened, that you do not understand yourself.

Allow them to talk without interruption, and don't respond to what I think, will be petty differences of opinion, or assumptions made that have grown larger than life. Expect that they, in turn, will allow you to voice your opinions without interruption.

When all the cards are on the table, and all that is needed to be said, is said, then see if you can't see where they are coming from (even if they are wrong). Explain things in a factual way, such as, "No Sue, I did not say or intend to imply what you said I did", and deal with the issues one by one.

There doesn't have to be a 'winner', and no fingers have to be pointed in the direction of your daughter in law particularly. If everyone is allowed to speak without judgment, including yourself, it should become quite obvious what the problem is, and that in turn, will be an opportunity to clear the air.

It is the only option that I see. To keep things as they are now, when for all you know, an hour visit, face to face with all of them, could very well solve this divide, would be tragic.

At the very least, even if nothing is immediately resolved, your attempt to resolve it, will go a long way in breaking up the ice.