[youradvisor1]

Ok, so I previously submitted a question about a coworker that involved an emotional affair. Somehow I allowed this individual to creep into my life and as a result developed feelings. He and I always had what I thought was a platonic relationship. He's married and I was in a very long term relationship. We have worked together for four years and not once did I ever feel anything toward him until he started pursuing me. I have no interest in being the other woman and I think it's morally despicable. What started as after work texts periodically turned into long winded conversations over email and IM in the evenings. We started going out for drinks after work at least once or twice a week. He told me that I make him so happy blah blah blah and that he feels fireworks with me and has a crush on me. Ok, not going to lie, feel the same but hell if I'm going to let this go on any longer. I realized we were headed down a long, ugly road as he is married and it's entirely unacceptable to email/text/IM your colleagues in the evening. I'm not saying I'm innocent here as I responded and enabled this situation to happen. That being said I confronted him and said that our relationship could seriously hurt and break apart his family. I said this needed to stop and that we had to revert back to what we had before. He said he understood and respected my decision. Then he came on even stronger and out of the blue completely stopped talking to me. Great, I got what I asked for and I felt like we were moving on. Our professional relationship lasted for about a couple weeks.

Then out of the clear blue he started IMing me constantly at work and in the evening texting me. He asked if he could come over and take a nap with me. I responded back (bad idea to respond) jokingly saying he should take a nap on the train as I used to do when I lived out in the burbs. He replied and said I dodged the question and that he wanted to come over. How messed up is that considering we hadn't really talked in weeks and he has the nerve to even go there. Um hello how would the wife feel about that?

I just want a normal, healthy working relationship with no tension. I invited this into my life and have to accept the consequences. I realize I'm no victim and can't say he is fully at fault. So now what I deal with regularly is a married colleague that is all over me one or two days out of the week as in IMing, coming over to my office, flirting, acting like a teenager in heat and the next few days is totally cold and aloof. Today we had to work on something together and he completely blew me off and ignored me. My question to the group is how do I react to someone that is so hot and cold? I don't want him to think that he can get away with hitting on me so aggressively than ignore me the next. I realize I shouldn't invest so much time in thinking about this but when work suffers that's a problem. Call me a horrible person for ever letting this happen but I told him point blank that I didn't want anything to do with this relationship anymore. So what would you do when he's coming on strong and then acting like I don't exist? Psycho, personality disorder weirdo party of one your table is ready.

[Wondergirl]

Ignore him when he comes on strong, and ignore him when he ignores you. Maintain only a professional relationship with him, dealing with him only when you have to. And um no more texting, etc. on a personal level.

[Fr_Chuck]

I would say to stop it or the next text or message gets forwarded to his wife.

[JBeaucaire]

No one can stop you from stealing except you. The "feelings" you helped develop for him are stolen, stolen from his family, stolen from your plethora of other good choices you aren't making while you let this drama in instead.

So, cut it out. Not him, you. None of this is about him at all, no matter what you think, this is 100% about you.

Inappropriate flirting with married men is waste of life and waste of precious time. Of course it's fun, titillating, that's our immoral nature that loves a good adrenal rush.

Ignore it. You're a thinking creature capable of being in control. So be in control.

When he starts it, tell him to stop in a "not nice way" so he knows you're serious. Then walk away. Do that every time, in all inappropriate situations and you're the victor.

All else is stealing.