[jassusatish]

Iam in terrible dilemna.. I have recnetly been engaged to o guy searched out by my family.. I was given sufficient time to think about this guy . My fiancé is nice and gentle . Nonetheless , soon after my engagement , some of my colleagues proposed to me . We had known and liked each other for nine months , but neither of us gathered courage to speak to other . And by th time , this guy proposed to me , I was already engaged . Now , I am totally confused.. I love this guy and would love to marry him . Though I am engaged , I continue to see and have shared hugs also . Though we have been together only for a short while , but we love each other very much. Sometimes he cries for me , and sometimes its me . Iam surprised , when my marriage is just 3 months away and I am busy shopping for my marriage , I still continue to think about my colleague . I come from a traditional backgroud and I am surprised over my behaviour . On the one hand , I have my family and my fiancé who would be shattered if break up the enagement , while on the other hand , I have my life and boy of my choice whom I would always love to be called my husband... Somebody please advice!!

[answerme_tender]

In the end its you life, your choice! You are then one that will be living with your choice for rest of your life, so I would make sure it's the one. Marriage is hard enough with its ups and downs, but if there is no love to start the ball rolling its nothing but an up hill push.

If your marriage is only 3 months away, stop messing around with your fiance's feelings, you are a grown woman, give him the benefit of your honesty!! If you are thinking about another man all the time, you are already basically cheating on him emotionally anyway.

Make you choice and stick by it!

[mmresd]

In this situation everything is really up to do. Pick whatever choice will make you feel happier. You are in a position where you are about to sacrifice your happiness for that of your parents and other people, maybe it is time to be a little selfish and think about yourself.

Good Luck,

Javi

[Cat1864]

I know it is easy from a Western viewpoint to say it is your life, but the reality and culture you live in is very different than my own. I understand that if the matter isn't handled correctly things could get very bad for you and your colleague.

I think you need to stop seeing your colleague for anything other than work. Knowing how he feels and allowing those feelings to grow is only confusing you.

You need to be honest with your parents and your fiancé. Hopefully, he and his family will be understanding. Hopefully, so will your family. If they aren't, are you willing to walk away from everything you have known to be with this other man? Is he willing to take you? Is his family? Is he ready to go against his family if it comes to that?

Other considerations, is the colleague of your caste? Would your parents accept him as your husband?

[Cat1864]

jassusatish does not find this helpful : it seems you think india to be too outdated..

I only know what I read and learn from people in India asking questions and the research it leads me to do to answer their questions. I have come to learn that not everything is as 'modern' as some would want to believe especially when it comes to marriage.

I think IF you didn't think there would be problems or repercussions not just unhappy people, you wouldn't be here asking what to do. You would already have 'followed your heart' and made yourself happy.

You say that you are from a 'traditional' background. What does that mean to you?

I sincerely hope you will be very happy with the decision you make.

[Fr_Chuck]

Can you please tell us where you live, next would your life be in danger if you went against your parents wishes.

Is there any class or other issues with the boy you love.

Also how long have you known this other boy, have you dated or did anything other than be friends ( are you friends even )

In the west we can easy say to do what you want, but many don't realise it is not that easy in some cultures

[J_9]

Chuck, the OP lives in India according to the reddie given to Cat.