[willowwolff]

I found out recently that my boyfriend visited a brothel in Shinjuku before we dated. Prostitution culture is viewed a little differently here in Japan and it is legal, but honestly it shocked me because he IS NOT the kind of guy me or anyone that knows him believes would go to one. I can't picture him going into one of those places and picking a woman as easily as he selects a box of cereal from the grocery store. When he told me I didn't freak out on him about it, I let it go and didn't bring it up or ask questions, but now I feel like I do have a lot of questions and Im not sure if I should bring it up. I know he used a condom so Im not worried about that but I kind of want to know why he went, what he was thinking, and if he would consider doing something like that again. Do I have a right to ask these kind of questions? Im hurt even though it has nothing to do with me and it happened before we were dating. Im afraid if I tell him it bothers me he's going to feel bad about hurting me and feel like he's done something awful to me (because that's the kind of person he is. Caring and sometimes too considerate of other peoples feelings which is why I can't picture him picking out a random girl in a book just to satisfy an urge). I don't want to scare him from telling me things like that. Im really glad he feels comfortable enough with me to tell me something like that but then again Im not sure if sleeping with a whore in this country is as big of a deal as it is where Im from. Where Im from its not legal and in states where it is legal its still seen as a really bad thing. What should I do? I feel like its eating me but then Im not sure if I really have a right to dig into his past like that? If he brought it up in the first place is it OK to question him more about it? Should I just let it go and forget about it? It was in the past after all so I feel like Im being up tight and controlling/ paranoid. This is not something I would leave him over, our relationship is perfect but this is really unsettling. Im not even sure what I want. I don't want an apology although I know he will try to apologize if I tell him it hurts me. But I feel like I can't let it go. Its bothering me and I can't sleep or eat. I get really emotional when I think about it but it is really hard not to.

[Wondergirl]

Since it happened before you started dating him, I would let it go and bury your curiosity and even your disdain, if you can. Learning more details will only fan the fire of your hurt and upset.

People, especially males, like to try out stuff. That's why the Jackass show/movie and "big truck" races and reality shows go over well with males especially -- they can "do" all that reckless and crazy stuff vicariously and not get hurt.

Don't let this past incident destroy a very possibly good relationship with a wonderful guy.