[RobinBoston]

I was dumped by my long term girlfriend almost a year ago (I had a thread on here back when it happened). I have moved on and am living a new life on my own, with a new career, and I am still single and dating. In the past few months she has reached out to me, texting or emailing me infrequently. She has sent maybe 4 or 5 messages that I did not respond to at all. I felt that I do not need her as a friend in my life and have stuck to that decision. And in a weird way I get some pleasure out of her text messages.

This past weekend I was out a bar with some friends and happened to run into her. This was unexpected and the first time we saw each other in about 6 months. We had a chat for a few minutes and I went back to my friends. Later in the night I was with another girl and ended up making out with this other girl. I did not even know my ex was still there, but I noticed my ex saw this happen and she stormed out immediately after seeing it. I found out afterwards that she texted me before that asking if I wanted to hang out/talk more.

My question is why was I affected by this. All I ever wanted was for her to come crawling back and me deny her. This kind of happened, but it wasn't the feeling I expected. I kind of want to talk to her. But I know I should not and go back to my own life.

Thoughts?

[mystific]

It's been 12 months. She needs to let go. I commend you on your staying power of NC. Kudos, most may have crumbled by now.

I think most of us envision having that power of an ex to have them come grovelling back to you. You feel you were the best they were going to have and then he/she rejected me! Having that upper hand to turn it on them when they can't 'have this'. Our fantistical imagination (or perhaps just mine :) )however is our own corner of defense to make us feel better about ourselves, reality I believe is complete opposite. Because you know that person so intimately, you know that rejection and pain they'd feel, instead of the gloating feeling it feels like a hollow win and certainly nothing to /high five about.

I would leave it. What's done is done. How she feels in respect to seeing you with another woman, again.. not your concern. She dumped you right?

[youradvisor1]

You're in a good position of having moved on. Do not reach out to her or contact her in any way. It's not what you expected and you realize that now. You in no way have any obligation toward her. Besides if she broke your heart why risk going through that again. UGGHH I've learned from my past and would never allow that into my life again. Sounds like you're living life to the fullest and I congratulate you on that.

[awayandalone]

I'm sorry to hear your hurting from what happened when you saw her. But as someone who is currently going through a break up right now, only happened two months ago, it is uplifting to know that it is possible to push past the pain and start to enjoy life again. I am currently at the point of hoping my ex will come groveling back and she has only messaged me twice in our 2 months. Knowing the kind of person she was I doubt my hopes will happen but hopefully I can get past this point.
From my past relationships id say you are in a good position, continue with NC with her and you'll make it past this.

[Jake2008]

Time has a way of softening the sharp reality of losses. Relationships, deaths of loved ones, job loss, injury, illness, etc. When you recover from any personal loss, looking back, it sometimes seems to be not as bad.

Nature has a way of allowing us to heal, and in so doing, we can let go of the past, lick our wounds, and move forward with a little more seasoning. Every time you recover from a loss, you are a stronger person.

Remember instead, that the loss you lived through, had a finite result. That is 'The End'. There was a beginning, a middle, and an end to it.

Why would you want to re-live history, and face the future, with a person you knew well enough to let go of, in the first place.

Don't look back. You have the benefit of knowledge, experience, and maturity, which were some of the plusses of having gone through the painful experience of a relationship ending.

Take those plusses, and look to the future, and future relationships, without the baggage and history of the past.

It's just over. Nothing more to be done.

[gara]

Past is darkness , you have seen her alone and desperate and give you obvious sings to talk to you, so man you did your part good that you having good new life and you even make out with that girl on the bar , trust me going back again in the past won't do for you nothing , she will come back to you again , she is not done yet , you already got new life and new career going back to the past won't giving you a **** , stay where you are , and don't get blind by her text message, stay where you are.