[anna.art]

I'm 23 and have had a pretty bad run with men for most of my life - I'm ashamed to admit I've never been in a serious relationship and it pains me even more to say that I feel a lesser person for it. After some wild times last year, involving starting university all over again, going out, drinking, a tremendous amount of one night stands and all sorts, I started seeing a friend of a friend, one of the 'decent guys', an educated and terribly cool kind. We agreed that we wouldn't jump into a relationship and just see each other casually. I said I was fine with it although already at that point I knew I was secretly hoping it would turn into something more serious - looking back, my defence remains the fact that he said he "wouldn't rule out that option in the future". We started seeing more and more of each other and spending more quality time together - not only for sex anymore but going out, eating out, cinema etc. We decided, somewhat together, to go on holiday. After a few months of not being sure how I felt about him or whether there was a point in investing in this relationship, I finally felt happy and knew I cared about him dearly and wanted to be with him for a long time, I stopped going out and drinking and we both got quite stereotypically 'domesticated', choosing a dvd on a Friday night over a rave - and those were mutual decisions. I then, semi-casually asked whether we were a couple now that we've moved on so much from the early ****-buddy ways and he frowned and, over a few days that the breakup dragged on for, told me he couldn't take this relationship any further and that he was sorry for allowing it to develop like this and that he didn't want to hurt me anymore and it was over.
I feel like he's treated me in a patronizing way, like I was 15 and a clingy loser. And yes, I do realize that the fact I'm still crying over him and thinking I would take him back on the spot if he turned around and suggested going all the way back to the casual thing do, in fact, point (slightly) in that direction, I'm excusing myself by saying that we were in this thing together and I had rights to and I've been wronged.
I know the answer is all too obvious, I know I'm just putting myself out there to be told what all my friends have already told me and I know that it gets better with time but I feel so terribly inexperienced in this and I can't put aside that fear that tells me I might not be the 'serious relationship' type and all I'm good for is some fun. Oh, and I can't bring myself to hate him. I just can't make my peace with the fact he didn't want to be with me without deciding there must have been something wrong with me.
I'll look back on this in the future and be wiser, I know, but it's the darkest of time at the moment and any sort of help would be so greatly appreciated.

[Pequen]

I do not understand why do women feel as if they have to have sex to remain in a relationship. Obviously it isn't a guarantee and then women wonder why they feel low after the men dump them. Most guys your age aren't ready for marriage. They are just in a relationshp for the game. Two, you need to figure out exactly what you want and stick to it. Do you just want a date or do you want a serious relationship that leads to marriage? Once you establish what you want, then in the beginning of a relationship don't be afraid to state what exacctly it is that you are looking for. Your goals may not be his goal and to save yourself time and his, might as well establish what it is that you both are looking for. Also, it doesn't take a year to figure out if you are right for each other, it takes couple of dates. Go with your gut feeling, do not start making excuses for him or for yourself if you start to see that things are not what you expected. Also, make yourself be missed. Do not drop your friends to be hanging out with your boyfriend all the time. Do not answer his phone calls all the time either. You start to hang on to him and call him every minute or you answer the phone and you do what he wants to do all the time, yep, you will be regarded as clingy and that will only work for a while before he becomes bored with you. Keep the relationship fun. Go out and do things together, whether sports, movies or dancing. Do not become a homebody. And last but not least, keep yourself groomed.

[Wondergirl]

I don't get it. I've read over and over again on the Relationship and Dating boards that a male and female go from dating others to a more committed relationship when they no longer date others but prefer to spend time only with each other. And then the female says, "Are we a couple?" or "Are we in a committed relationship?" and all heck breaks loose.

Isn't it obvious that a committed relationship has developed? Why does she have to ask for confirmation and scare the poor guy into next Tuesday?

No female is the "only fun" type and not the "serious relationship" type unless she wants to be or allows herself to be. She is not a victim, but is the pilot of her own ship.

Now, how can she pilot her ship and not hit an iceberg?

[jude14]

Now is the time to change what relationship you had before. You have to think of yourself and start doing what is right and would be benefit you in the future specially when the right person comes in.