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dgilmou · Jan 4, 2007, 02:20 PM

Okay I have been with this guy for about a year and a half (since I was 15, Im now 16) and when we first got together my parents loved this guy! But then we broke up and I was very upset! I didn't want anything to do with him. But I seen him and talked to him and I realized I missed him and I want to be with him or at least be able to hang out, and he feels the same but, then there's my parents... they don't want me to see him or even be around him let alone date him again... they have told me they will take away my car, my cell phone and my computer and even kick me out of the house... but I really want to be able to see him. I understand that my parents are worried about me because I did lose my virginity to him and they don't want me to get pregnant. I understadn that but I still want to see him... will someone help me an guide me towards what I should do... should I just try to move on or try to fight it?. Either way its going to be hard... I just want my parents to understand how I feel but I can't seem to get the to understand...

Well Jesushelper76- we both broke it off we thought it was best because we were fighting way too much because we thought we spent too much time together. It wasn't a bad breack up we fought yes but who doesn't it's a human way. There was never any physical harm done to either of us.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 4, 2007, 02:35 PM

First question. Who broke it off? What happened? Then maybe I will be able to answer your question better.

acmis001 · Jan 4, 2007, 03:13 PM

Listen to your parents, as long as they have a decent head on their shoulders. They're usually right about these things. They see things about him that you don't and they see things about you two as a couple that you don't. Besides, you are young, make the best of it.

talaniman · Jan 4, 2007, 03:43 PM

You may not believe this but your parents are doing the best they can to keep you out of trouble. By your own words they give you a lot of stuff that others don't have so they do love you. You lost your virginity to this guy so of course the next step is you getting pregnant and dropping out of school and all sort of bad stuff. As a parent I would be scared too and as a father me and my shotgun would be outside your nailed up bedroom door.(I have a daughter and raised 4 neices ages 23-30 and have a shotgun) Understand that, and appreciate the fact you are loved and protected from the worst of life, and yourself. Listen to them and be glad for them being their for you. Or give up all your nice stuff, and move in with him. Your choice.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 4, 2007, 03:57 PM

Materialistic things do not equal greater love from parents. Honestly there are parents that are wrong as well. It is a choice. It is your choice and your choice alone what you do. You have had some great advice here.

Joe

Fr_Chuck · Jan 4, 2007, 05:39 PM

At your age, you are obligated to listen to your parents, stay friends with him, and perhaps with some time your parents will change their minds, if he also cares for you he would wait

Also you did not say the age of the boy, that often makes a differce to the parent

J_9 · Jan 4, 2007, 06:04 PM

You aren't going to like what I say, and I may get some bad rep for this, but I am a mother of 4 kids, all the way from 20 down to 4 years of age.

They are your parents, while you live under their roof you do what they say. See this sounds harsh, and maybe it is, but we have been 16 before too. Whether you believe it or not is your choice, but we REALLY have been where you are.

As parents we make rules for a reason. Sometimes the reason does not make sense to our children, but it will in time.

Your parents are probably either trying to shelter you from the pain (that is not always good since we learn from painful experiences) or maybe they have seen or sensed something that at your tender age you cannot understand. Maybe they see a control freak, or something worse in him, but at this stage in your life you have to trust their judgements. Although that is not quite fair, they should trust yours too. How can you learn if you don't experience right?

I venture to say that they are at least 15 years older than you, which gives them at least 15 years of experience on their belts that you have not yet acquired.

Are they being unreasonable? Maybe, we don't know the whole situation, we only heard your side of the story, and there are always at least two, maybe 3 sides.

However, if you want what you want, then I suggest the adult approach. Agree with what they say, do what they want. Be a mature woman and follow their advice. In time they may come around, but if you act like a spoiled brat (and I am in no way saying you are) they are going to dig their heels in.

This is just advice coming from a parent of 3 teenagers.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 4, 2007, 06:29 PM

At the same time. Parents need to let there children make their own mistakes. Not force ultimatums and fears on them, because this does not work eighter. This kind of parenting actually can push kids farther away from their parents and possibly push them right into the arms of people they did not want for their daughter. It has to be her own choice without any pressure from her parents.

Joe

s_cianci · Jan 4, 2007, 07:50 PM

I'd like to know just what caused your parents' change of heart. Was it because of you losing your virginity to him at age 16 or some other issue? You really need to communicate with your parents and come to an understanding with them as to why they're opposed to this guy. There reasons may or may not be valid ; it's hard to say without knowing a little more background.

chuff · Jan 4, 2007, 10:53 PM

Short answer is until you hit 18 or move out of the house you belong to your parents.

Long answer is, and I'm not sure if we have all the info here because you don't really say anything that stands out as a red flag as far as this guy goes. So I'm wondering if your holding something back, what do your parents say that were not getting? If he's a genuine good guy the only other suggestion I would make is to ask your parents if he can come over to your place when they are there.

chuff · Jan 4, 2007, 11:01 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

As a parent I would be scared too and as a father me and my shotgun would be outside your nailed up bedroom door.(I have a daughter and raised 4 neices ages 23-30 and have a shotgun)

If I ever have kids that is exactly the kind of father I want to be.

JoeCanada76 · Jan 4, 2007, 11:08 PM

I am happy that we had a son first. That way whenever we get pregnant again. If we have a girl. Then there will be a big brother and the father to protect her.

Joe

momincali · Jan 4, 2007, 11:19 PM

J9 is absolutely right. You don't have to like what your parents say, you just have to accept it. At least until you are a responsible, self-sufficient 18 year old living under your own roof. Then you can date any darn person you want. You don't even need to understand why they don't want it, you just need to trust them and do as they say.

Be thankful, there are a lot of kids out there who have parents that will let them do any thing they want. Why? Cause they want to be their friend (they don't need more friends, they need parents). They don't want their child to be angry with them. They want to be "cool" parents. And frankly, they don't want the headache of a nagging, begging kid and will give in to anything just to get them out of their hair. I think that that is the most irresponsible and unloving thing a parent can do.

Consider yourself truly loved.

And Tal, my husband frequently polishes his .45 ACP (automatic colt pistol) while I sharpen my very intimidating Bunmei Culinary Japanese knives whenever my daughter's boyfriend comes over!

J_9 · Jan 5, 2007, 05:00 AM

You are right Joe, that is why I had thise sentence in my answer

Your parents are probably either trying to shelter you from the pain (that is not always good since we learn from painful experiences

Megg · Jan 12, 2007, 10:13 PM

I've been there and done that, my parent's didn't like my boyfriend's either. The right thing or wrong thing, I went against them. Weither it be right or wrong, I may have done the wrong thing. But sometime's parent's are wrong as well as kid's. Were all human. Give it time. Maybe they'll get over it. If not your stuck less you ignore what they say. Personlay I think it's wrong to tell a person even if they are your kid whom and whom not to see. It is your life and id guess that someone's grandparent's might have not liked one our parent's. Thus is life, parent's think they know what is best. Kid's think the know everything and what's best. I guess you just got to stick it out, but if you really care for him a lot and you think its worth it, be with him. Everyone has a right to be there own person. But that's just my opinion. Good luck :-)