Check out some similar questions!

jfrost08 · Nov 4, 2010, 08:55 PM

Hello all, I recently attended my fiancee's Catholic church, my first time at a Catholic church; it was different from what I have been raised in. I have been raised in a Christian church all my life, where we strongly believe in a personal relationship with God, and where we don't pray to Mary or any Saints at all.

I had already decided when we get married we can attend her church some out of her respect for her upbringing; out of my own conscience I decided I would attend my own every other week, hoping to bring her with me. We took a test with her church to determine if we were ready for marriage; we had the highest score they had seen there, but we had one main area of disagreement; what way we would raise our children religiously.

My fiancée has only recently started going to church again, where as I have gone to mine on a consistent basis all my life. However she is from what I saw dead set on raising any children we have as Catholics, and on us attending her church. The priest who gave us our results could see we had not discussed this, and didn' push this as he didn't want to cause troubles.

I haven't confronted her about it, but I know I can't just hold this in for long; the religious upbringing of our children is of significant importance. When we first met the prest and filled the paperwork, she signed one section stating she would do what she could in her conscience to raise her children Catholic. I realized after attending her Mass and seeing how different our churches are, that on my conscience I feel bound to do what I can to raise my children with the religious upbringing I received.

We have never disagreed on anything, and I see this as the first one coming up; can anyone give me advice?

Josh

joypulv · Nov 5, 2010, 02:34 AM

I admire you both for waiting until all your concerns about marriage and child rearing are resolved.
I do realize that your churches are different, but you need to know that the Roman Catholic Church is Christian, as are all the Protestant denominations such as Congregational, Episcopal, Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, etc. many non-denominational churches, and many 'fundamentalist' ones that yours sounds like it might be. As long as a church believes in Jesus as Christ, it is Christian.
All this may or may not help with your differences, but her priest sounds like an understanding person, and perhaps you could both go have more talks with him together about all this. You could also go talk to your minister/pastor, perhaps alone at first and together second. If your fiancée won't go and is adamant about no compromise on all this, you will simply have to take the next step yourself and decide if you can give up your religion or her.

dwashbur · Nov 5, 2010, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I admire you both for waiting til all your concerns about marriage and child rearing are resolved.
I do realize that your churches are different, but you need to know that the Roman Catholic Church is Christian, as are all the Protestant denominations such as Congregational, Episcopal, Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, etc., many non-denominational churches, and many 'fundamentalist' ones that yours sounds like it might be. As long as a church believes in Jesus as Christ, it is Christian.
All this may or may not help with your differences, but her priest sounds like an understanding person, and perhaps you could both go have more talks with him together about all this. You could also go talk to your minister/pastor, perhaps alone at first and together second. If your fiancee won't go and is adamant about no compromise on all this, you will simply have to take the next step yourself and decide if you can give up your religion or her.

One thing to keep in mind, though, is that the Catholic church's official position is that they are THE Christian church, the only true church, and if you're not one of them you are not in "full fellowship" with the Christian community that Jesus established. I'm not going to start a debate about the merits of that view, you just need to be aware of it. So even if your fiancé agrees to raise the kids in your church, she, and probably you as well, can expect to be hassled to some extent about it. If her Catholicism is that important to her, it's GOING to be come a bone of contention between you, so it's good that you're getting it out in the open now.

This scenario is one of the big reasons it's so important to know, not just what you believe, but why you believe it.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 5, 2010, 12:04 PM

First please understand that from one visit ( thought your spouse would have corrected you) the catholic church is christian, in fact the first and largest denomination of the christian church.

Next while not a argument for this post, they do not pray to Mary or the Saints but merely ask them to intercede to Jesus for them.

And I am sure she may want to also teach the children her faith and beliefs, Normally unless you belong to one of the fringe groups that do not accept the Catholic Church as Christian there should be no real problem letting the children learn both

dwashbur · Nov 7, 2010, 12:34 PM

It would help to know what denomination your church is, and what their attitude toward Catholicism is.

ebaines · Nov 8, 2010, 10:38 AM

It's of course difficult for anyone trying to give you advice here to really be able to understand the nuances of your relationship, but I would offer this:

First, to support what the other have said - the Roman Catholic Church is of course the largest Christian denomination in the world. So please be at ease that it is indeed Christian.

Second - yes, it's practices are different from what you are used to. Whether they are different enough in your view to make those pactices invalid is something you'll have to think through. If you think about what the fundamental things are you would want your children to learn froim church, is it really all that much different? I am a believer that all legitimate christian churches are 90% alike, and that the last 10% that comprises the differences is not worth losing your family over.

Third, from a practical matter - and hoping not to sound too sexist here - in my experience it is usually the mother who is the ultimate influence on the child's upbringing. If the mother doesn't support something, it won't happen. So if your fiancé is set on raising her children as Roman Catholic, that's what's going to happen.

And lastly - keep in mind that as adults we are all free to join whatever church we'd like. So if your children are raised as Roman Catholics, and you continue to attend your church, it's quite possible that when they reach an appropriate age they will want to come see what their Dad's church is all about. I can tell you that our church has many former Roman Catholic members.

benniebeth · Nov 12, 2010, 11:40 PM

Josh,

I was in your shoes 17 years ago. My wife was Catholic. WAS... We both went to each others churches and as you most likely know by now the differences are very substantial. If your conscience is working on you, consider that it most likely is God speaking to your heart my friend. You know what is right in the eyes of the Lord. I have read a few of the other posts and although everyone seems to say that Catholics are Christians and its all going to be fine, I would have to disagree. Its very easy to be influenced by simply a statement such as this as of course you love this woman, as do I my wife now even after these years. I got into the hardcore if you will, doctrine of the catholic church and the core beliefs are most likely not even truly understood by most practicing catholics who attend service all of their lives on a regular basis. If you were as I, you see repetition week after week, a lot of ritualism, the priest says a few things and everyone responds as if they were zombies. Its been like that for them since they were children. Its not their fault but just as you said of your fiancée they wanted her to sign paperwork that the children would be raised this way. Would the church you go to ask of that? No, of course not. Josh, it's a man made religion that changes like the soup of the day. Now its accepted to have homosexual priests. Didn't used to be but times change as should the catholic beliefs aye... Satan is a deceiver of so many people my friend. Any way that we can be lead from the one true God through any avenue, Satan will try to do it ! Don't "Sign" your children away with such ease to such a cause. I asked my wife question after question that she really had no answer to. She would respond with, well I don't really believe that ! And I don't believe this (speaking of the catholic doctrines). I simply said, I love you and if you don't believe these things or won't practice them, then why would you insist on following a religion that has these core beliefs? Her family got involved and couldn't answer many things and referred her to the priest.

The signs are here for us to see that the tribulation period is very close. We know that just before that, Jesus will come back to take the saved people to heaven. I pray that your wife to be will understand that God is a jealous God and wants no other Gods, Mary, Saints etc... to be worshiped. Only him. I pray that she goes to a non catholic church with you and gets excited about it. If she does, the holy spirit will surely overcome her and she will be saved by knowing that Jesus and only Jesus died for her. God gave is son... Not Mary, for our sins that we may know him. I pray that anyone who reads this who may be catholic will understand that you truly can't follow the catholic doctrine and be a saved Christian and live forever in heaven.

Dear Lord thank you for Josh and his posting. Thank you for placing a burden on his heart that he may do and say the right things lord to his wife to be to bring her closer to you and your glory. I pray for her Lord that you touch her in a way that only you can do. Fill her with your spirit and joy that she may know only you God and obey you and trust in you. Lord I thank you for my wife Beth and our children. Lord thank you for touching my children and bringing them into your kingdom. Lord give me wisdom to teach them that you are a God of love that commands obedience. I pray that you dwell in the lives of Josh and his family.
In Jesus Christ name I pray
Amen

benniebeth · Nov 12, 2010, 11:51 PM

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. "Roman Catholic Church is the largest in the world so please be at ease...that it is indeed Christian".

benniebeth · Nov 12, 2010, 11:53 PM

"Yes," it really is all that much different... Its better to lose your family then to lose your eternal life in Heaven.

benniebeth · Nov 12, 2010, 11:58 PM

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Cor 11:3 " Mothers influence is the ultimate influence..."

benniebeth · Nov 13, 2010, 12:03 AM

Lastly, It's the mans responsibility to lead his family. Children are easily influenced It is the fathers responsibility from God for that influence. Don't think you can "Wait" and hope that they will want to see what your church is all about.

jfrost08 · Nov 13, 2010, 05:12 PM

Baptist is the denomination, of a Pentecostal congregation.

jfrost08 · Nov 13, 2010, 05:14 PM

I thank everyone for their insight, but this answer connected to me. Everything you said there was what was on my mind and how I felt. I thank you for your prayer as it was encouraging to me.

Wondergirl · Nov 13, 2010, 05:22 PM

Baptist is the denomination, of a Pentecostal congregation.

My son joined such a church last year -- speaking in tongues, immersion baptism, laying on of hands and healing services, anointing with oil, praise services with arms upraised and waving, being slain in the Spirit, and so on. As as life-long Lutheran, I'm uncomfortable with that style of worship and faith, but I know it's Christian with a different manner of expression.

RustyFairmount · Nov 13, 2010, 06:46 PM

A question: Were you married in the Catholic Church? If so, you and your wife are required to raise your children in the Catholic faith based on the vows you took. In the Catholic wedding ceremony, the couple is asked three questions, one of which is: "Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"

If you weren't married in the Catholic church, the marriage (from a strictly Catholic point of view) was a legal proceeding and may not be a Sacramental marriage. I would suggest asking your respective clergy, and even tune into Catholic Radio. There's a great program on in the evenings 6p-8p Eastern. It's called Catholic Answers Live, and the host frequently has guests who are experts in Cannon law. They can help you both understand your options and what you should do.

Cambrandy · Mar 1, 2012, 09:45 PM

I am about to get marry in August. I am catholic and my fiancé is christian. I have been going to the catholic church since I Was a kid, everyone in my family is mostly catholic. But lately I have been going to christian church. I go to both masses.I like both of the church And to find out that I am catholic I am not allow to have my wedding outside, and suppose to have it at the catholic church. I am afraid of them asking me to promise to raise my children catholic. But we have agree to baptize our kid christian and when the child gets older, they can choose what they want. I have agree to get marry in the christain church. Yet I feel like I am not doing what the catholic church wants me to do. And that my family would be disapointed in my but I have to go with my gut feeling. I don't understand is okay for a christain to get marry in catholic church because his fiancé is catholic. Yet its not okay for a catholic to get marry in the christian church. I don't think that is fair, and it makes me question about my religion

Wondergirl · Mar 1, 2012, 11:42 PM

Originally Posted by Cambrandy

its not okay for a catholic to get marry in the christian church

Catholic IS Christian.

What Protestant (?) church body does your fiancé belong to?

maluch · Apr 14, 2012, 05:32 PM

If I were you, I would raise my child as both Christian and Catholic, who said you cannot attend Christian mass one Sunday and Catholic the other.

benniebeth I would like to reply to your post.
I am Roman Catholic. My friends are Christian. Every person on this earth is a child of God, He loves us no matter how we were brought up. The best example would be: Jesus Christ, he was born as a Jew! I think that gives us some answers in this area!
Pope John Paul II encouraged cooperation of different religions! God tells us to love and respect each other.
As Catholic I do pray to Holly Marry (Stay open-minded, it's just wording ), my prayer is me asking Her to help me get closer to God. Catholics do NOT make Marry and Saints – Gods. We do know that there is only one God. We ask them to pray for us to our one and only God.
When I feel bad I ask Marry to pray for me to God... I ask her for help, like Christians and Catholics ask their moms, dads, priests to pray for them to God. Catholics in our prayers: we ask Marry to pray for us, and she does. She is the Mother of Jesus, thus she is very close to Her Son, think about Mother - Child relationship, so why not asking Her for help getting closer to Jesus and respect her. Catholics and Christians are not different! We have slightly different ways of worshiping our Lord in heaven.
Try asking Marry for help getting closer to Jesus and through him to God, it won't hurt! People also talk about Catholics repeating over and over the same lines, but does it really matter the way we pray, as long as we pray in our own unique way, God understands!

maluch · Apr 14, 2012, 08:48 PM

Please don't say that only Christians will go to heaven, as you said: "catholic will understand that you truly can't follow the catholic doctrine and be a saved Christian and live forever in heaven"

I disagree, I know how great is God's love to us, I did feel it on my own skin, the feeling of overwhelming happiness and joy, his great, unconditional love. God gave me a new life, now I'm in a process of giving my life to him, I can't stop thinking about Him in every minute of my life! And I am a Catholic!

A few days back, I would feel nervous, just had one of those moments when I felt irritated, it seemed like I couldn't reconnect with my Lord, I sat down in Catholic Church and I'd turned to Marry asking her to pray for me to her Son, to help me reconnect with him, and after one minute I felt peaceful and happy, she did help.

I truly believe that neither Catholic, Christian, Protestant... Hindu, Muslim, we all can meet our Lord in heaven, if we do as he says. I know many Hindu's that live as God intended, as he says. One of them attends Catholic Church, other Christian Church.