[mell276]

I've been with my significant other for some years. We were an already made family when we met. I was a single mother and struggling to do it. I walked into the relationship with three children - all boys, and he walked in with one son. We now have a daughter together. We didn't date long. A few months maybe. Then we moved in together. He has helped me through a great deal of trials and tribulations and has been my guardian angel. I love him with all my heart and will be forever grateful for what he has done for me and my kids. He is a wonderful father to his kids and mine. There is no distinction as to whose kids are whose. He is a great provider. And for the most part he is a wonderful "husband", even though we don't have that paper. We can talk about anything and everything. He is the complete opposite of me. I am very jealous, but not because I think he will cheat. I don't want other females to know what I have. We have a lot of problems with his side of the family or my side of the family. So outside of who actually resides in our house, we don't have strong family ties. I started saying recently that I want to get married. I don't want a big wedding. We don't have a lot of family that I would like to share that day with. It doesn't have to be expensive at all. I just want the next chapter in my life to begin. He said he's not ready, but when he is I will be the one. We live together like we are already. He says he know I'm the one, and he's not sure why he's scared, but he is. I know he actually was looking at rings a few weeks back. He calls me his princess, and he was looking at princess cut rings. Last week he went to a strip-club. I don't know why I hate those places so much, but I do. I told him that and he said he's not going to stop and if I fight with him over it, he will leave. He said he's feeling "rebellious" and that he doesn't want to feel "married". He has gone maybe two or three times in the time we have been together. He has in the past done things on the internet. These things have always bothered me. He said if I truly felt violated by this I would have packed him up and sent him on his way. He likes to look at nude females. He doesn't like magazines or porn. He says it's not sexual. He says he just like to look. Should I let him have his freedom? Should I stay even though this hurts? Did he just now get cold feet? Is this normal? Will I ever be enough for him? I am so torn. :confused: :confused: :confused:

[Wildcat21]

Well - something isn't right here.

PLUS - he already has you - why the hell does have to marry?

What's the old saying - why buy the cow when you already have the milk?

There are massive trust issues between the two of you. Without trust you do not have a relationship.

He doesn't respect you at all.

No trust, no respect - no relationship.

All I can say is if he makes you feel jealous and bad then HE ISN'T THIS GREAT GUY YOU SAY HE IS. He is manilpulating you, controlling you. He's kind of a jerk to me. He actually loved you he would have no problems marrying you.

" He said if I truly felt violated by this I would have packed him up and sent him on his way. " - that your answer. I would have left a while ago. He knows you won't - I doubt you will either.

You will never marry this guy until you show a spine - have some self esteem and move on wit hyour life.

Quite honestly I think he is a jerk! AND kind of a creep with the porn.

Quite frankly you don't have it so great.

[talaniman]

Hi mell, Seems to me everything was great until the dreaded "M" word. He doesn't want to be married and you do and you both intend to get your way. Stop the game playing and communicate more. Surely you both know how the other feels and I suspect he is terrified of changing what he has, to move to the next level. Is this a dealbreaker? Maybe and it has been known to break people up. You already knew how he was before so to point out his habits that you don't like now is not relevant, nor do I believe you to be the injured innocent party here either. Keep talking, and you both need to stop poking blame and starting fights, Not productive. He is not ready, you are. That's the only issue Talk about it.

[JoeCanada76]

Everybody is ready at different times. To fight over this is not productive as tal pointed out. Communication is the key and both of you talking about each others feelings, fears are very important. You can not force somebody to take the next step. That will just push them away further. I do not think this guy is a jerk at all, as Wildcat would have him out to be. At the same time what you need to remember is that HE IS WITH YOU. Do you feel that he is committed to you and your family? Do you feel committed to him and his family?

When I say family I mean his kids, your kids and you two together. It does not matter what family support you have on the outside, believe I personally, my wife personally does not have that eighter. What matters is the two of you and the children. If one day you do get married involve the kids. That is all you need in my opinion.

Joe

[Wildcat21]

But is he REALLY with her. Physically yes. He does a few things I wuldn't trust quite frankly and she doesn't.