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cmitche · Nov 1, 2010, 07:03 PM

I'm Chris and I'm 35 yrs old. I have an 11 yr old daughter I never met and I'm pretty sure she does not know I exist. I started dating her mother back in late 98. We dated for about a month but we both ended up going our separate ways. I didn't find out till about a month after we dated that she was pregnant and that she had gotten beck together with her boyfriend. I tried calling her shortly after I had found out but no answer. After a while I thought that if the baby was mine then she would try to get in touch with me but she never did. I did try to get on with my life but that was always in the back of my mind. Finally I couldn't take it any more and wrote her back in 02'. By this time she had married her boyfriend that she had gotten back together with after we had dated and the little girl was 2. She told me that she was releaved to tell me that she wasn't mine. I felt so much better after that, not because I was off the hook but because I wanted to take responsibility if she was indeed mine. So after that I got on with my life.

Then about 2 years ago, I ran into her brother and he told me that that little girl was indeed mine. I had known him for about sixteen years and I believed that we would tell me the truth. I really didn't know what to think after that. I hadn't talked her in such a long time and that if the little girl was mine, she had grown up thinking that this other guy was her father. I had to find out though. After some digging I found I picture of the little girl in a school yearbook. I couldn't believe my eyes, Just by looking at her I could tell she was mine. I felt so betrayed. I was very angry and I ended up filing a paternaty suit against the mother but ended up losing because of a 2 yr. statute of limitation law. It has been almost 2 yrs since and this little girl, now 11, is always on my mind. I want to be able to get to know her and I think she deserves to have the choice to either except me in her life or not. He mother seems very determed to keep that from happening though. I guess I could really use your advice. Do try to contact my daughter or do I let her go on believing that this other guys is her dad?

Fr_Chuck · Nov 1, 2010, 07:14 PM

NO you do not know she is yours, looks really prove nothing, if I held up the photos of my five boys, you would pick the one that looked ( and actually acts) more like me,

Guess what he would be the one adopted not related by blood at all. So if you think the child is yours, you file in court and ask for a DNA test first before anything is told to the child.

You only think or believe, and have no proof
Also you have no right to contact a minor child on this.

Any contact is to be with the mother.

cmitche · Nov 1, 2010, 07:27 PM

Thanks for you feedback. I believe you gave me the answer I was looking for. As far as for you or me to decide whether she is mine is not up to us but only God. If God chooses for her to be a part of my life than it will happen and if not than it's for the best. As far as me being able to tell whether she is mine or not, that is merely your opinion. Nothing more. I believe she is mine and like I said If it is meant to be it will be. Thanks for your time.

ScottGem · Nov 1, 2010, 07:41 PM

From a legal standpoint, you have NO connection to this child. The laws that govern have told you that its too late to get a court ordered paternity test and the mother can refuse to provide a sample.

If you try to contact the child without the mother's permission you can get into big trouble.

So you have only one choice. You wait until she is 18 then contact her and see if she wants to talk to you.

cmitche · Nov 1, 2010, 07:45 PM

Thanks. I should have been more specific. If I were to contact her it wouldn't be until she was an adult. If it is meant to be God will make it happen.

Ribena008 · Nov 11, 2010, 10:50 AM

I would try and get the address and confront the mother and ask for a DNA test then if she is yours tell her it's not fair on the child to not know her Father

looking4others · Nov 15, 2010, 05:16 PM

I'm so glad you're looking to connect with her! Fathers are so important. I found out I had a different biological dad when I was 26. Both my bio-dad and the one who raised me are great guys, but I wish I'd known sooner. I'm with the others on the dna test. If you need any support on the "what next" once you meet her, visit www.mydnadad.com. I found there isn't a lot out there (in one place) for people like your daughter (and myself) who will learn of an entirely new reality when they meet you. I wish my mom had more support guiding her to tell me sooner.