[madamedane]

We have been in a relationship since 5 months. He hates the word dating. The problem with him is that He's so scared of losing me that he wants to marry me and brings on that topic like almost every single day. He's 24!! Everybody Knows he's mad about me. He has never abused me, He tells me I'm the most beautiful girl. He openly tells me that he is very insecure about me. But the problem here is that since the day we were together we have fights at least 3 times a week, which is'nt healthy in a relationship at all. He has no problem with me talking to guys and going out but I have to tell him with who I have been with.When we fight he brings out all my past and is extremely mean, but has never abused me. Initially he use to beg me to take him back now when I don't bother, He tells me he's leaving me but the next day he calls me and apologizes. He almost lost his job once because of our fight. He just walked out of office and stood outside my house I told him to go home and then he told me it didn't matter whether I was down or not as long as I knew that he was down for me. I once told him he wasn't paying attention to me anymore and he told me he'll quit his job. At one point of time I told him it was over, He sat outside my home the entire night, and around midnight he told me he was down I told him I couldn't come out because my dad was awake he said it was fine! In fact when I'm suppose to be home early he makes sure I'm back home. He tells me that if he doesn't marry me he will not marry anyone else & that my body belongs to him only and if anyone touches me he will not spare that person. He tells me if I'm not happy with him its absolutely fine he will go away from my life if that will keep me happy, but sometimes he's so contradictory that I should not marry anyone else, At one point of time I got mad at him for putting up some pictures of us on Facebook that I called him and told him to delete some of the pictures because I didn't like what one of his girl-friends posted , HE immediately went online and deleted his profile, he told me that since it made me unhappy he deleted it. And that he wanted my happiness only, but when he gets really mad at me, he sometimes says some real nasty stuff like "don't worry ill throw u back at ur place because i don't want u either" and sometimes he tells me "Fine u don't want to be with me its ok, i'm gonna speak to ur father and we shall get married" I sometimes feel he's crazy. One time I told him I'm going out with a friend and I didn't meet him for a week he said that's absolutely fine, and when he had the next fight He started saying that I'm more interested in meeting my friends than him. Another incident is when he bought me this new phone, he wanted to give it to me before office I told him it was rainin and I couldn't walk up to his office I would stand near a store, so he walked in the rain and gave it to me , he was in a foul mood already and I told him I'll stay with him for 5 minutes, he said it wasn't necessary and he hailed a cab and sent me home while he went to office all drenched and after that I forgot to call him and when he called me it was on wait, next day he started saying that I didn't even have the courtesy to find out whether he reached office safely or not. Did I do something wrong here? And one more important incident I was having my monthly, and for 3 days I blasted the hell out of him he kept quiet.. on the 4th day he shouted at me saying that he was a human being and 3 days is only so much a guy can take, he told me that since he knew I was in my month he didn't want to hurt me, and he told me if I wasn't happy with him he would leave me, but the next day he begged me to take him back. Is something wrong with me or him, Should I stick with him , HELP! I'm thoroughly confused I asked him once why was he so keen on this marriage thing and he was like that's the only way I know you will not leave me because its so sacred and the reason why is because he wants to pamper me like a small child. I really don't know what to do Please help me ASAP

[slapshot_oi]

Lol, well you sure have a lot of concrete evidence to make your case of his insanity.

Definitely don't stay with this chump. In less than five months, he's a lunatic? Imagine what married life would be like.

[talaniman]

And what part of this sad tale is rational and healthy?? Dump him and keep him dumped and watch out for this psycho. He is truly dangerous, and you must be truly DESPERATE!!

[madamedane]

I ain't angry or anything but I'm not desperate!! Its just that if I leave him, he'll forever stalk me!!
And can you please explain in what way am I desperate

[madamedane]

:-) Thanks for the advice , but I really don't know how to get ri of him. Its highly impossible for me to tell him that I don't want to be with him,

[madamedane]

@ talaniman, hmmm okay got that u meant desperate yeah I am so desperate for him to like leave me and come back to his senses

[cozyk]

VERY VOLATILE and unbalanced. Get away from him as soon as possible. He has a lot of growing up to do. Get a restraining order. He is dangerous.

[talaniman]

You need to rally your support, (dad, family, cops, anyone you can think of), around you, and tell him to leave you alone, and if he doesn't have him arrested!! Or just live in fear!

[pandead]

I don't think he is crazy. I just think he is very passionate, also desperate. He has an incredibly low self esteem, too. Not a good combination.

You aren't crazy either. You liked the attention but now it's getting weird and confusing because he is expecting you to be into him like he is into you : be just as miserable. On top of it all, he thinks by marrying you he will end his misery because then you will "belong" to him and he won't be jealous anymore.

You both are just living in a dream world. If it can make you feel better, him more than you - since you are questionning the relationship and he isn't.

Yes, he probably WILL stalk you, cry and sit outside your house, maybe blame other people for you leaving him, cry more, beg, or threaten you. Maybe he will look fine for a while then come back begging again, or punch your next boyfriend, since you were supposed to belong to him...

I'd say just disappear from his life. My psycho ex is still leaving me messages in the middle of the night and I'm still not answering them, they give up eventually. I wish you good luck with all my heart.

[slapshot_oi]

Pandead, I made that comment because I consider myself passionate, but I'd never do the things this weirdo does.

And like pandead said, just disappear. Don't tell him your leaving and definitely don't tell him where. And like talinman said, rally a support group. Tell everyone you know your leaving him so they can be prepared when he blows a gasket.

[Enigma1999]

I do have a question for you. Are you turned on by this behavior?

It almost seems as if you are, with all do respect.

There is a big difference between passion and just flat out crazy.

He seems, to me any way, to act a little crazy, just by the description you gave us.

I think I would throw in the towel here. Can you imagine what or how it would be when you are married to this man.

He wants to have complete control over you, which to me sounds like a big turn on for him.

Think about the advice you got, as I believe everyone on here can see red flags.

[pandead]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he is a perfeclty balanced individual. But before we all yell "restraining order" maybe we can at least try to understand why...

I still remember sitting outside an ex-boyfriend's house and waiting for him to come talk to me. It was raining, I got sick. I was in high school and I thought it was what romance meant back in time (let's not laugh)...

What I'm trying to say is, maybe it's what he thinks love is. He's making you feel guilty for the slightest comment you make, trying so hard to hold on to it he thinks by marrying you everything would be solved. He's miserable and he probably won't stop until he makes you as miserable as he is. You will have to deal with his insecurities and wait for him to grow up; and he has a lot of work to do, if it ever happens.
The guy is in excess, in every way. When things are good he will smother you with affection and when he's mad he treats you like crap. You shouldn't have to put up with this. He should.

If there's one thing I learned from my past relationships; you can't "fix" people. You can be there for them, you can listen and try to help them but you can't just solve their problems, they have to do it themselves. You deserve someone who will let you live like you want to and if you're lucky, you'll be married to someone who can keep that balance - where you work as a team to be there for each other, to make each other happy. I'd say be ready for a hard time dealing with his hurt ego, leave him and find someone more mature. Good luck.