[jab9487]

I was sent to jail for 30 day for a DUI and when I was in there I was talking with a friend when another man over heard who I was he punch me threw the gate and I had no idea who he was. Turns out he was an old friend before I met my wife and has recently moved back in town. He wrote me this sick letter saying he loves my wife and kids more than me and he has been stalking me and wanting to rob me while watching me from the train tracks and he will be welcome in my home as a friend of the family.Of coarse I was mad some random man hits me and nows my home address of only two years and my wife say she hasn't talked with him in 5 years. Anyway I let it go and said just don't talk with that pscho! I have been married for almost 4 years now with 3 children and never once thought anything or even accused her of anything. I found out from a phone bill that she had tried to make disappear and I wanted to know why it was so expensive so I made her eventually give it to me she went over her allowed minutes show it shows the overage calls only and it happened to show a number multiple times a day for about 4 days. She broke down crying and said she was only talking with him on the phone and they are only friends. She called him every chance she got when not around me and instead of he female friends for about a month and a half until I caught her. I just don't believe that she would risk everything with me for just friends when I made it clear I would not have that psycho around me or my children and for her to out of respect not talk with this one man only because of the prior circumstances. I am not a jealous person I just feel as though they think I am an idiot.

please give me some advise don't know what to do and during the month and a half there was little sex and little affection at all shown to me. Two days after I found out had called her with his number from a prank application on my phone while she went to rent a movie and wanted to see if she would #1 pick up or if #2 she would try and hide that he called again since she swore it would never happen again and she was wrong for hidding it. Well it turns out she deleted the phone # from her phone when she got home and I just asked if she talked with anyone while she was out or if anyone called her and she said NO why are you asking. I was wrong for playing that trick but it turns out she lied to me again and would still hide contact with him from me. What am I supposed to do?

[joypulv]

It isn't easy when a spouse or lover says that someone from their past is 'just a friend' and yet keeps up a steady communication. Rather than being confrontational and spying on her, try expressing a softer kind of hurt. You should hurt! She may be intrigued not so much by anything about him but by his weird attentiveness and eagerness. That can be very attractive - for a while. But as her husband you have a right to ask her to tell you what is going on. See if you can find out in a more gentle way, but I would say that it's also OK to ask her if she is willing to risk losing you over this guy. Be sure that you mean that though if you choose to say it.

[talaniman]

You know guy, I tried a few times to come up with an easier softer way to tell your wife how you feel, but it just didn't work. So I guess the old fashion way is the best, and so just go with the honest truth, you were not satisfied with her answer, and wanted to prove, or disprove your suspicions of talking with your enemy, and now you know the truth! She kept talking to him, and lied about it.

But then I re read your post, and you say she lied about getting a call from him (you), and that in itself proves NOTHING, as she may have just been avoiding a fight, knowing how you felt, or possibly and more likely, knew it was YOU.

You better confess to her how you feel, what you have done, and beg forgiveness. At least it's a good way to clear the air, and maybe open up a dialog that's been sorely needed. That's the way I would approach this mess.

[igivebadadvice]

She needs to be put in line. Obviously the woman loves danger. Give her something to be afraid of.