[Hachikou]

Hi! My boyfriend (of 8 years) and I plan to get married December 2010 at the local courthouse. The only ones in attendance will be our parents, siblings, and best friends. We weren't planning on getting married until 2012, but due to unforeseen issues (insurance, for the most part), we want to marry by the end of the year.

My question is how to make an announcement to our family and friends without hurting any feelings. We're both college students and this is the cheapest way to go, but want to have a big celebration once we're done with school in a year and a half. Would mailing out a marriage announcement, with words along the lines of "We're married, but expect a big celebration in 2012!" (kind of like a Save-the-Date, but unspecific of the date) be utterly tacky? My best friend doesn't seem to think so (she was the one to pitch the idea), but I have my reservations about that. A LOT of people have been waiting for us to get married over the years and I don't know if this will go over well with the extended family.

What do you think? If you were to receive an announcement like this, would you think it were tacky or look forward to the big party?

[Wondergirl]

That's two years away, but I would hold the "date" if you sent me an announcement like that. Would you really want to have a big celebration in two years, though?

What about wedding gifts?

[Hachikou]

We actually don't care about wedding gifts, especially since we can't really host a celebration at this time. The reason why I found the announcement idea so tacky is that it seems like we're fishing for gifts even though we're not. Know of any ways to word the announcement so its clear we don't want gifts until the later date?

[Wondergirl]

Again, two years is a long time from now. You may be out of the celebration stage by then, and be preoccupied with a pregnancy, school, or even a divorce.

There's no way to push gift-giving off for two years. People will give gifts for both occasions, for one, or for neither.

I'm thinking don't "promise" a blowout reception/celebration in 2012. You might not be able to deliver. Once you're ready to have a celebration, then contact/invite the people who would have been on your wedding guest list. That way, you're not obligated for anything in the far-too-distant future, and neither are they.

[Fr_Chuck]

Depending on the size of the family, a small wedding in your home, ( pot luck for family for a meal if you are having one) costs very little, I do one or two of those a month for people who are opting not to have limited funds,

But agreed, do not promise anything in the future

[ebaines]

I agree - don't promise a big party in two years. But I don't get why you want to wait so long for a party - as Fr_Chuck says, you can do a reception for very little money. Then later if you want you can have a big 5-year anniversary party.

[dontknownuthin]

I recommend you plan a party sooner rather than later, and include a save the date and picture from your wedding day, along with an informal lette, in your holiday card mailing, saying, 'we are very pleased to share the news that, in the company of our parents, we were married at X court house on such and such a date. We look forward to celebrating with family and friends with a picnic/brunch/cocktail party or whatever - please mark the date of X on your calendar!"

I think doing this is a bit more casual so does not put the gift pressure on people like a formal wedding announcement does (which nobody knows how to respond to). Also, setting a specific reception date does let people know they are being included in the event. I think it's good to say that you celebrated with your parents because it's hard to argue, "she invited her mom but not me" whereas if you include friends or one aunt or cousin or whatever, you could open up a world of hurt. So, be careful how you plan the courthouse thing and who will be there!

[leen321]

I would go for a very traditional announcement sent to all. Formal etiquette would be best in this situation. If you decide to have a party in a year or two, it should be just that, not a reception.

[ali9876]

He has passed the test and selected.