[Xoxoboii]

Hi, I know this will sound odd but here is my situation in a nutshell - my girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years now - we are both 18 now, so have been together since we were 13; we both shared all our first sexuAl encounters together and have a great relationship.

Since we first started dating, she has always been very ummm... "shy" about physical activity; even our first kiss took ages to happen and was initiated by me. She has never initiated any sexual act and complains about it like it is a chore. We tried having sex for the first time around 2 years ago - she said it hurt too much and she would tell me to stop before the head of my penis was in; I eventually gave up and let it be until a year ago when I started to try again - eventually she agreed to give it another go. The same thing happened and I suggested she goes on the pill because she might be allergic to latex, we tried it without a condom and I was actually able to put my head in, she said it made her hot and she liked it... A few months later we got another opportunity to have sex but she refused, this kept happening until just recently and now we don't even do anything. She says she feels uncomfortable and wants to do it at night, but we will NEVER get a chance because she freaks out when her mum is home...
She also gets frustrated if I rub her nipples or her ***** because she says they're too sensitive and it hurts afterwards - not matter how lightly I do it... This amount of rejection is getting hard to cope with as she has recently become close friends with a mate of mine and is talking to him till all hours of the night every night... I don't want to lose her and would like some ideas as to how I should go about this...

[Synnen]

How about backing off on the sex in general?

You know why most younger women don't like to mess around and have issues being comfortable enough to enjoy sex?

PREGNANCY.

And don't give me the crap line that guys use about birth control. I got pregnant at 17 using THREE forms of birth control. Yes, I was using them correctly. Birth control is NOT 100%.

The next thing is that most young women don't masturbate. They have no idea what gets them off. How can she tell you what gets her off if she doesn't know herself?

Third--I'm that sensitive too. It HURTS to have too much stimulation to those areas. ESPECIALLY if I'm not that aroused to begin with. You're both teens, you both live at home, and you don't have a place where you can be ensured privacy and enough time. Women REQUIRE foreplay. Yeah, sometimes I grab my husband and drag him down the hall to the bedroom and attack him. Most of the time, though, there needs to be some flirting, some touching, some smooching, some build up. And I need to be completely relaxed and in the moment. If I'm thinking about bills, or school, or work, or whatever--it ain't going to happen.

So... my suggestion is to spend more time TALKING to your girlfriend and less time trying to get her into bed.

[dhuber]

Your girlfriend may be insecure about her body or even the relationships and may be making excuses because either she is not aware that she Has these issues or she doesn't know how to fix it. Women can feel insecure for many reasons but the pressure of society to be a size 2 is crushing. Or maybe she has had a bad experience and she has been burned by someone after sex. She may be scared that if she shares this you will get mad. Her feelings may be buried or right on the surface. Do things to make her feel good about herself or just start talking about it. You may learn a lot if yoou asked her why she is doing these things. Offer reassurance. If you have done it, do it again

[Cat1864]

How is the rest of your relationship?

I don't think she has a hang up about sex as much as she may not be ready.

I ,too, understand the over-sensitivity. It is not something she can control, but you can control where you touch. If she tells you it doesn't feel good, then try touching other places. Contrary to what the media would have you believe, there are more erogenous zones than those three.

You have been together for quite a while and have pretty much grown up together. I am wondering if you have grown apart. Are you still a couple because you are in love with each other or because you are used to being together?

You do need to sit down and talk with each other. Be open and open-minded.

[Keesha290]

I agree whole heartedly, well put!