[mandjsmommy]

My 5 year old daughter recently discovered her dad dead in his bed (about 2 months ago). Since then I have been amazed at how strong she has been through this traumatizing event. Especially when she started kindergarten 2 weeks after the fact. I was also concerned. She has yet to really cry about it or talk about it with me. With that said... her dad's side of the family had a little get together yesterday and she wanted to spend the night with her 4 year old girl cousin. At around 9:30 pm, I get a call from her cousin's mother saying that her husband walked in on them kissing and touching each other with their pants down. They were questioned individually what happened and her 4 year old cousin said that my daughter had closed the door because she didn't want anyone to see and told her cousin to take off her pants. My daughter said she closed the door because she didn't want anyone to see and that she doesn't remember anything after that. I don't know what t think or do. I am so dumbfounded as to why she would do that? Do you think she is being sexually abused? The only people she is alone with constantly are her grandparents (on her dad's side), and me. What do I do??

[joypulv]

Not all children who explore their bodies with each other have been abused, but given the trauma of finding her father's body I would consider a good child psychologist. Don't jump to any conclusions if you can help it until then. Her lack of expressed feelings about her dad may be a reflection of your actions (trying to be strong yourself) and the way you broach the subject with her. Finding him in bed may have been associated with a vague knowledge that naked body things happen there, and it may be true that she does not really have a sense of what she is doing, or even what 'sex' means. I'm not suggesting that there hasn't been abuse, just that it's possible.

Regarding her talking about her dad - do you sit down with pictures and hold her and say let's talk about Daddy, and tell her you miss him very much, or somesuch?

[ScottGem]

A 5 yr old isn't really capable of being "strong" as you describe it. I don't believe a 5 yr old has the maturity level to process the feelings that she is experiencing.

My feeling is this sexual behavior is an outlet for what she is going through not a sign of abuse. But this is a serious enough incident that you need to seek professional help.

[Fr_Chuck]

With so many things happening, I doubt the child even has the ability to filly accept and understand. I would assume just the fact of finding her dad dead you have already started professional counseling ?

If not you need to.

[YeloDasy]

Yeah, professional opinion is the best option. They will ask questions that can help understand where she is at with grieving and her thoughts. They can also help understand the incident with her cousin. Has she seen any acts of sex before. She may have been abused. But she could also have seen this behavior somewhere, like home, movie, etc. Let a professional talk to her.

[mandjsmommy]

Thank you very much. She has never seen any sexual acts either on TV, movie, or live. Yes, she started last week with a psychologist who specifically works with children. Thank you... please keep us in your prayers... we need it!

[ScottGem]

We will and please let us know how this turns out.