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k_beck · Oct 22, 2010, 02:37 PM

Ok... So ! Here is a short version of what I am dealing with. I dated my ex for a year and a half we broke up and started seeing other people. Well after seeing each other, out on a drinking night with mutal friends, well we hooked up a few times before splitting with our new relationships and decided to try again. After a few weeks we decided to see what happens and he left town for 3 months for work. In the mean time a dear friend of mine came home for his R&R from over seas and expressed feelings he had been holding for years while we were both in other relationships. The day after he was due to fly in I found out I was pregnant with my ex's baby, so when my friend experssed his feelings I told him about my problem. It took no more than a day for him to call me and say I was worth it and he thought we could make it even though I was pregnant with another mans baby. We spent every day of his two weeks together and feelings grew fast.Before he left we decided to try and make it work between us. He doesn't get home for good until January but promises we will be together and fine when he gets home. We talk daily and he always reminds me that he is here and loves me. I want this to be a great thing but have my concerns on if closer to time it will all be too much to love a woman carrying another mans baby. Or should I try to make things work with my ex, the babies father ? He still says he wants us to work too and gets home in late December. HELP!!

joypulv · Oct 22, 2010, 05:25 PM

WHAT?? All this love and you pull the rug out in the last sentence. Why on God's green earth would you give up this man to go back to someone who could care less?? People accept other's biological children all the time and love them to pieces.
Get your feelings in line here, or you will ruin it. You have a problem with trust. Trust can be broken, sure, but that doesn't mean you throw it all away. You take risks. You go with what you see and hear and believe, without believing what isn't in front of you. It isn't easy but it's worth it.

DoulaLC · Oct 22, 2010, 05:51 PM

My step-daughter is with a wonderful man who has raised her daughter as his own since she was a newborn.

Nothing is guaranteed, but as joypulv said, it does work, and it can work very well... :)

beachloverjohn · Oct 22, 2010, 07:15 PM

Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but it sounds as if you are afraid the guy you love will not stick around to the end, so your alternate plan is to try to make it work with the baby's father even though you love someone else. First, that is very unfair to the father, you are going to use him. Second, you are unfair to the other guy because you have so little faith in him that you would consider the wrong guy. Maybe you should do them both a favor and work on yourself for awhile. Whoever you decide to make a go of it with, try doing it for love, not need. It might not be either of them..

Cat1864 · Oct 23, 2010, 06:31 AM

It sounds like you are going through this pregnancy alone and are looking for someone to be there for you. I know you are probably scared about the future, but slow down.

You need to stay on friendly terms with the ex because no matter what happens you will have to work together to raise the child. Even if he isn't in your life romantically, he will be as the father and he will have rights and responsibilities that you will have to deal with.

The old friend/new love sounds like a great guy, but I don't think either of you are ready to commit to anything. If he were in town I would be less concerned. However, he isn't and I am not certain the reality of you having a child is more than a nebulous concept to him. I am concerned that your feelings for him may be affected by needing someone. How did you feel about him BEFORE he professed his feelings? Had you ever given him a romantic thought in the past?

I don't think you have the strong feelings for the ex that a relationship needs to succeed or he wouldn't be an ex.

Allow the new relationship to grow over time. Keep it friendly for now until you can be in the same place and reality is a bit more pressing. If he comes back and still wants the relationship, then all is good. If something happens or changes, then you won't be locked into anything and will be better able to adapt.

Good luck and may you have a very healthy child.

YeloDasy · Oct 23, 2010, 10:21 AM

You need to take things one day at a time. Why did your relationship end with your ex? What do you feel for him? And you need to allow relationships to progress naturally, not make a commitment for the baby. One day at a time.

love_struck_101 · Jun 24, 2012, 11:08 PM

Me and my girlfriend is going through the same thing I love her so much I don't want to lose her but it seems she is neglecting me I got a job and I got us an apartment but she still seems as if she want to be with him even after he said he don't want nothing to do with her or the kid I'm crying because I feel like I'm being neglected ikr I sound like a little girl but that's how strong my feelings are for her should I just move on.