[eksutton94]

So I've been on and off with my current boyfriend for a year and a half. For this conversation, lets just say his name is Allen. So "Allen" and I have stayed together for about two in a half months solid ( a big deal for us) and everything was going wonderful. We had even pondered an engagement! Well, a few weeks ago, a childhood friend showed up at one of our local hangouts.I'm just going to call her "Tina". I hadn't seen her in ages so I immediately ran up and talked to her. As the next two weeks went by, she came to our hangout more frequently... everytime she's asked "Where's your boyfriend?", "Where's your 'husband' ?" just sort of flirtatiously. Well I started to text her, explaining my relationship, how long we've been together and what we've been through. I also explained my relationships with other girls, before my boyfriend. As we talked more and more we realized we had a lot in common. I told "Allen" that I was going to stay at my cousins house with a couple of friends and I'd spend time with him the next day. Well the whole night "Tina" and I cuddled, watched movies and eventually kissed. We talked about our families, our dreams, and hopes, relationships, EVERYTHING. We even ended up doing more. I am really happy when I'm around her and since that night ( and one more night similar to this one) ,I can't help but to want to be with her. I ended up spilling the beans to "Allen", of course he cried, got angry, and even punched his truck, he said he'd let it slide but if it happened again it'd be over ( for some reason those words didn't bother me). I realize I am not as happy with "Allen" , I won't even have sex with him, I won't let him touch me, and we barely kiss. I make up excuses and blame it on a head-ache or other reasons. I'm afraid I might just be with him too much and need some space, that's why I'm straying. I'm afraid if I leave him, I may want him back or think of him and become depressed. I don't know how to sort out my feelings, my friends know me and him to well to give honest opinions, please please help. Thanks you so much.

[joypulv]

'I'm afraid if I leave him, I may want him back or think of him and become depressed.' That's not a good reason to stay, or fair to him.
'... my friends know me and him to well to give honest opinions... ' Your friends' subjective opinions may be better than those of total strangers (also subjective in many ways) here because we can't know a whole book of details. But even with very little, the age old story is the same: only you can make up your mind. But chances are if you aren't sure about a person you are with, then you're getting ready to leave.

[talaniman]

Your whole problem is honesty, not being honest with yourself or your partner. Then we have being selfish, thinking its okay to be with someone else even though you came clean. It still goes back to being honest. That's something you need to work on and stop being so selfish that you hold on to "Allen" just in case you "find" feelings again, or regret leaving. Boy is that dishonest.

You are really a lousy partner, mostly because you love yourself too much, and have no respect for the feelings of others. How unhealthy is that??

When you learn how to do what's right as opposed to what's good for you and bad for others, then you may rise above the level of lying and cheating.

You really need to learn the difference between life and BS, or you will be stuck in your own BS until you do. So go home and get your priorities in order and figure out what the right thing to do is, and simply do it!!

[answerme_tender]

Maybe Im approaching this wrong, but maybe the biggest issue you need to come to an understanding about is your own sexuality. It seems to me from reading your post, that you were already attrative to "Tina", and that is why you made such a point of going to visit the cousin!
I also think because of you insecurities of your sexuality and fear of being judged you are trying to keep both options available.
If you believe that your mature enough to practice adult behavior, then you need to be mature enough not to play with other peoples emotions. If you are unsure then don't be in a serious relationship with either one. Then take the time to become more secure with yourself and what you want out of a relationship.

[beachloverjohn]

He punched his truck? Is his truck having an affair with an SUV? OK, bad joke. Sounds like you have discovered your true sexuality. Don't fight it, embrace it. You stop using "Allen" as a crutch and go with your true feelings. Do it for him and for yourself. You can't stay with someone for such selfish reasons. He will see through that in no time.

[Jake2008]

It is pretty obvious that you are bisexual, and yet you are in a heterosexual relationship with a man who did not know, until you had an affair, that you were bi.

Regardless of your sexuality, you screwed around on him, and that is a huge breech to anyone committed to another. You have redeemed yourself in my opinion, by coming clean about it, and giving him the choice whether to continue with the relationship. He says one more time, and it's over, and you responded by telling us that you really don't have any real commitment to him any longer, you are sexually uninterested in him, and that you are unhappy with him.

I get the impression that you have one foot in, and one foot out, of your relationship with Allen. The 'out' part would be what is on the other side of the door, without him, which would likely be your new love interest. You cannot have a healthy relationship with two people at the same time. One of them has to go.

Regardless of your sexual orientation, the partner you are with not only deserves honesty, but if he is continuing to expect the relationship to last, it is based on lies. You are making a lot of excuses to keep him at arms length.

It might be time for you to be on your own, without going from one relationship, directly into the next. If you and Allen are not able to stay together, for whatever reason, both of you deserve the freedom to move on to other relationships.

[Devorameira]

You're right, it isn't fair at all for you to stay with "Allen" and continue to cheat on him. Cheating and disrespect are two of the worst things in my book.

You need to do Allen a favor and break it off with him. He deserves someone that loves him, wants to be with him, and who doesn't cheat on him. It's not right for you to give him any hope, because your continuing behavior will make it hopeless.

[eksutton94]

Thanks all of you, I have decieded to stay with Allen, and be %100 percent honest with him.