[Kmann22]

So I must be desperate for an answer because writing to a bunch of people I don't know isn't the norm for me lol! So here's my question for whoever feels brave enough to give me a answer ;) Back in February I starting seeing this guy. Well I think he wasn't over his last girlfriend, because he dated her 2 1/2 yrs and we started talking only like 2 months after. So yeah, I was kind of dumb probably for dating him, but anyhow we live and learn. So he ends up telling me after 4 months that he's not ready for a relationship and blah, blah, you all have heard it before I'm sure and get the jist of it! I was pretty chill with it, but we didn't talk much for about three months, which I felt was best cause I didn't want to fall into that whole friends with benefits thing. Well I moved about 4 hours away to Washington, DC to do an internship after about 3 months and the first week after I moved he texts me and tells me he misses me. I saw him shortly after that because I visit where he lives a lot since I have a lot of friends there still. So I went to a party he had at his house, but brought all my gf's with me. I've seen him a couple times since then on visits and have even stayed the night with him at his house twice. I have only kissed him cause I figure since we're not in a relationship that's where I should draw the line. That's where I feel comfortable drawing the line too, and since he hasn't tried moving it past there I haven't made an issue out of it.
So after the first visit, I wrote him and told him that I wasn't sure why he was wanting to talk to me now and that the way I saw it was that I had a lot going on in my life and that I could tell he still wasn't ready for a relationship and that I would just valued his friendship. He wrote back the nicest letter ever and told me that he was glad to hear me say that and that he valued my friendship too and that he was sorry for, basically, being a jerk before. He went on to say that he didn't want me to think that he was crawling on his hands and knees to get me to come back to him. He also said in his letter that he was by no means ready for a relationship and that he wanted to stay in contact though, because who knows what the future can bring.
So over the past 3 weeks, which is how longs it's been since the last time I saw time, we've been texting almost everyday and I just don't know what all of this means. I feel like I spend so much time waiting for him just to hear "I'm not ready for a relationship". I'm at the point where I'm just kind of getting bored from it. I just didn't know if I should bring this up to him and how or what to say. I'll be seeing him in about a week, and I figured maybe I could say something to him then. Oh and by the way it's been about two months since he first told me he was sorry and sent that letter, so I'm feeling the need to either make something out of this or hit the road. I would tell him how I feel, but than I'm kind of afraid of being pushy and I don't want to push him into a relationship. I honestly wouldn't mind not being in one if I knew that someday we would be in one. I just don't want to be waiting around forever for someone who's never going to come around. I heard that when guys say they're not ready for a relationship that just means they don't want one with you. Don't know if that always means just that, cause I feel maybe there could really be cases where they just aren't ready, but I don't know how to determine that. I care about him, but I feel like I'm done being dragged on. I'm starting to feel that I either want in something with him or out of it all together :)

[mmresd]

This is a hard situation. As much as you would like for someone to give you a definite answer about this particular issue it is unlikely for someone to do so because only you know what you want and what you are willing to risk. You pretty much have two choices: 1. You can talk to him directly about how you have been feeling and seeing his reaction towards it keeping in mind that saying sorry does not mean he wants to be with you but that maybe he just feels like he was a jerk about and that's it; and 2. You can walk away from this and wait or look for a guy who likes you enough to at least offer you an invitation to be a part of his life.

Normally, in situations where you go into a relationship with someone who just got out of a serious one is because he feels the need for someone to replace the one he has just lost, aka rebound, and those type of relationships also end a while after because he finally realizes that he was not ready for a relationship. Which sounds like it might have happened here. But if you think he has changed the way he thinks then go for it and see what happens, there is really nothing to lose, and the chance of gaining something especially if you think the guy has potential to be a good boyfriend to you.

Good Luck,

Javi

[beachloverjohn]

That's exactly what it means, he doesn't want a relationship with you, at least not exclusive. He is just keeping you within reach because he figures you will always be there if he needs you. He's in a great position, calls all the shots, and has complete control. You on the other hand are just waiting around for any crumbs he might throw your way, and just putting your life on hold until he decides what you should do. Well what's wrong with that statement. He can decide what you should do. Change that to YOU DECIDE, and start by having no more to do with him, and make him an insignificant part of your life, like a piece of dust.

[dhuber]

I agree. It sounds likee he just wants you around to send mixed messages. I wouldn't have sex with him; it sounds like it's not you but that he likes to play the field. Don't be the field. I don't know if it is you, or if he got burned, or if he doesn't want a girlfriend. Who cares? He needs to leave you alone if he is not serious. I wouldn't wait around. Find someone who knows what they want. Why wait for him to decide. Take the initiative and tell him you have moved on. Otherwise he will keep drawing you in for nothing. There are guys out there who could use someone loyal. Don''t be a friend with benefits or a friend period unless you can maintain a true friendship - not just pretending to be a friend but really wanting something else.