[jap8112]

My wife well soon to be ex-wife is a binge drinker and I don't know what to do. I understand most people seem to believe this is a male or just a guy problem but it's not. I've met many of woman who don't know how to stop. When we met yeah we hung out, drank and had a great time but when we got married was when I started seeing it wasn't just a hang out and have a little fun kind of thing. She turned into a different person. We use to have a lot of other couple friends and it turned into they didn't want to hang out or even go to the park with our kids because of how drunk and messed up she would let herself become. She left me back in may 09 after I had to call her mother cause she started drinking the night before @ 10pm and was still doing so till morning when the kids woke up. I have a 14 year old son from a previous woman, who had to witness this over and over with her. That day I called her mother and sister to help me in any which way they can and when I left so they could speak, they packed all her things and took her away from me and blamed me for everything. On top of that took out 5 year old daughter away from me. I've tried everything but the only way I can have her around me to talk is only if we go out and yes of course drink which she feels is the only way to be comfortable around me. When I totally stopped falling for her tricks, she would just stay in her parents house with a bunch of empty liqour bottles under the bed. There was also a time that she was home alone with our daughter and I called and my 5 year old answered the phone and told me that mommy was dead. I ran over there, banged down the door and broke in to the house to find her passed out in the kitchen and my daughter trying her hardest to open the front door so I can get in. She finally awoke after giving her a gallon of water to call me every name you can imagine and blame me for it all. I've tried everything and nothing seems to work. She hates me for called on her family for help but I didn't know what else to do and now, 18 months later. She comes around on the weekends to me to "spend time" and when I tell her no drinks she goes home and takes our daughter then I go 3 to 4 days of no contact till the following weekend comes. I've been living in a hotel waiting for her to maybe just maybe realize that all this binge drinking she does has taken a huge toll on her and us but it's been 5 months and it's only gotten worse. Her eyes aren't even white anymore and she can be drunk for days not to mention she went from a size 8 to a size 18. I have so much love for this woman and care about her with all my heart, but I have ran out of all possible options. Her family doesn't even want to see what everybody else does. They just say she's tired or say that me and the baby is I'm stressing her. It kills me cause before all this, she was the most awesome wife, mother and best friend I could have ever had. But the more I try to help her, the more I seem to be her enemy. I love you Joanna, I just truly wish I could help you baby!

[tickle]

If you say her eyes aren't even white anymore could mean only one thing, and that would be liver damage from all the booze, so if you can convince her, or her mother that unless she stops drinking she will be dead, I don't know what else to suggest.

Sounds like she is in the land of no return, and I am so sorry you love her so much, but unless you can her into some kind of rehab, you are not going to have much longer.

You could call family services and alert them to her drinking and caring for a five year old, that might put the clincher on things. Go to court and get custody of your child.

At this point, her addiction is so strong she can't help herself, it is a disease and hereditary.

Tick

[DrBill100]

Supplemental to the advice of tick, females are prone to a more rapid development of physiological problems, in this case possibly liver dysfunction.

It doesn't sound like you are in any position to act in her behalf, but her actions are endangering your children, and you can act on their behalf.

The drinking pattern you describe will, in all likelihood continue to degenerate. This is not a time to reminisce as to how things or she used to be. Rather you must face the circumstances as they are. The children must be your first concern. If the future brings recovery for her that's wonderful but the life she is living now poses immediate dangers that must be addressed without delay.

Additionally, here is a link to Al-Anon, a group that can assist you in working through the problems of dealing with an alcoholic spouse. It's free and anonymous.

[jap8112]

Thank you tickle for your comment. And your right, but trying to level with her and help her only ended up pushing her further away from me & making me the fault of her having to get another drink. I have to do for my kids no matter how it hurts her.

[dhuber]

You can't help her because she is not receptive yet, and by the way she is not alcohol binging she has passed to dependence. The symptoms and behavior you are describe is past binging. Binging has no physical symptoms it is an amount. She has to realize what she is and certainly is not due to anything you have done. Let her go and maybe she will hit rock bottom. In the meantime contact your family court to get your rights down on paper or you will be subject to her whims. It may be that you will need to focus on a new and stable relationship and steady contact with your children. You don't have anything to prove to her or her family - their opinions are not gospel. They will realize eventually that they have enough to deeal with in her alcoholism. Do spend any more time focusing on her alcoholism Focus on your children and how to have stable contact. Alcoholism is not a guy thing, it's a human thing

[jap8112]

Your right. It's sad cause I would never want to see womeone I have a child with, go down such a wicked path but your 100% right. Thank you very much, this is so true! ALCOHOLISM IS NOT A GUY THING, IT'S HUMAN THING!