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LoveStoned · Dec 29, 2008, 11:14 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...ve-281948.html

Entire story merged several times

I really don't get my ex. The story is posted above. For christmas eve he called me to wish me a merry christmas. I later called him again cause I just wanted to talk to him... no answer. He totally stopped calling me and ignores me now. 2 weeks before christmas he told me he wanted to meet up sometime in January (he was not really calling me either at that time) to talk about things... but why ignore me. Is he just trying to think about what he wants??
Its actually better for me cause... its sinking in that its over... but I just don't get him...

liz28 · Dec 29, 2008, 11:24 AM

Maybe it's time to get a new boyfriend if he isn't acting right. Life is too short to be stress out. If communication isn't going well between the two of you how can you be together? It'll never work.

hjpan · Dec 29, 2008, 12:02 PM

Same with my ex.

Found out she left me for her "new friends" and a "party life" when her parents are in the lower class section of the wealth distribution pyramid.

ZoeMarie · Dec 29, 2008, 12:10 PM

He should be thinking about what he wants. You broke up with him. The communication between you guys since you broke up is just confusing the two of you. Maybe he realized he made a mistake in talking to you after the breakup and now he's taking time for himself to heal, which is what you should both be doing. Don't worry about trying to get him. It would be another story if you two were still together. You both need space in order to move on, so try to stick with no contact.

talaniman · Dec 30, 2008, 09:30 AM

After 8 years, I imagine its really tough on you both, and you both should not be contacting the other period. As you see how confusing any contact is at this time.

It will be a while before the emotional dust settles ( quite a while ), and this time is best spent regrouping, and building a balanced life, without the influence of the other.

Sweet_Guy23 · Dec 30, 2008, 09:41 AM

Sounds like he is giving you MIXED SIGNALS that you are having a hard time reading.

I will advise you to just back off... and go NO CONTACT... and work on yourself for the time being...

You need this free time to yourself anyway...

LoveStoned · Dec 30, 2008, 01:46 PM

I've just been thinking that when I left the relationship I felt empty/souless and now that I don't have him I want him back for the possibility of what if... "I gave him that second chance when he wanted it". Was that our chance of being happy together.

What hurts was when I left I really just needed time to think things over (cool off). But then within the few weeks of not speaking to him he bangs another girl give her flowers and everything... That hurts like hell. And who knows if he still talks to her.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 30, 2008, 03:41 PM

Perhaps he read our advice on her, NO contact, you don't answer calls, if you get a voice mail delete it, if you get a email delete it and move on.

But a Merry Christmas is just that not anything more

openeyes · Dec 30, 2008, 04:17 PM

Based on what you stated he's definitely sending off mixed feelings. He's confused and unsure as to whether he should be moving on. Also terrified of the possibility of doing so and than realizing that you were the one for him.

Yet neither of these are your concern. You already tried by calling him and you gave him the signs that you would want to get back together and work it out.

You left the door open for him now and clearly he is unsure so until he's knocking on that door and trying his best to kick it open because he realized he can not live with out you. Until than... its time for you to move on.

Move on in the sense of just accepted the situation as it is and just live your life and see what unfolds.

LoveStoned · Jan 2, 2009, 09:56 AM

Since christmas day... 1 week so far with absolutely No Contact... with no expectations of him calling me. I sit back here and get so upset thinking about when I would speak to him a couple months after the breakup and he would compare me to his rebound girl... He said "she seems to be honest and I believe her" About her past relationships. I try not to think about these things but they come back and haunt me. And told me she makes him feel good.

He probably still sees her. I don't know how long it will last for. And it hurts. The last time I went to visit which was in early December I saw a cup holder with his and hers anitials on it marked with the date they first went on their date. Which was two weeks from when we broke up (during the summer). Yeah he really loves me me right?? And tells me "it nothing really".

8 Years and I feel like he has no remorse. I feel like he's almost glad we broke up.

jjwoodhull · Jan 2, 2009, 10:00 AM

Congratulation! One week down. It is a new year and time to move on. Be strong!

kctiger · Jan 2, 2009, 10:02 AM

You are better off without him. Post here every day, or week if you have to, just keep up the NC. You are doing great. It is always most difficult this time of year. Keep moving forward! I am proud of you!

LoveStoned · Jan 2, 2009, 10:15 AM

Yes Yes... so so difficult!! Oh believe me I will keep posting until you guys get sick of hearing me... LOL

liz28 · Jan 2, 2009, 11:55 AM

That's good! It's one week now then the next thing you know it's a month.

There is a NC calendar under member discusions where other person post and support each other that is going through the same thing. That thread can help too so you should check it out or I can link it to you if you like to get you started.

LoveStoned · Jan 5, 2009, 10:15 PM

What should I do? He's been calling and calling all day... I really want to work things out... But I really don't want to get hurt again. I was the one who broke up the relationship. I haven't called him back yet.

How can I know if he is sincere this time??

411Help · Jan 5, 2009, 10:37 PM

How do you know the intent of the call without even speaking to him?

expat2009 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:14 PM

Let him speak, listen to what he says. If you don't know the answer, tell him you will think about one and call him back when you have it.

How do you want to work things out without talking first? Telepathically?

LoveStoned · Jan 6, 2009, 07:52 AM

Guys.. this has been going on for 5 months now and I've been the one trying to work things out!! Broke n/c once and it was heart breaking... He said he did a lot of thinking and wanted to talk... We met up and then after that completely ignored me and now he wants to call me and speak to me..?

kctiger · Jan 6, 2009, 07:53 AM

This isn't fair to you. I would continue to ignore him and move on with your life. He obviously doesn't know what he wants, and cannot keep butting into your life whenever he thinks you may be moving on. Change your number and leave him in the past. The longer this continues, the less you can build a life without him in it.

LoveStoned · Jan 6, 2009, 07:59 AM

That's what it seems like as if he's butting in... I mean if he really wanted to work things out he would have written me a letter or something... thats the way I see it...