[Everyothertofu2]

Hi there!
I am having trouble distinguishing friendship from romance. I have a friend who is a guy, I have been good friends with him for a while now. He doesn't really have any good friends at our school besides me, and sadly I don't have any classes with him. I do see him during passing periods and at lunch. He eats lunch with me every day. I had been noticing some serious flirting with me about a month ago, ex: putting his hand on top of mine while we were watching a film, acting nervous and stuttering around me, staring, generally brushing against me whenever he got the chance, intense eye-contact when I talked to him, he forced his sister to give him my phone number, he is also the one who asked if he could eat lunch with my friends and I. He's been really nice and polite to me and he is pretty shy (doesn't have much self-confidence at all) but he is a really nice guy. About three weeks ago I told him that I liked him. Long story short, he freaked out and about two days later of ignoring me he told me via text that he didn't like me beyond friendship. Things were pretty awkward after that for four days or so, but he kept trying to repair our friendship to what it had been before. Now, we are as good as friends, or better than we were before. I've been trying to put the romantic feelings I am feeling for him to the back of my mind, but sometimes the things he does are flirtatious and my hope is re-kindled. We also go to an art school where about 50 percent of the boys are gay, it just so happens that my friend is really attractive and a lot of the girls flirt with him. I can't help feeling jealous, and it really get to me sometimes.I also know who my friend likes. She is this super-popoular girl who plays around with him and lets him on even though the whole world knows that he has no chance with her (because popularity is super important to her). How do I let my friend know that I am still an option, emerge from the "friend zone" and decide whether or not he likes me?

Additional Information:

- He and I are both fourteen (our birthdays are 10 days apart)
- He had pretty low self confidence
- We have known each other since 2nd grade.

[beachloverjohn]

Well I wouldn't recommend trying to make him think that he can't get the other girl because some people like what they can't have. And to you, you might be the better choice for him, but I'm not sure he thinks the same. What you should do is try to be a good friend like he wants, and let him come to you if he wants more. But don't push it, or you might ruin your friendship.

[Everyothertofu2]

Thank you so much, yeah that's what I thought. I don't want to sound egoistic and uppity, but I just think he deserves better and well, I've been nothing but nice. If anyone has other suggestions please share! :)

[KoolAide187]

beachloverjohn has perfect advice. I love it! The only thing I might add is that maybe he does want a relationship with you but not at school. He may want it to be secret so nobody else knows. Y'all live in a world surrounded by unreal popularity. If he dates you he might be considered "uncool". If you want you can try to talk to him outside of school and see how things work out. Tell him y'all can keep it secret or whatever. Once you kiss a boy and they kiss you back at that age. If you both want it. Then he will disregard all cool points and put you above everybody but you have to gain his trust and affection first. Like beachloverjohn said. Don't push it though. Let it happen naturally. That's the best way.

[talaniman]

Take him at his word that he is having hopes of getting with someone else and not you. Whether he does or not only time will tell but why wait on someone to like you as more than a friend? That's hopeful, but not very realistic.

[Everyothertofu2]

Comment on KoolAide187's post
Thanks, I will keep that in mind

Comment on Talaniman's post
You're right, maybe I'm being a little too hopeful. However, today he said the girl he "likes" is pretty but annoying, when my friend asked him if he would date her he said he wouldn't be able to stand her for over 24 hrs. Maybe I have a chance?

[Homegirl 50]

He has already let you know how he feels about going beyond the friend zone.
If you can't deal with that, you need to stop spending so much time around him.
If his flirting bothers you and sends mixed signals, tell him to stop.
He let you know when he was uncomfortable, you need to do the same thing.

[dhuber]

Since you don't have a crystal ball, you have to ask and be satisfied with the answer. Stop; trying to read meanings into his actions because the actions might mean something other than what you think. He is a good friend so you are very lucky. Only he knows what he thinks or feels. If he does want relationship this could ruin the friendship eventually so take that into consideration. Both situations have pros and cons. When you talk tohim, be prepared for the answer and go with it. If it is friendship, you need to pursue someone looking for a girlfriend. While also being a good friend. Let him decide what he wants but let him know your feelings too. You can't move anyone across a zone they have to walk willingly