[kevin2006]

Hi... I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 9 months... and a couple days ago I got in a little fight with her because I thought she was telling this guy (whose my friend) some new songs... and I kind of felt left out and I asked her how come she didn't give me the music first... and she said she did... and I think she did too.. but I don't know... I was kind of mad because I don't like her sharing her interests with other guys... but she told me he asked her first so I was like OK... and then she started saying how I'm controlling and stuff... and how I want her to stop talking to all the guys... but I didn't say that... then I asked her if she would get mad if I started talking to another girl about basketball and stuff... and she's like she doesn't care... she doesn't care if I talk to any girl... she said it in an angry way too... like she didn't even care what I did... which probably means she doesn't love me... she then said that she doesn't care because in the end of the day she knows I love her... n she trusts me... I don't know.. im having 2nd thoughts about it and I don't know what to do and how to find out for sure... do you think she still loves me?

[s2tp]

Kevin,

I was in a similar situation with my ex. He got angry with me just hanging out with another guy in the room... it was bad! Lol... well I pretty much had the same response as your current GF.

The thing is that most girls don't like to be controlled like that. We don't like being told not to talk or have guy friends... I personally got very irritated with my then-boyfriend cause he was acting like I would do something with another guy just cause I was in the same room as them.

When you tell her you don't like her sharing her interests to other guys your making yourself seem clingy, dependent, insecure... etc. Her angry words in response is her being irritated with not being trusted, and now being allowed to have some freedom.

Just because she shared something with somebody else does not automatically mean she doesn't care about you. When she said she doesn't care about you talking to other girls and she trusts you, she means it. I said the very same things to my guy... I knew he loved me and cared about me too much to ever do anything, therefore I was secure. However his insecurities pushed me away... which I hope you don't end up doing with your girlfriend.

My thought is that yes she still cares about you and loves you. You need to look at yourself though and think about your relationship. Are you secure with her? You say your having second thoughts, so I don't think you are.

In my opinion to love somebody... truly love them, you must trust them completely, you should feel secure and strong when you are with that person and when you are away. A relationship should not make you feel insecure, doubtfully or untrusting of the other person.

Do you communicate well with each other? Does she get irritated with other things in the relationship? I would say watch out for her wanting more space... she seems a little irritated with you not giving her freedom to share her interests with other people, and is she feels like you are controlling, she will start to push you away...

I hope this give you a little insight, Best of wishes for you and your relationship.

[shaun4]

I think you guys are not communicating, me and my boyfriend often had this problem. We recently started reading "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; understanding the opposite sex" ( I know, I was against it at first too). The book is amazing, it really helps you understand the opposite sex, and where we go wrong when trying to express our feelings to one another. I truly believe this will give you much insight into your mates feeling, how to gain confidence in your relationship, and ways to avoid problems like this in the future! It's worth the $13.95 it cost (paperback)

Good Luck =)

[s_cianci]

I think you're dealing with some serious insecurities here. It's not realistic to expect her to never talk with another guy. I don't think it's a sign that she doesn't love you but if you don't lighten up then you run the risk of losing her for good.

[kevin2006]

Thanks for the help people!

[ordinaryguy]

She sounds more mature and secure in her own identity than you do. You have a great opportunity to learn something valuable from her. I hope you can learn it fast enough to save the relationship, but you've got no time to waste.

[chuff]

You both sound immature and unsure of the other. If your getting upset over her sharing music... I mean get real. I'm sorry that's absolutely stupid. To your own friend none the less. So not only do you not trust her, you don't trust your friend. Why are you hanging out with either of them? Do you really think she's going through life and not going to speak to guys? What if your not there and a guy hits on her? Hell, what if you are there and guy hits on her? You going to freak out? I've been in that situation and I could've cared less. She was leaving the bar with me that night. And if she didn't then I would've learned I shouldn't be with her.

[JoeCanada76]

I think that you're the one that has the insecurities and problems. You did not have to come out and actually say it, but you may as well of. Saying you do not like her sharing interests with other guys.

Your having second thoughts, I am sure she is too. It is up to you if you want to continue but believe me. You continue, you will always be a lonely person.

Joe

[kevin2006]

Thanks for the additional advice... I appreciate your honest advice... I know some of my thinking is stupid.. but that's how I am because of my past... I can't help it sometimes... I think the worst of everything... I just came out of a depression caused by another girl... I can't go down the same path again

[talaniman]

If you didn't learn from the first experience then you'll repeat the same mistake again with the same results and find yourself alone again. And depressed. Hmm you must not have worked on yourself very well if you find yourself in the same boat again.

[rol]

Totally agree with Tal.
In your previous posts you were complaining about her telling you that she loves you too much and now you are jealous of her talking to a friend about music! Please.. What is it that you want exactly?? Keep walking on this path and for sure history will be repeating itself...

[chuff]

thanks for the additional advice...i appreciate your honest advice...

Good. The first step is realizing something is wrong and not ignoring it when people are helping you. Your at least recognizing it.

i know some of my thinking is stupid..but thats how i am because of my past...

Your past has no power over you future - unless you give you past power then give your future to you past. Do you know who struck out the most in the history of baseball? Babe Ruth.. In baseball to succeed you only have to hit the ball 30% of the time. Just like in life, you get to fail 70% of the time. One event, one person, one moment, one relationship does define you a man. Or it shouldn’t. That only happens when you allow it and give power to past events that you had no control over.

i can't help it sometimes...i think the worst of everything...

Change that behavior. I used to be the same way, and now I look for the best in everything. If you do something and it doesn’t work you didn’t lose anything you just got a free education. Set yourself up so that you always have positive reinforcements.

i just came out of a depression caused by another girl...

Was the depression really caused by another girl? Or was the depression caused by the rejection YOU felt you were being given. Your depression was self inflicted - In not saying you should not feel loss if someone leaves you - But again you got a free education in what not to do next time. The depression was really the rejection you felt. It may have been her fault but you internalized it. It may have been neither’s fault but you took the blame. It may have even been your fault, but instead on learning from it you started blaming yourself instead of learning from it. As Tal said, if you don’t stop that pattern of thinking you’ll continue doing this over and over. I did for years before I woke up and realized that it wasn’t the world around me, but me causing these patterns.

Next time is now. And let me ask you this. Your demanding, overbearing, possessive, uncaring, and insensitive. Do you really believe these are characteristics that a woman finds appealing in a man? Do you really believe that they strengthen a relationship?

If you had never met her, would these feelings help you in your day to day life?

i can't go down the same path again

We are in the agreement. You can’t go down the same path. But the road your taking leads you right back. I’m by no means, suggesting you lay down and get walked on by the way. But what I am suggesting is that you build up your personality traits so that when she shares things with other people it doesn’t effect you. When she talks to others it doesn’t effect you.

[kevin2006]

How do I go about changing my personality traits?. I have trouble doing that... when I'm at home I feel confident about myself but when I go see some of my friends that are away from home, because I live away from home during school, I get nervous that none of them really like me and I feel left out... and I don't know how to be myself