[LJDK]

Hi.
I just need to let this out somewhere. Better here than with friends and loved one.

I'm deeply dissatisfied with my job. I also don't feel that I belong any more. Where out for the evening with "friends" everyone constantly judges and misunderstands me. I have a dark sense of humour, I never laugh at their jokes. Its so obvious the joke of the evening was me not even smiling when they make jokes.

I feel the same way even when I'm with my closest friends. Marriage is approaching. Financial worries are getting to me. Job stress. Social stress, stress from all sides. To top that off my Fiancé hit me the other day in a feud of rage.Over something she admitted was an over reaction on her part. I gave her boss a talking to after they held another meeting after working hours. So my Fiancé reacted very badly towards this.

It's the 4th time now that got physical, hitting me... with fists in the face, ribs and basically anywhere I failed to block properly. She once even threw me with a rowing paddle.

I don't know. Have considered just ending it all. I am so depressed I can hardly get through the day at work. This bent up anger, depression is starting to show. Screaming at my boss at how he is working against me. Long story but he was.

Checking out, seems like a valid option. Surely if something like a God does exist I'm sure he will understand. I am just finding it harder to see any point on carrying on this mundane existence. I know I won't actually do something stupid. But right now, it's the most comforting thought I have. I have never felt so alone. I can't talk to my friends about this. Nor my fiancé or my parents.

Thanks for letting me rant. Although I must admit I still don't feel better.

[JoeCanada76]

What you need to do is see a counselor.

Everybody, and I mean everybody goes through periods of their life with feeling like you are at times.

The thing is if you want to feel better about yourself on the inside and outside then you need to make changes in your life for the more positive.

Sounds like you might not be happy with your fiancée. Is it time for a break? Time to say hey enough is enough I am not going to deal with your out bursts anymore. Leave...

As far as your job if your desatisfied what you could be doing is while dealing with this job. You could be getting yourself prepared for setting up interviews else where and see if a change in career or job for that matter could be in the cards in the future. This is up to you though.

As far as your friends are concerned if you do not care for their jokes or you do not find things funny that is just you.
If they do not like that or poke fun at you. You need to adopt the attitude of who the ---- cares what they think. I will be myself and if they do not like it they can go ---- themselves.

In all honestly though about you talking to your partners boss, that is not up to you to do. It should be her standing up to him/her. The thing is, why do you feel the need to intervene for her?

Just some ideas and questions for you.

God does personally exist in my own personal belief. Understanding, not sure.

We are all giving the gift of life. No matter how easy or hard life can be it is for us to learn and grow and change.

There is help out there for you, but you need to reach out for it. Which your doing here, but I also feel that you would benefit from some one on one counseling as well.

[Jake2008]

You have to start somewhere, and that you have written out the main parts of your immediate life that are causing likely, most of the stress, let's start there.

I understand the need for space, and time apart from the problems, but permanently checking out as you have implied, is not an option. There is nothing about your life that you cannot learn how to control, and nothing about your life that you cannot manage. With the right tools, and a vision.

The vision is, where you want to go, and what changes you decide to make. For now, even knowing that life is not manageable, is a start toward a life you can design, build, and live. That is a good beginning- wanting a life different to what you have, without the stressors, without the out of control feelings of having everybody else in charge of you, and you in charge of nothing.

Being somebody who beats you, is never a good idea. Ever. No matter what the reason is, nothing can ever justify beating on another. No matter what, no exceptions. A person who abuses another physically, also abuses them emotionally and psychologically. It is about power and control. Unless THAT person seeks therapy to address that problem, you can expect it to continue, and escalate. Please consider putting off the wedding.

The manner in which you have not addressed problems, only to have the emotions explode, seems to be at the centre of everything. Your responses are not rational. For example your behaviour toward your girlfriend's boss, and the behaviour toward your boss, is inappropriate. You are lucky that you didn't get her fired, or yourself fired. I have to wonder if that wasn't somewhere in the mix of emotions as either retaliatory toward your girlfriend, or deliberate toward your boss- to get fired. Either way you look at it, both confrontations are a clear sign that you need to get your emotions in check before you seriously hurt someone.

I suspect that the problems you are experiencing now, are not recent. Pent up anger and depression as you describe will affect all aspects of your life, from friendships, social activities, jobs, relationships. Some areas may be more apparent, or immediate, but, and I could be wrong, but I think most of this goes back a long time, and has reached a crisis point. When you feel that you have to fight to find, within yourself, happiness, with even the simplest of things, the battle just gets harder and harder, things pile up, build up, and explode. And that has no resolve, and it just starts all over again.

An example of that would be you exploding at your boss. That had been coming long time, along with the resentment building up, the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach knowing you have to face the same problems every day. Without resolve, there was only buildup, and it was a given that something was going to happen to dissipate the anger. And it did.

While you may think that all of your problems, and perceived problems (how friends regard you) is all in the same kettle of fish, it isn't. Thinking and working through each of the main areas you have described, each and within itself, has an opportunity for change, and solutions. The more you are in control under your own steam, even in just one area, the more able and confident you will be to make changes in other areas of your life.

We underestimate how difficult it really is to change. Ask anybody who is committed to losing 10 pounds, and getting in shape. And keeping the ten pounds off, and continuing with an exercise routine, for the rest of their lives. It isn't easy. But for you, I get the impression that much of what has happened to you, and is happening to you, with regard to being out of control of your life, is something that you can change. Changing to make a life that is naturally enjoyable to live, but having the tools to adjust when things go wrong, as they happen, is the key to your future success. That is what we all strive for isn't it?

I would recommend counselling highly. Research a little bit about CBT, or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It is one (of many) therapies that address immediate concerns, with accompanying goals to overcoming and changing specific identified factors in your day to day life. You aren't left floundering with a pocketfull of meaningless information, but rather, concrete steps to achieve a goal. Wanting to change is the only qualification to success. As you gain the tools you need to make changes, the effects are immediate. Think of correction, and learning coping strategy, and building upon success, one step at a time. CBT therapy is designed to have you reach your goals in a reasonable amount of time. We aren't talking years here.

Because things have become so unmanageable for you, but because you are able to see the main areas of your life that are affecting you, you have a good shot at turning this all around if you are willing to.

Changing jobs, or changing girlfriends won't solve the problems. Without insight and work on yourself, you will eventually find yourself in a never ending loop of disappointment.

I hope you will post again with more thoughts on what you think you might be willing to do, to change your life.

[Fr_Chuck]

And never ever interfere with your wife or girlfriends job. That is her job and her business, not yours. Anytime you interfere it will be a no win for sure.

Seriously she could have left you over that, it is a serious violation of relationship. You do not control her non her work, She should have called perhaps to let you know she would be late ( if there were plans) but if she has to work late, she has to work late. You having a talk with her boss is totally out of line, you need to tell both of them you are sorry for that